crying again

[graham]

thanks for all your replies

Its so nice to get feedback - I find socially the people who understand because their parents had AD or had died recently cant talk to me because it all gets too painful - and of course people who's parents are still living just say the usual things like 'that must be hard' - or they start to talk hypothetically 'I 'm dreading losing my Dad' Mostly of course they're uncomfortable when they see I'm becoming sad as I speak and change the subject abruptly in case they dont know what to do if I start crying

But they dont have to panic - if I thought I was going to start crying I'd change the subject myself!

I just stop talking about it - I feel like saying 'enjoy them while they're here - you don't know how lucky you are'

So its nice on here to get feedback from people on here because its so real and honest without any of that diconfort

I'd love to say I'm a lot better since I last posted but really I'm just able to say I'm no worse

The next thing is getting Dad's ashes and spreading them at his golf course and Kew Gardens - his two favourite thing - gardening and golf

I wish we had a gtrave where I could have aplace that was totally his to visit but he was cremated so it not going to happen

What got me through April and May was that all the memories were fresh because Dad died very suddenly so he was at my Niece's 21st on March 21st (pinching poeple's food off their plates in the restaurant and refusing to get into the car! It took about 20 minutes to persuade him to get into the car - we were all feezing!)

It means the memories are very recent where he was up and about

Now I'm feeling that time is moving and the memories aren't being replaced and he's moving away from me somehow

The bus to my sister's house goes past the hotel where we went to for that last meal it feels so recent I feel so sad and confused think 'where did he go?' which of course is terribly painful but at least the memories are fresh and in another way its comforting - as tho he's near

Its hard to explain - Its just another stage

 

[Lila13]

I've a feeling my two oldest aunts are too horrible to be worth writing to, no wonder so many of my cousins wanted to swap parents, when we were children. It wasn't reciprocal!

It's strange the way family position seems to last a lifetime, my mother never got over her "middle child complex", the eldest aunt has been "the eldest of the family" for 35 years, the youngest sister still very much the little sister even now she's 80, and bigger and stronger than the others, and has great-grandchildren of her own ...

I tried very hard to restore or maintain family contacts for my mother's sake while she was still alive. Pointless now, of course.

Lila

Dear LIla,

Could you write a letter, or letters, and send them to those concerned. The good thing about writing letters is you have time to compose them and read them through. You could express your feelings with out losing control and just let your family know how upset you are.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Graham,

It`s good to hear from you and to know you`re `no worse` than you were last time you posted.

Actually, to me, you sound a little bit better.

It is still so soon after his death, and you have things to do, like scattering his ashes, but you are functioning, not falling apart.

Hold on to the memories. I know they are a poor substitute, but they are good memories and keep your father in your heart and in your mind, and that`s how he lives on. In you.

Take care

 

[Sarah-Anne]

Graham
I lost my dad in Feb this year. I joined here but haven't been on to talk recently.
It's just so hard. I feel numb, lost, in a constant fog.
How i wish to hug my dad too.
if only......
Sarah

 

[Skye]

I wish we had a gtrave where I could have aplace that was totally his to visit but he was cremated so it not going to happen

Hi Graham

You're coping well with this, even though you think you are not.

It's good to grieve, it keeps your dad with you, it keeps him alive in your heart.

I know so well that feeling of not being able to find your loved one. I'm all in favour of cremation, but it does leave you without a place to visit. What I'm going to suggest is that you make a place, not physically, but in your mind. You say that your dad loved Kew Gardens. Why not find a favourite spot of his, and sit down and feel close to him? Take his gardening hat with you and hold it. That way you can go back whenever you feel lost, and feel close to him again.

This pain will ease in time, but for the moment you just have to live with it. It doesn't matter how long it takes, there are no rules.

Post again and tell us how you are.

Love,

 

[Skye]

Dear Sarah

I'm sorry that you're feeling so lost and numb. I hope it has helped you to read the messages on this thread. They are for you too.

We do understand your grief, and we are here to help you through it. Take care of yourself.

Love and hugs,