Cruise?

[teetoe]

I'm contemplating a holiday with OH this year and wondering how much he can cope with and what will not stress me out too much. His family is in the UK - we did that long trip a year ago from Oz - now I think it is too much. I don't know much about cruising - maybe a 3-5 day one out of Sydney? Has anyone got any suggestions on cruising with a pwd, is it better to be near the lifts, not have any stops for example?

It would be terrible if he got lost on a stop and I couldn't find him! I thought one with some comedy or music at night would be nice for him. He won't be interested in swimming etc.

 

[Nanna Spain]

Cruise

We have now been on 3 cruises and another booked for August. Tried a fly-cruise but too much hassle. Now get taxi to local services where we get a coach direct to ship. OH is safe on-board, he goes to cinema and lectures, we go to theatre and shows. We both get a break. We pick trips when in port that start late morning to give him chance to get going. We ask for table for two in restaurant as he cant cope with too many conversations going on. They are the best thing we have done.

 

[Slugsta]

I am a wholehearted devotee of cruising - but I don't have a PWD to think of when I'm away!

So my comments will be general, from my cruising experience rather than relating specifically to travelling with a PWD.

One of the joys of cruising is that, as long as you don't have to fly to get there, you can take as much as you like as baggage. It is great for me as my medical problems make it very difficult to fly - but we are only an hour away from the nearest cruise port.

You don't have to disembark when in port if you don't want to - although you would want to be sure that OH doesn't get off the ship without you.

Some of the ships are huge but, even then, it is often possible to carve out some space for yourself. However, it is easy for even the most 'with it' person to get lost. On the plus side, there will always be someone to help and there is a limit to how far someone can go (ie, have to stay on the ship when she is at sea!)

If you choose 'fixed dining' (where you dine in the same restaurant at the same time each evening, either 6.30ish or 8.30 ish depending on which line you are with) you will have the same table stewards every evening and they will quickly get to know your likes and dislikes.

On the other hand, 'freedom dining' allows you to turn up whenever you are ready. Sometimes there will be a bit of a wait, especially if you want a table for 2.

Ships excursions cost a bit more, but there is less worry about getting lost or not returning to the ship on time.

If your OH is OK to be left for a while, there is plenty going on and you don't have to both do the same thing at the same time.

Ditto if your OH can be left, most ships have spas and beauty therapies so this could be a good time for you to get some pampering (treatments cost extra).

Once on board, all expenditure is done via a 'sail and sign' (or whatever your line calls it) card, no money changes hands.

Please let me know if there is anything in particular I might be able to help with.

 

[canary]

My OH has FTD and although he seems perfectly capable on a superficial level his environment and routine is everything to him. He has his little rituals to help him get through the day and also gets sensory overload if even a few people are chatting around him. He likes to sit all day in the conservatory, in silence, on his i-pad, but can break into a sudden rage if things arnt exactly right, or I dont respond as soon as he wants me. The last time we went on holiday (to a self-catering cottage to try and keep his routine) I had to put post-it notes on all the doors to tell him what was on the other side and even so, he became almost catatonic with stress and slept through most of the holiday. I have acknowledged that we will not be able to go on holiday again.

Only you know what your husband can cope with and how he is likely to react. I would like to point out that one of the problems with a cruise is that you cannot just pack up and go home if he finds it too stressful.

 

[pamann]

Hello teetoe, my husband and l have had many cruises, the last one was 2yrs ago, l knew this would be the last, always wanted to go to Norway to see the fiords, so decided to go, what a mistake!! Every day we got of the ship, hubby was so confused, going though secruity a nightmare, he would not take his shoes off to be scanned, to get back on board, would not put his belongings through the machine, everyday was a struggle, l said to him if you don't take your shoes off they won't let you back on the ship, so he took them off and threw them overboard, saying no one will have them now. He thought he would not get them back, the shoes were expensive ones, we stayed on the ship, he was very agitated as he wanted to get off the ship. I hope your husband will be ok.

 

[teetoe]

Thanks to everyone for your posts - they have been really helpful and all reflecting the individual situation with your PWD. So many things to think of aren't there. Although OH's condition seems fairly stable just now I don't know what the future will bring so would like to make the most of it and go on a holiday, however brief, while I can.
A cruise where we don't get off - even if only 4 nights - may be good to try but he may get lost on board. I've enquired and we can get a cabin near the lifts and I can hang something on the door. Not sure what we would do on board with his limited mobility, hopefully find people to talk to, eat, and watch shows!
He says he wants to go back to the UK and can go on his own, totally impossible, but useless arguing that one. I told his family last year it was the last time, they need to come and visit. I tried to organise it with a family member holidaying here to take him over, and my son to bring him back, but OH refused. I can go back again I suppose but it was very hard last time for him, he doesn't remember that, and organising it with everyone over there is also hard. Every time I try to discuss it we go round in circles. He can't plan or organise it. I suppose I am looking for a holiday which I can enjoy too. Sorry to whinge on but I want to do something nice for him.

 

[Scarlett123]

I suppose I am looking for a holiday which I can enjoy too. Sorry to whinge on but I want to do something nice for him.

You're not whinging at all, you're suggesting a nice holiday, and asking for advice. Because each person is so different, only the carer knows what the possibilities are. In our case, John would become distressed in unfamiliar surroundings very quickly.

What am I saying? He even got distressed in our own home, and thought he was somewhere else, on holiday, often unable to find the bathroom - and that's in a 2 bedroom bungalow. So our "holidays" became short trips to Garden Centres. Only you know what stage your hubby is at, and how long, or short, your fuse is.

 

[teetoe]

So our "holidays" became short trips to Garden Centres. Only you know what stage your hubby is at, and how long, or short, your fuse is.

I love the Garden Centres in the UK, with their cafes etc, they make for a very pleasant day out, whether one of you has dementia or not. I bet John loved those visits.

 

[Scarlett123]

I love the Garden Centres in the UK, with their cafes etc, they make for a very pleasant day out, whether one of you has dementia or not. I bet John loved those visits.

Well, in the early/middle stages, they were a great idea, as he was able to make comments about the flowers like "that's a nice colour", or "we've got one of those, haven't we". Then, as things progressed, and he lost the "filter" in his brain, although he still liked looking at the flowers, they became yet another place where I was worried as to what he'd say to other people.

I remember I posted on here a few years ago, that we were waiting in the queue to pay for our purchases, with me tightly holding John's hand, as he stood behind me, when he bent down to look at the items in the trolley, and, sounding like an elephant, he broke wind.

Turning to the poor lady behind him, with a h-u-g-e grin on his face, he said "Blimey! I'm farting like a stallion today!". How I wished that there was a hat I could wear that said "I'm sorry, but my husband has Alzheimer's".

 

[canary]

Oh Scarlette, Im sure that must have been mortifying at the time, but Im afraid I giggled when I read that. I remember the time I took mum to the village fayre. She used to be on numerous committees and was under the impression that she had organised the whole thing. There were half a dozen men in Breton shirts and red neckerchiefs singing sea shanties and as we went past she said in a stage whisper "I dont think we'll book them again next year"

 

[Scarlett123]

Oh Scarlette, Im sure that must have been mortifying at the time, but Im afraid I giggled when I read that. I remember the time I took mum to the village fayre. She used to be on numerous committees and was under the impression that she had organised the whole thing. There were half a dozen men in Breton shirts and red neckerchiefs singing sea shanties and as we went past she said in a stage whisper "I dont think we'll book them again next year"

And I giggled at that! I lost count of the number of times I wanted to dig a hole for myself, but looking back, I can see the funny side of most of them. I still shudder though, when I think of the times I "lost" John in the supermarket, only to find that he'd made Extremely Personal Remarks to complete strangers.

It was in 2011 that I started having my shopping delivered ...........

 

[canary]

Oh yes - the Extremely Personal Remarks...........
What is it about overweight people that has endless fascination for PDW....... ?

 

[Scarlett123]

Oh yes - the Extremely Personal Remarks...........
What is it about overweight people that has endless fascination for PDW....... ?

Or (as I later discovered ), saying to a lady "do you know you look like a man?"

 

[teetoe]

Hahaha Scarlett! I've been bursting out in laughter over this all day! I do hope the lady laughed, I would have - what a hoot John was for sure! And to be honest as we get older is there anyone who can say they haven't broken wind at the wrong time and hope they've got away with it! Love the English sense of humour. My poor OH being English can still come out with a light and funny remark, catches everyone off guard, they say "Oh nothing wrong with him" whereas his poor demented wife (aka me) who has heard the joke many times before is looking harrassed and definitely looking the worse of the two!

 

[teetoe]

That's so funny Canary! My OH hasn't quite got there, but he does remark about women and their very large a...es (his words) in a rather loud voice at times. He's lost a bit of weight and I guess everyone looks big now.

 

[Scarlett123]

Hahaha Scarlett! I've been bursting out in laughter over this all day! I do hope the lady laughed, I would have - what a hoot John was for sure!

Er ...... no, she didn't. Of course, if she'd known he had AD, she might have done, but I found him in the next aisle, and her friend told me what he'd said, and was very irate. I started to explain but ........ so that's when I started having the shopping delivered!

 

[BR_ANA]

Or (as I later discovered ), saying to a lady "do you know you look like a man?"

I had to hold myself to not laugh. A resident on my mum CH asked if I was my mum's husband.

 

[teetoe]

Bless you all and your dear PDWs, these are so funny! Caught me off-guard, must be my state of mind this week. There is an innocence about them that is so endearing. Can't stop chortling though! As to cruising, gone on the backburner for now ...

 

[Scarlett123]

I had to hold myself to not laugh. A resident on my mum CH asked if I was my mum's husband.

Just noticed you're in Brazil. Isn't it great that we can be united, across the seas, by this common thread. And please laugh - it's the best medicine

 

[BR_ANA]

Just noticed you're in Brazil. Isn't it great that we can be united, across the seas, by this common thread. And please laugh - it's the best medicine

Thanks Scarlett. Unfortunately dementias are worldwide. Luckily I found TP. (My support group is only Monday. TP is 24/7)

You are right. Laugh is best medicine. (Of course not on face of a PWD)