Crisis Point after 9 days in a care home
- Thread starter Elle3
- Start date
Elle3 I am so glad to hear that you have a good result at last. It must have been an awful experience. I don't know how we cope with these things but somehow we do.
Big hugs anyway.
Big hugs anyway.
Oh yes, and so will I! I do agree when you first are among a lot of PWD it feels disorientating. I used to feel dizzy a lot. But soon you come to see them as personalities and even have a bit of fun. Just takes getting used to like everything else in this situation. I could have sworn then but I didn't. It's Sunday.
I’ve just read your thread Elle & you have been on one heck of a ride!
I’m so angry for you & your dad as surely the first care home would have done an assessment on your dad so that they could take him & care for him!
My mum has shown challenging behaviour & is resistant to bathing but the care home have asked the mental health team for assistance in helping her settle in.
It’s taken a few weeks but I am gradually getting to know the staff & the other residents. They deal with wanderers, the people that shout out etc very well. It’s the one thing I noticed that the staff were all good with the residents.
I hope your dad gets the assessment & passes although I will say it is awfully hard to pass but my mum ended up getting the nursing element paid for.
Good luck for this new home, they sound 100% better equipped. Xx
I’m so angry for you & your dad as surely the first care home would have done an assessment on your dad so that they could take him & care for him!
My mum has shown challenging behaviour & is resistant to bathing but the care home have asked the mental health team for assistance in helping her settle in.
It’s taken a few weeks but I am gradually getting to know the staff & the other residents. They deal with wanderers, the people that shout out etc very well. It’s the one thing I noticed that the staff were all good with the residents.
I hope your dad gets the assessment & passes although I will say it is awfully hard to pass but my mum ended up getting the nursing element paid for.
Good luck for this new home, they sound 100% better equipped. Xx
I've been reading this thread with interest. The first home sounds totally useless, but so glad it sounds you've got your dad into a place that will suit him much better.. I hope you can start to unwind yourself.
Let's hope my dad can relax like this when he goes into respite care! Hope this continues Elle!
MaNaAk
Thank you everyone. Today's visit wasn't as good, but it was OK, I'm just learning to take one day at a time.
One little break through though with one of the other residents, the one that continually shouts and rocks, he was quiet today and sat near us but seemed to be in another world. To distract my dad from wanting to go and report to the army, because of the bombs (yes that was today's story), I suggested we play ball with him to the male carer who just so happened to have a ball. We started to play and then the carer asked this other resident if he would like to join in but he didn't get a response, so I told the carer to bounce the ball on the floor to see if it could gain his attention and it did, suddenly he looked, smiled and laughed and he then started to join in with us, throwing and catching the ball. Two of the female carers came in and they were like "OMG, ??'s playing ball" Apparently since he has been there he's been either shouting and rocking or just sitting doing nothing. They were going to write it up to let his family know. Some things do make you smile.
Elle x
One little break through though with one of the other residents, the one that continually shouts and rocks, he was quiet today and sat near us but seemed to be in another world. To distract my dad from wanting to go and report to the army, because of the bombs (yes that was today's story), I suggested we play ball with him to the male carer who just so happened to have a ball. We started to play and then the carer asked this other resident if he would like to join in but he didn't get a response, so I told the carer to bounce the ball on the floor to see if it could gain his attention and it did, suddenly he looked, smiled and laughed and he then started to join in with us, throwing and catching the ball. Two of the female carers came in and they were like "OMG, ??'s playing ball" Apparently since he has been there he's been either shouting and rocking or just sitting doing nothing. They were going to write it up to let his family know. Some things do make you smile.
Elle x
Elle
I found your thread today and I so feel for you and what you’ve had to go through.
Tonight’s post really made me smile though and I hope that’s the start of better times for you. You really have to laugh and find the fun in it.
I bought an Amazon Echo in the hope that my mum would use it to play the radio etc. Vain hope but I remember one evening using the echo - Alexa - to do something. When it was finished I said Alexa stop as you do. Cue a horrified mum who took her hands from her face and said “ you are so rotten, she’s trying her best”. When things get bad I try to remember that and how my real pre dementia mum is in there somewhere.
Hoping things settle down for you and you and your dad get some peace x
I found your thread today and I so feel for you and what you’ve had to go through.
Tonight’s post really made me smile though and I hope that’s the start of better times for you. You really have to laugh and find the fun in it.
I bought an Amazon Echo in the hope that my mum would use it to play the radio etc. Vain hope but I remember one evening using the echo - Alexa - to do something. When it was finished I said Alexa stop as you do. Cue a horrified mum who took her hands from her face and said “ you are so rotten, she’s trying her best”. When things get bad I try to remember that and how my real pre dementia mum is in there somewhere.
Hoping things settle down for you and you and your dad get some peace x
Both of these stories are lovely...the ball throwng (what a break through, you should feel so proud) and the Alexa story. My husband bends quite low over his and says ‘Icka...Ecka....’ and then looks at me and says it’s not working. We had even more fun when the start command was Alexa!
Fab story. Take care, Elle or else they will be offering you a job at the Care Home.
If you have also seen my other post about the inappropriate behaviour, you will understand that things are not going too well at the moment with dad. Each visit is getting more and more difficult due to his inappropriate behaviour towards me and now he's done it to a member of the night staff! 
I have spoken to the nurse and she is going to request a review of his medication to see what they can do. She also advised that his behaviour has been getting worse over the last few days, he's been showing more aggression and he's being a lot more verbally abusive to everyone.
Oh! and he managed to escape the other day! Yes you read that right. The Care home that said he wouldn't be able to escape from here, well my dad managed it, although only briefly, thank goodness. They have a slight flaw in their system, when the fire alarm goes off, all the fire doors automatically open, well dad took advantage of this, got out into the garden and then out through the garden gate which had also opened. They realised he had gone when they did a quick headcount and found him wandering around the car park, thankfully he came back no bother.
I did say something in an earlier post about good days and bad days, well I seem to be right about that, although this weeks is looking like a bad week now.
Take care.
Elle x
I have spoken to the nurse and she is going to request a review of his medication to see what they can do. She also advised that his behaviour has been getting worse over the last few days, he's been showing more aggression and he's being a lot more verbally abusive to everyone.
Oh! and he managed to escape the other day! Yes you read that right. The Care home that said he wouldn't be able to escape from here, well my dad managed it, although only briefly, thank goodness. They have a slight flaw in their system, when the fire alarm goes off, all the fire doors automatically open, well dad took advantage of this, got out into the garden and then out through the garden gate which had also opened. They realised he had gone when they did a quick headcount and found him wandering around the car park, thankfully he came back no bother.
I did say something in an earlier post about good days and bad days, well I seem to be right about that, although this weeks is looking like a bad week now.
Take care.
Elle x
I think we probably all know what you mean about good days and bad days Elle. You never quite know what you're going to get when you visit. I can understand why you go there with trepidation, I hope they can find medication which helps with the aggression as well as the inappropriate behaviour. I always feel like it's a case of solving one issue and then waiting for the next to arrive (usually about three days later!)
Just a quick question, am I allowed to share photos on here of my dad? He has been in a care home 5 weeks today and you wouldn't believe the difference in his appearance. I took a photo of him about 2 weeks before he went into the care home and I took a photo of him today, no wonder he no longer recognises himself, I hardly recognise him either.
I supposed legally it might require his consent.
However if unidentified and posted to illustrate a opinion I don't think there is any problem.
For a definitive answer talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk
Other people have posted photos of their PWD, but they are normally posted in the members section, rather than the open section
Hi everyone, as it’s been a few weeks since I posted an update on this thread, I thought I’d let you know how Dad is doing.
He has been in his new care home now for just over 4 weeks and things have calmed down quite considerably. The staff tell me he still gets aggressive when it comes to personal care but they handle it and occasionally they do find him trying to climb onto things or slip past staff at the main door in order to try and make his escape, but so far he’s had little success. He is no longer acting inappropriately (as per my other thread) to me so the change in medication from Trazodone to Risperidone has worked and he is still on Lorazepam when required.
His wallet became a bit of a problem, mainly because the staff kept forgetting to check his pockets and it kept ending up in the wash. This wasn’t a problem for the proper money, the £20 in £5 notes he had but they started disappearing until they were all gone, but the fake money wasn’t doing very well in the wash so I had to keep replacing that. However over a week ago now I noticed the wallet had disappeared and so far it hasn’t been found. I decided to say nothing about it to dad but I mentioned it to the staff. Dad now seems to have forgotten about it, although he still thinks occasionally he needs to pay for his food but I just tell him it’s my treat and I’ve paid and the staff do the same. So fingers crossed his money obsession has been forgotten.
More residents have now been added to the unit, but it still can be quiet, they are still lacking an activities co-ordinator so very little entertainment or stimulation, but I think they are trying to recruit someone. Two of the new residents, a lady and a man, are very talkative and friendly and have really brightened the home up, you just would not know that either of these have Dementia on first meet and it’s made me appreciate how different Dementia can be in each individual, especially as for my dad it’s his communication skills that are mainly affected. The man is lovely and he talks to my dad a lot as he comes from the same area as my dad and he also used to be a builder and worked for some of the same companies so they have a lot in common which is nice.
Dad hasn’t asked me to take him home at all, although yesterday when we were sat out in the very hot garden he said he was ready to go back to England now, it was too hot here, lol. As the Care home is only about 5 mins from where I live I have been visiting him about 5 days a week, but only for about 1 to 1.5 hours at a time, conversation is difficult and very random, so for a hour yesterday we talked incoherently about his National Service (about when he was in Cyprus I think).
I’m happy with the care dad is getting, he seems happy and less stressed. The staff are lovely and three, three course meals a day and tea and biscuits and cakes etc and lack of exercise are playing havoc with dads waist line, I’ve had to go out and buy him elasticated waist trousers, lol.
So now I’m starting the slow process of sorting and clearing out dads house, to get it on the market to sell. As the Care home is far more expensive than the first, I think it will be better if I sell his house sooner than later, then at least we will know where we stand with his finances. Although we are waiting to start looking into the NHS continuing care funding, but I have no expectations of getting it, but at leat we can try.
Take care and thanks again for all your earlier support and advice.
Elle x
He has been in his new care home now for just over 4 weeks and things have calmed down quite considerably. The staff tell me he still gets aggressive when it comes to personal care but they handle it and occasionally they do find him trying to climb onto things or slip past staff at the main door in order to try and make his escape, but so far he’s had little success. He is no longer acting inappropriately (as per my other thread) to me so the change in medication from Trazodone to Risperidone has worked and he is still on Lorazepam when required.
His wallet became a bit of a problem, mainly because the staff kept forgetting to check his pockets and it kept ending up in the wash. This wasn’t a problem for the proper money, the £20 in £5 notes he had but they started disappearing until they were all gone, but the fake money wasn’t doing very well in the wash so I had to keep replacing that. However over a week ago now I noticed the wallet had disappeared and so far it hasn’t been found. I decided to say nothing about it to dad but I mentioned it to the staff. Dad now seems to have forgotten about it, although he still thinks occasionally he needs to pay for his food but I just tell him it’s my treat and I’ve paid and the staff do the same. So fingers crossed his money obsession has been forgotten.
More residents have now been added to the unit, but it still can be quiet, they are still lacking an activities co-ordinator so very little entertainment or stimulation, but I think they are trying to recruit someone. Two of the new residents, a lady and a man, are very talkative and friendly and have really brightened the home up, you just would not know that either of these have Dementia on first meet and it’s made me appreciate how different Dementia can be in each individual, especially as for my dad it’s his communication skills that are mainly affected. The man is lovely and he talks to my dad a lot as he comes from the same area as my dad and he also used to be a builder and worked for some of the same companies so they have a lot in common which is nice.
Dad hasn’t asked me to take him home at all, although yesterday when we were sat out in the very hot garden he said he was ready to go back to England now, it was too hot here, lol. As the Care home is only about 5 mins from where I live I have been visiting him about 5 days a week, but only for about 1 to 1.5 hours at a time, conversation is difficult and very random, so for a hour yesterday we talked incoherently about his National Service (about when he was in Cyprus I think).
I’m happy with the care dad is getting, he seems happy and less stressed. The staff are lovely and three, three course meals a day and tea and biscuits and cakes etc and lack of exercise are playing havoc with dads waist line, I’ve had to go out and buy him elasticated waist trousers, lol.
So now I’m starting the slow process of sorting and clearing out dads house, to get it on the market to sell. As the Care home is far more expensive than the first, I think it will be better if I sell his house sooner than later, then at least we will know where we stand with his finances. Although we are waiting to start looking into the NHS continuing care funding, but I have no expectations of getting it, but at leat we can try.
Take care and thanks again for all your earlier support and advice.
Elle x
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