Crisis Point after 9 days in a care home

[Elle3]

UPDATE - MOVING DAY TO CARE HOME NO. 2

Well what can I say, I still have terrible misgivings that dad is in the right care home now. Especially when you get first hand experience of what 'challenging behaviour' really is!

I moved dad into his new care home this morning. I hardly slept last night after waking up thinking about socks! How is it, that some subliminal thought just pops into your head and you realise that when you were looking in dads room yesterday, you didn’t see any socks. I had left dad with 9 pairs of black socks when he went into the care home and he had not one pair left, admittedly they were the only items I hadn’t been able to label, who labels socks? (Apparently I should have got some embroidery thread and put his initials in them, yeh!) But I did expect him to at least get some socks back. It also explains why I’ve not seen him wearing any socks the last couple of times I’ve visited. So as I was awake and not likely to get back to sleep, I ended up ironing some of dads things at 4am.

My extraction plan of transferring dad to the new home didn't quite go as planned, I had planned to arrive at the care home, go to dads room, pack his things, check it against the inventory I’d done and chase up any missing items. Then when I’d done all that and put it in the car. I would go and find dad. No such luck, I literally turned the corner into the corridor and almost bumped into dad, having a wander and worse still he'd wet himself. So I had to go and find someone to sort dad and let us into his room. He then refused to allow the carer to change him, saying it would dry, until I put my foot down and told him I wouldn't take him out unless he allowed her to change his clothes, to which he succumbed. So then I had to pack all his things working around them.

Apart from 9 pairs of socks missing, a jumper and a pj top, everything was there and the missing items were recovered. I then had to collect his meds, I had to sign for his Lorazepam, considering he went in there with no meds, in just less than 4 weeks he came out with three lots, he's now added some antibiotics for phlebitis to his growing list. Plus I was told the Dr was going to prescribe some derma cream for some really bad flaky and inflamed skin all over his face and head, but the Dr decided as he was moving he would just write an advisory note for his next Dr to prescribe it. (I've since been told this could take up to 2 weeks for a new Dr to take over and he also doesn't have sufficient meds, only enough to last him about a week). A bit of a disaster really. I was also told to tell the nurse at the new care home to give dad half a Lorazepam at 2pm. Well this didn't go down very well with the new care home nurse as the prescription label said to give as required, no specified times, so she said she couldn't give it to dad then because he may not require it and if at some point there is ever an investigation into dads meds this could get her into trouble. I told her to take it up with the other care home. No discharge papers were given to me or care plan, I was told it had all been sent, but the new care home said they hadn't received it.

I'm not sure what dad really thought when we left his old care home and where he was going, I think he just thought we were going out for lunch, so I left it at that, he just thought it was a long way away!

I'd arranged like the first time to arrive just before lunch as this does help distract dad and settle him in better. I could see though after lunch he kept asking about the car, so he must have been wanting to go, but I ignored and distracted him until eventually he dozed off in a chair and I made my getaway, this was about 3pm.

This was not before I saw a lady resident who I had met earlier, who was pleasant and calm, turn into your worst nightmare, screaming, shouting, swearing, biting, kicking you name it, all because the carers were trying to get her dressed and I saw a male resident who constantly rocked and shouted the same thing over and over again, this was for the whole time I was there. I'm looking forward to finding out what the other 3 residents have up their sleeves and I've got to say dad seems almost normal compared to these.

Oh happy times!

Elle x

 

[Tin]

Hope all goes well Ellie.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Unfortunately I am that sad daughter who sewed on name labels on all of dad's socks! Have to say though in the nearly three years dad was in his NH hardly any went missing.
Try not to feel too despondent the transition for a different care home system to click into place may take a few days just be firm but polite in your requests and ask the manager what can be done to speed up the process with the new GP. I understand that for instance if I had a guest staying with me who urgently needed to see a GP...a system is in place for that to happen on a temporary basis similar to when daughter lived away at university so registered with a GP practice there and was seen by her old practice if needed when she was at home during the holidays.

 

[70smand]

I’m so sorry the move did not go as well as you had hoped. Hopefully the home will soon get to know your dad and he will settle in. I do know how you feel though as when dad entered his nursing home from the psychiatric unit I couldn’t wait to get him there as the unit he left was pretty depressing but once there I remember thinking ‘is this it?’. It seemed awful and I just kept sobbing but had to pull myself together before my mum arrived because I had to be strong for her too.
There was lots of challenging behaviour but also a lot a staff to deal with it. Like your situation my dad seemed pretty meak and mild compared to everyone else and considering noise and shouting used to agitate him, sitting in the lounge was a difficult place to be, so I took him back to his room only to find another resident asleep on his bed with empty sweet wrappers in his hands ( he’d eaten all dad’s sweets!).
Dad was moved to a quieter floor within 2 weeks, which was lovely, but had to be moved back upstairs to ‘the naughty floor’ because he pushed a poor lady over and broke her collar bone. Mum was upset he was moved but I was just relieved he wasn’t kicked out. That was so awful as we had been with him only 20 minutes before and he was fine, but he had gone wandering up and down the corridor and so had this lady and he had just pushed her. From the report I don’t even think he saw her as doesn’t see well and his perception was poor and had absolutely no idea what he had done.
It was all about tweeking his medicine and the GP put dad back on lorazepam once a day without discussing it with us first and he ended up like a zombie and could hardly walk and became incontinent. It was a great drug to use in an emergency when dad had been agitated at home a year before but as his Alzheimer’s progressed he has become sensitive to most medication. We did get it stopped after a week and he became more alert, but resistant to care and aggressive so they put him back on a small dose of olanzapine, which is not without side effects but did improve his mood.
Laundry is the bain of my mums life, or should I say ‘missing laundry’.
We have got used to most of the residents and their behaviour and are quite fond of them all now, but it did take time. I think meeting their families helped my mum as she realised that they were all in the same boat as her. This was the only home locally that would take my dad with his history.
Sounds like the home he came from didn’t do a very good job of handing your dad over- it’s probably better that they hear everything from you so you can help them to build a picture of what your dad is like and also what he used to like. Have you completed a ‘this is me’ document for them - I had Dads pinned on his notice board and they copied it for his notes and I know they all read it. As regards to the staff not giving up the lorazepam I can see how they would not want to be seen as sedating your dad if it is not specifically prescribed as they do not know him yet and if it caused him to fall they would be in all sorts of trouble. I know they are very particular about giving medication exactly as prescribed in nursing homes, which can be quite frustrating at times but is supposed to safeguard the residents.
Hopefully these are just teething problems that will soon be sorted out, and mum got pre sewn labels with dad’s name on and sewed them like a loop on the top of his socks ( although some days he isn’t wearing any because I think they can’t be bothered to fight with him to get them on!)
Today is another day, I do hope it’s a more positive one for you and your dad x

 

[Elle3]

Unfortunately I am that sad daughter who sewed on name labels on all of dad's socks! Have to say though in the nearly three years dad was in his NH hardly any went missing.
Try not to feel too despondent the transition for a different care home system to click into place may take a few days just be firm but polite in your requests and ask the manager what can be done to speed up the process with the new GP. I understand that for instance if I had a guest staying with me who urgently needed to see a GP...a system is in place for that to happen on a temporary basis similar to when daughter lived away at university so registered with a GP practice there and was seen by her old practice if needed when she was at home during the holidays.

Not sad love.dad.but, just very well organised. I kind of wish I had done something now, maybe I will do the embroidery thing.

Thanks, the home is lovely and so are the staff, it just feels like starting all over again though and I can see although there are only a few residents they definitely do have more needs and I suppose I'm looking at them and comparing them to dad and thinking he seems out of place now. I also feel like I've taken him away from his home and things he recognised, this new care home is now in my town and it has big blown up photos of places I know on the walls but dad doesn't recognise them and he is finding it confusing and I can see he's trying to tell his brain he knows them.

I'm sure the nurse will sort out all dads meds etc, she certainly sounds like she knows what she's doing, I think she was just trying to tell me what the proper procedures are suppose to be.

Elle x

 

[Elle3]

I’m so sorry the move did not go as well as you had hoped. Hopefully the home will soon get to know your dad and he will settle in. I do know how you feel though as when dad entered his nursing home from the psychiatric unit I couldn’t wait to get him there as the unit he left was pretty depressing but once there I remember thinking ‘is this it?’. It seemed awful and I just kept sobbing but had to pull myself together before my mum arrived because I had to be strong for her too.
There was lots of challenging behaviour but also a lot a staff to deal with it. Like your situation my dad seemed pretty meak and mild compared to everyone else and considering noise and shouting used to agitate him, sitting in the lounge was a difficult place to be, so I took him back to his room only to find another resident asleep on his bed with empty sweet wrappers in his hands ( he’d eaten all dad’s sweets!).
Dad was moved to a quieter floor within 2 weeks, which was lovely, but had to be moved back upstairs to ‘the naughty floor’ because he pushed a poor lady over and broke her collar bone. Mum was upset he was moved but I was just relieved he wasn’t kicked out. That was so awful as we had been with him only 20 minutes before and he was fine, but he had gone wandering up and down the corridor and so had this lady and he had just pushed her. From the report I don’t even think he saw her as doesn’t see well and his perception was poor and had absolutely no idea what he had done.
It was all about tweeking his medicine and the GP put dad back on lorazepam once a day without discussing it with us first and he ended up like a zombie and could hardly walk and became incontinent. It was a great drug to use in an emergency when dad had been agitated at home a year before but as his Alzheimer’s progressed he has become sensitive to most medication. We did get it stopped after a week and he became more alert, but resistant to care and aggressive so they put him back on a small dose of olanzapine, which is not without side effects but did improve his mood.
Laundry is the bain of my mums life, or should I say ‘missing laundry’.
We have got used to most of the residents and their behaviour and are quite fond of them all now, but it did take time. I think meeting their families helped my mum as she realised that they were all in the same boat as her. This was the only home locally that would take my dad with his history.
Sounds like the home he came from didn’t do a very good job of handing your dad over- it’s probably better that they hear everything from you so you can help them to build a picture of what your dad is like and also what he used to like. Have you completed a ‘this is me’ document for them - I had Dads pinned on his notice board and they copied it for his notes and I know they all read it. As regards to the staff not giving up the lorazepam I can see how they would not want to be seen as sedating your dad if it is not specifically prescribed as they do not know him yet and if it caused him to fall they would be in all sorts of trouble. I know they are very particular about giving medication exactly as prescribed in nursing homes, which can be quite frustrating at times but is supposed to safeguard the residents.
Hopefully these are just teething problems that will soon be sorted out, and mum got pre sewn labels with dad’s name on and sewed them like a loop on the top of his socks ( although some days he isn’t wearing any because I think they can’t be bothered to fight with him to get them on!)
Today is another day, I do hope it’s a more positive one for you and your dad x

Thank you 70smand, I think it's probably more my problem than dads, as I'd got quite attached to the other care home. I had got to know the staff really well, some knew me or recognised me from school and I'd also started to get to know many of the residents and their little quirks, some were lovely and I could have a nice chat to them, it just felt very homely and I think I will always have regrets about it.

It just means now, having to start all over again with getting to know these people in the new care home and I know I have to, but part of me doesn't really want to, if that makes sense. I think wherever dad is, he will probably not want to be there and will try to leave, I think that's just going to be the way he is. This new care home though will be better equipped to deal with it and are already doing strategies that the other home should have done.

Sorry to hear about what happened to your dad, there always seems to be a reasonable explanation for what people with Dementia do, but only if people take the time to understand them, the problem is they tend to just see the actions and consequences.

Take care.
Elle x

 

[Slugsta]

Hi Elle,

I am glad that you have managed to find somewhere for your dad and hope he settles well.

Regarding name labels, I took advice from someone on this site and used clip-on labels like these - https://www.nametag-it.co.uk/details/easyfix-clip-on-name-tags and, yes, I even put them inside Mum's socks. I was as careful as possible to try and put them somewhere they would not dig in, mostly in the seams of garments (obv I could not do that with her socks) and they seemed to work well. And were a godsend for someone who hates sewing!

 

[70smand]

“there always seems to be a reasonable explanation for what people with Dementia do, but only if people take the time to understand them, the problem is they tend to just see the actions and consequences.”


So true Elle.
I can relate to your feelings of becoming attached to the staff and residents in the other home. I looked at loads of lovely homes where I would have preferred dad to go, but they just wouldn’t have been able to cope with him. At his home he was downstairs for 8 months and it was much more social down there as all the activities took place down there ( not that dad could actually take part but mum enjoyed the social side) and the residents had conditions other than dementia so some of them became friends to my mum and dad. It was like going to another home when he got moved upstairs and it was quite isolating. We had to get to know the staff all over again, although actually most of the staff are better and more interactive with the residents as they have much more complex needs. I don’t actually think my dad cares where he is, but it’s my mum who visits him daily for at least 6 hours who I’m trying to keep sane. We thought dad would never settle in a home, but sadly he has deteriorated quite a lot in a year but with that deterioration he has lost some of the awareness he had that used to make him so agitated and we do get laughter and some little gems from him now and then and those moments are gold. It’s still a rollercoaster though, I’m sure most people on here would vouch for that xx

 

[Sirena]

I'm glad to hear your dad has now moved, I hope he settles well.

It can be alarming to begin when you encounter some of the other residents. My mother is (I'd say) mid-stage. Her CH has residents at all stages of dementia from early to late. There are several who are clearly late stage and are either sleeping, or shouting/la-la-ing loudly nonstop. They tend to be in the main lounge and there is a smaller lounge and a dining room to go to if you want to avoid them. I've never seen any violence or aggression and but possibly I've been lucky. The staff seem to deal with all needs very well and there is always a pleasant atmosphere.

My mother was asked to arrive with 2 weeks worth of meds but unfortunately she actually only arrived with 4 days' worth. It was a minor annoyance, the CH dealt with it (I think they rang her old GP and asked for a prescription to be sent down to them) and my mother didn't go without her meds.

I hear you re the socks - I did actually label my mothers' socks, I do not sew and did all her labelling with iron-on tape. It's survived on her clothing so far, although socks are v difficult as stretchy so I guess they may not get returned reliably. Slugsta's clip-on tape looks a good option for socks and undies, hadn't seen that before.

 

[Elle3]

Hi Elle,

I am glad that you have managed to find somewhere for your dad and hope he settles well.

Regarding name labels, I took advice from someone on this site and used clip-on labels like these - https://www.nametag-it.co.uk/details/easyfix-clip-on-name-tags and, yes, I even put them inside Mum's socks. I was as careful as possible to try and put them somewhere they would not dig in, mostly in the seams of garments (obv I could not do that with her socks) and they seemed to work well. And were a godsend for someone who hates sewing!

Thank you Slugsta, those clip on labels look good, for now I've just used a laundry pen but I might give these a try.

Elle x

 

[Elle3]

“there always seems to be a reasonable explanation for what people with Dementia do, but only if people take the time to understand them, the problem is they tend to just see the actions and consequences.”


So true Elle.
I can relate to your feelings of becoming attached to the staff and residents in the other home. I looked at loads of lovely homes where I would have preferred dad to go, but they just wouldn’t have been able to cope with him. At his home he was downstairs for 8 months and it was much more social down there as all the activities took place down there ( not that dad could actually take part but mum enjoyed the social side) and the residents had conditions other than dementia so some of them became friends to my mum and dad. It was like going to another home when he got moved upstairs and it was quite isolating. We had to get to know the staff all over again, although actually most of the staff are better and more interactive with the residents as they have much more complex needs. I don’t actually think my dad cares where he is, but it’s my mum who visits him daily for at least 6 hours who I’m trying to keep sane. We thought dad would never settle in a home, but sadly he has deteriorated quite a lot in a year but with that deterioration he has lost some of the awareness he had that used to make him so agitated and we do get laughter and some little gems from him now and then and those moments are gold. It’s still a rollercoaster though, I’m sure most people on here would vouch for that xx

That is true, when we visit these homes, sometimes we sometimes don't get much coherent conversation from our loved ones, but that is understandable with Dementia, so your mum being able to interact and socialise with other residents, staff and visitors is almost essential and it makes it more enjoyable and I know from my point of view I have tended to stay longer because of it. I've also found doing this helps my dad too as he watches and listens and I try to include him.

It definitely is a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes I'd like to get off though occasionally.

Elle x

 

[Amy in the US]

Elle, I don't really know what to say other than, I am sorry for the whole experience and everything about it. I can understand you feeling tired and not excited about starting all over again.

Regarding clothes and labels for same: I also label my mother's clothes mainly with a marker pen--a Sharpie brand one made for fabric, although I'm not sure it's actually different from a regular Sharpie, other than the price! I order these two at a time from Amazon. I write her initials on the washing instruction tags, and/or inside the back collar of the shirt/top.

I also started using Stickins brand labels on some items that aren't easy to use the marker pen on, at the suggestion of TP. I bought them on Amazon. This is mostly her black knit trousers that she favors as the black marker won't show on the black fabric and the tags aren't positioned where the staff can easily see the initials when doing laundry. I've only recently started using them so I am not yet sure how they hold up to the industrial washers and dryers, but thought it was worth a try.

I don't label her socks because the thought of doing so makes me horribly tired, if you know what I mean. What I do is buy identical socks in bulk (bags of ten pairs at a time) and take additional ones in as needed. As they are identical, they all match and it doesn't matter if one or two or five go missing, they still all match. They don't cost enough for me to care about one way or the other. I freely admit there is very little I would enjoy less than sewing name tapes in to clothing, or ironing them in, or doing anything to socks.

I have heard you can get good labels for shoes from Clark's, and am always meaning to try this (I do sometimes find her wearing someone else's shoes, but they seem to fit so I am leaving well enough alone) but haven't.

 

[Violetrose]

Apologies for the lengthy post, but I don't know what to do.

After just 9 nine days in a Care Home, the home have called to say they have reached crisis point and they cannot cope with my dad and he needs to leave.

My dad has Advanced Dementia and was living alone in his own home, the Social worker and myself agreed that he was no longer safe to live at home, due to an escalating number of issues; mainly going out at all times of day or night in any weather, waiting for the bank to open, burning his leg on an electric fire, fusing lights by screwing in the wrong bulbs into light fittings. Burning his kettle and releasing toxic fumes in his home, not going to bed, not being able to prepare simple meals (teabags on 2 slices of bread was a sandwich and drinks: cold water with milk in it). Constantly hiding things and believing there are people in his home, not able to recognise his own reflection and thinking the man is spying on him from next door and getting abusive and violent because of it. I could go on.

So I found a care home that dealt specifically with dementia sufferers, it was in the town where he lives and it was only small with 31 residents. A place became available and I took him and he moved in there on Friday 13th April.

On the first Saturday evening he was reported to safeguarding due to an incident with another male resident he got verbally abusive and attempted to get hold of his arm. So he was reported.

Then things settled down apart from him wandering around the home, trying doors and windows trying to get out.

I visited him on Wednesday 18th April, he had no recollection that it was me that took him there, because he kept asking how did I know he was there. He said he liked it and he had made friends, not once did he ask to go home, the only thing he asked to do was to go and get some money.

Saturday 21st April, I visited him again with my husband, again he asked how did I know he was there, did his dad tell me. When I asked him if he was liking living there, he said he had lived here for years and it was good. Later he asked me how my dad was.

Saturday evening around 10.20pm I get a phone call from the home, dad has escaped by climbing out of a window. Now I have had conflicting information that the window lock was faulty, but I've also been told he broke it. They found him about 11.10pm quite a distance from the home, not heading home or to the bank. But their biggest worry is that the home backs onto a canal walk, which is very dark and they were worried he might have headed that way and could potentially have fallen into the canal and drowned. Luckily he hadn't but the risk is there.

I spoke to the home the next morning and he settled fine once he was back in the home.

Sunday 22nd April I get a phone call at 8.15pm dad has his coat on and is trying to get out of the home again and they currently are having to give him one to one attention, can I come down and settle him and be with him, so they can get other residents to bed. So off I go, when I arrive dad greets me saying "oh good she can take me now". I find out he wants to get some money from the bank. (This is his obsession). It took me about 30 mins to convince him there was no money, the bank was shut, it was dark and it was bed time and to take his coat off. He accepts that the home is now where he Iives and he likes it, but still feels the need to get out. I finally left him around 10.15pm happy to get ready for bed.

This morning, I got a call from the manager of the home, she said due to the issues over the weekend they feel they cannot give dad the one to one support that he needs and they have reached crisis point and want him removed. She said she had spoken to the Social worker and I have to call her.

I have spoken to the Social worker and she is at a loss for what to do. I have said dad cannot return to his home, that is not an option. She has gone away to seek advice and hopefully a solution.

This is a nightmare.

Elle x

Hi Elle, you are right it is a nightmare. I had pretty much the same situation with my Dad. He was turned out of 4 cares homes became they could not manage him. There were safeguarding issues. Eventually he got so violent and determined to get out of the last home that they called the Police. When I got there he was in handcuffs and leg restraints, still fighting and spitting at the Police. He was taken to A&E and Sectioned under The Mental Health Act as he met 2 of the criteria for being Sectioned, being a danger to himself and a danger to others. Being Sectioned was the only possible thing to do. He received the most wondeful care once he was Sectioned and was cared for in specialist NHS mental health unit, where staffing levels were well above what could be provided in a care home. He had virtually one to one care and they managed to calm his behaviors and settle him down.They were fantastic. The fist thing the consultant on the Unit said to me was, go home rest and recover, you have done what you can, we will look after him now. It was a huge relief. I don't know if this any help to you, but you have my deepest sympathies and sincerely hope you can get help with your Dad.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Hi Elle, you are right it is a nightmare. I had pretty much the same situation with my Dad. He was turned out of 4 cares homes became they could not manage him. There were safeguarding issues. Eventually he got so violent and determined to get out of the last home that they called the Police. When I got there he was in handcuffs and leg restraints, still fighting and spitting at the Police. He was taken to A&E and Sectioned under The Mental Health Act as he met 2 of the criteria for being Sectioned, being a danger to himself and a danger to others. Being Sectioned was the only possible thing to do. He received the most wondeful care once he was Sectioned and was cared for in specialist NHS mental health unit, where staffing levels were well above what could be provided in a care home. He had virtually one to one care and they managed to calm his behaviors and settle him down.They were fantastic. The fist thing the consultant on the Unit said to me was, go home rest and recover, you have done what you can, we will look after him now. It was a huge relief. I don't know if this any help to you, but you have my deepest sympathies and sincerely hope you can get help with your Dad.

From a desperately horrible situation for your dad and yourself how heartwarming to hear this compassionate consultant talk in such a way. It reinforces that while we would do absolutely anything for our very much loved pwd sometimes the illness goes way beyond anything that we can do and finding the right expertise and help is crucial and being sectioned was a big part of that help coming.

 

[Elle3]

I'm glad to hear your dad has now moved, I hope he settles well.

It can be alarming to begin when you encounter some of the other residents. My mother is (I'd say) mid-stage. Her CH has residents at all stages of dementia from early to late. There are several who are clearly late stage and are either sleeping, or shouting/la-la-ing loudly nonstop. They tend to be in the main lounge and there is a smaller lounge and a dining room to go to if you want to avoid them. I've never seen any violence or aggression and but possibly I've been lucky. The staff seem to deal with all needs very well and there is always a pleasant atmosphere.

My mother was asked to arrive with 2 weeks worth of meds but unfortunately she actually only arrived with 4 days' worth. It was a minor annoyance, the CH dealt with it (I think they rang her old GP and asked for a prescription to be sent down to them) and my mother didn't go without her meds.

I hear you re the socks - I did actually label my mothers' socks, I do not sew and did all her labelling with iron-on tape. It's survived on her clothing so far, although socks are v difficult as stretchy so I guess they may not get returned reliably. Slugsta's clip-on tape looks a good option for socks and undies, hadn't seen that before.

Thanks Sirena for your reply, I've just spent over a hour embroidering initials in 3 pairs of socks, I really don't think it is worth my time, I think I would rather keep buying new socks when required, but I may look into those clip-on labels, they do sound good.

Regarding the meds, I think that's what the nurse said she was going to do, call his current GP and get them to do some prescriptions, problem is they can be quite awkward.

Elle x

 

[Elle3]

Elle, I don't really know what to say other than, I am sorry for the whole experience and everything about it. I can understand you feeling tired and not excited about starting all over again.

Regarding clothes and labels for same: I also label my mother's clothes mainly with a marker pen--a Sharpie brand one made for fabric, although I'm not sure it's actually different from a regular Sharpie, other than the price! I order these two at a time from Amazon. I write her initials on the washing instruction tags, and/or inside the back collar of the shirt/top.

I also started using Stickins brand labels on some items that aren't easy to use the marker pen on, at the suggestion of TP. I bought them on Amazon. This is mostly her black knit trousers that she favors as the black marker won't show on the black fabric and the tags aren't positioned where the staff can easily see the initials when doing laundry. I've only recently started using them so I am not yet sure how they hold up to the industrial washers and dryers, but thought it was worth a try.

I don't label her socks because the thought of doing so makes me horribly tired, if you know what I mean. What I do is buy identical socks in bulk (bags of ten pairs at a time) and take additional ones in as needed. As they are identical, they all match and it doesn't matter if one or two or five go missing, they still all match. They don't cost enough for me to care about one way or the other. I freely admit there is very little I would enjoy less than sewing name tapes in to clothing, or ironing them in, or doing anything to socks.

I have heard you can get good labels for shoes from Clark's, and am always meaning to try this (I do sometimes find her wearing someone else's shoes, but they seem to fit so I am leaving well enough alone) but haven't.

Thanks Amy, I will get over it, what matters most is that my dad is happy and settles OK.

With all dads other clothes I've been using one of those laundry pens too, so much easier than sew in and iron on labels, it was just the socks that I couldn't write on. I have as a trial just spent over a hour sewing initials in just 3 pairs of socks, don't think I will do that again.

Elle x

 

[Elle3]

Hi Elle, you are right it is a nightmare. I had pretty much the same situation with my Dad. He was turned out of 4 cares homes became they could not manage him. There were safeguarding issues. Eventually he got so violent and determined to get out of the last home that they called the Police. When I got there he was in handcuffs and leg restraints, still fighting and spitting at the Police. He was taken to A&E and Sectioned under The Mental Health Act as he met 2 of the criteria for being Sectioned, being a danger to himself and a danger to others. Being Sectioned was the only possible thing to do. He received the most wondeful care once he was Sectioned and was cared for in specialist NHS mental health unit, where staffing levels were well above what could be provided in a care home. He had virtually one to one care and they managed to calm his behaviors and settle him down.They were fantastic. The fist thing the consultant on the Unit said to me was, go home rest and recover, you have done what you can, we will look after him now. It was a huge relief. I don't know if this any help to you, but you have my deepest sympathies and sincerely hope you can get help with your Dad.

Thank you Violetrose, what an upsetting story regarding your poor dad, but at least it sounds like he got the best care eventually and was cared for by a very understanding and compassionate Consultant.

My first impression of the new care home he moved into yesterday have been good and I think they have a far better understanding of Dementia and how to distract and deal with their residents. They have already been implementing strategies which definitely seem to be working to distract dad from wanting to leave, which is good.

Elle x

 

[Malalie]

Violet - what a desperately upsetting thing that you had to go through, but it's very encouraging to hear of your Dads experiences afterwards and what an unusually understanding consultant he had? Thanks for sharing that - you must have had a very hard time.

Elle - I'm glad the new home are actually thinking about ways to keep your Dad calm and happy, and hopefully things may improve a little now.

It's so scary going into an EMI home , or even any dementia home - I felt like a fish out of water. The more I visited, and the more relatives and residents I got to know, the more comfortable it started to feel, and the 'abnormal' sort of became the 'normal' Bit of a parallel universe really.

I hope it's all going to get better for you and your Dad now. xx

 

[70smand]

Violet - what a desperately upsetting thing that you had to go through, but it's very encouraging to hear of your Dads experiences afterwards and what an unusually understanding consultant he had? Thanks for sharing that - you must have had a very hard time.

Elle - I'm glad the new home are actually thinking about ways to keep your Dad calm and happy, and hopefully things may improve a little now.

It's so scary going into an EMI home , or even any dementia home - I felt like a fish out of water. The more I visited, and the more relatives and residents I got to know, the more comfortable it started to feel, and the 'abnormal' sort of became the 'normal' Bit of a parallel universe really.

I hope it's all going to get better for you and your Dad now. xx

I totally get the ‘bit of a parallel universe’ quote- think I will steel that from you because it really does just about sum it up!

 

[Elle3]

I visited dad today, the first visit since I took him to the new home on Wednesday. He was fast asleep in a chair in the lounge when I arrived. But he looked so well and content. The redness and dry skin which was covering his face on Wednesday has somehow miraculously disappeared and he was very well shaved, just like my old dad and his hair was just how he likes it.

When he awoke he was so pleased to see me, but this time, there were no questions of how I knew he was there, if he was leaving to go home or wanting to get out. He seemed so happy and settled. I can't tell you what a relief this is. The care home have also said he has not even tried to escape, he has asked to go to the bank occasionally but they have managed to distract him, by telling him there is only one bus every hour, so he's got time for a drink before he leaves and then he's been happy to get a drink and he's not mentioned going to the bank again.

I sat with him this morning and it was just so peaceful and relaxing and I actually felt the stress of the last few weeks draining away. There were three other residents in the lounge area, but they were all spread out doing different things, I even played dolls/babies with one lady and I found out this morning that the gentleman that has been following me around each time I have visited, I used to know him (now I know why he did seem familiar to me), he is from my home town and he's the Uncle of a very old friend of mine, who I lost touch with when I got married. She was there today visiting him with her Auntie and we had a lovely catch up.

It's also great that this home is just a 6 minute drive from my house, I now feel able to pop in and see dad at anytime knowing it's not going to take up half my day going back and forth.

Hope you have all had a good day?
Take care.
Elle x