Crisis imminent

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
Well Jean's sister has finally landed in hospital for what I believe to be the last time. She is dying of cancer and is Jean's closest relative both geographically and emotionally. We are led to believe that she will be transferred from hospital to hospice where she will be until she dies.

This has caused chaos with Jean. She was wandering off yesterday and 'worrying the neighbours' as we were told by a phone call from her other sister at 7.30am yesterday morning just as we were getting ready to leave for work. Like I am bothered what her neighbours think - that is totally NOT the important factor here but is what her sister Nancy was fixating on. That and the fact she had decided to go shopping that day which meant in her eyes that we had to just blow off work and come and sit with Jean all day!! What were we supposed to do????? Gav has just started a trial run in a new job (some of you may recall that he is being made redundant soon) so he couldn't just not turn up and I don't drive.

Consequently I spent most of the day on the phone trying to get help - home help couldn't do any more than give her her breakfast, her social worker is off sick and ALL the other social workers were in a meeting ALL DAY!!!! Then I tried the doc - he is away til monday!!

We tried to stay calm and wait til we could get over there after work and when we went to speak to Nancy she said she hadn't gone shopping after all but didn't think to let us know - just let us worry all day!! Now she has decided not to have anything to do with Jean. In her words 'she will have to manage on her own from now on'. Trouble is she provides Jean's evening meal - her other sister who is now in hospital used to provide lunch and home help sorted breakfast. Now all she has is breakfast!! Some of you may be thinking that Nancy won't go through with abandoning her sister but she has in fact booked a holiday away that starts this saturday!!!!!!!

I am at my wits end really - I have NO idea what to do other than I am going to try and hassle the social services again today. She will be at the daycare centre today so I am a little calmer than yesterday but what about tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that?? I know I should take it one day at a time but I can't. I am so scared she is going to wander off and get scared or hurt or worse. I just don't know what to do :(

Sorry that was a little longer than I expected it to be and my real question was going to be 'does anyone have any experience of care homes in North Yorkshire? Particularly near Ingleton, Bentham, Settle, Skipton areas??'

Sorry again for rambling,

Blue_Gremlin
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
Phew ... what a tangled web, eh? Are you able to contact the CPN or the local branch of the Alzheimer's society? They are likely to have dealt with this sort of problem before, so even if they can't help directly they might be able to offer suggestions of how to cope.

Best wishes
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
Hi
I'm still learning and muddling through ....but surely could this be a case for emergency respite care....?
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
HI Blue Gremlin! Sorry you're having it so rough again..... I thought all social work teams had to have a 'Duty Officer' on call ... and some areas are structured with a 24/7 Emergency Duty Team .... ???

I have found Age Concern to be really helpful, not necessarily to offer solutions, but to guide me in the direction..... (not to mention giving me a bit of confidence)....just an idea (my enquiries have been on far less trivial matters so far)

Thinking of you, let us know how things go...

Love, Karen

PS: Good luck to Gav
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Blue Gremlin,
'does anyone have any experience of care homes in North Yorkshire? Particularly near Ingleton, Bentham, Settle, Skipton areas??'
Does sound as though you know what you have to do. Have you looked on ths CSCI website, you can read reports on the different care homes? You need to talk to the CPN and SW, let them know that Jean is not going to have the support of her sisters and see what they can suggest.
Let us know how you get on.
Love Helen
 

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
Update

Thanks for all your posts.

I did get hold of Jean's social worker today (who was only off sick for one day luckily). The best she could come up with at short notice is getting the home help to go in at lunchtime as well as morning to give Jean a sandwich - which is fine except it meant I had to do some emergency grocery shopping since she had nothing in the house - well why would she if other people were providing her food for her? That is all very well and yes she will get a meal but who is there when she gets upset and wanders off?? What is she going to do when she can't find either of her sisters cos one is in hospital and the other is off on a jolly holiday??

What gets me is that the social worker spoke to her sister Nancy (the one who told us yesterday she had had it and was abandoning Jean) and she said she was happy to give her an evening meal and wasn't really sure if she was going on holiday or not!!!!!!!! She made me out to be over-reacting if not lying to the social worker by saying the COMPLETE opposite to her that she had said to us!!!!! :mad:

So now I don't think her social worker is going to me seriously again and next time it could be REALLY serious!! It makes me sooooooooo angry grrrrrrr :mad:

Blue_Gremlin
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
Blue_Gremlin said:

So now I don't think her social worker is going to me seriously again and next time it could be REALLY serious!! It makes me sooooooooo angry grrrrrrr :mad:
Blue_Gremlin
maybe you could call the social worker and explain this from your point of view. sounds like Nancy is pretty ambivalent about caring for her ...... maybe the tangle lots of us get into between feeling daunted but feeling obliged. SW should be able to understand this ....... and it might be useful to have had that discussion and have it on file ready for "next time".

best wishes

Áine
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Blue Gremlin,
I really think that you need to start to put in place provision for Jean that does not rely on the good will of her sister. Her sister has obviously reached a place where she does not want to feel responsible, she has been telling you that for a while. You must act on it, even if she does not go on holiday - I think that the holiday was a ploy to try and get you and Gav to make alternative arrangements - get on the Internet and start looking for care homes, you have to make sure that Jean is safe.
Love Helen.