Dear David,
I so feel for you and your mum.
My mother was admitted to hospital on the 14th of december with Kidney failure but in response to IV fluids and antibiotics she has pulled through and is now back to what is normal for mum these days and returned to her care home a couple of days ago.
We were told when she was admitted that she had hours maybe days to live and have been on a seesaw of despair and hopefulness all over christmas.
She is still not eating but is drinking again. When I am there I bully her into eating a little but I can understand why the care staff don't feel able to bully her in the way I do, there must be a fine line between care and coercion.
My mum would not want her life extended in these circumstances and my brother and I agreed to a DNR order but allowing her to die of dehydration and starvation was unthinkable. Well unthinkable for us but not for some of the medical staff apparently. Her quality of life is pretty poor with her AD but if she didn't have AD no one would dream of witholding life saving treatment.
My letter of complaint has now been sent to everyone concerned with my mothers care but sometimes I think maybe we did the wrong thing in pursuing hospital treatment, maybe we should have just let her slip away. There is a saying "Be careful of what you wish for". Then again I need to know that I have done everything reasonably possible for my mum and not allowed her to be treated with a lack of dignity and humanity.
Mum is in a care home now but the the constant worry and stress remains even though I am no longer doing the physical caring.
It's the hardest thing in the world to watch your loved ones slipping away, even more so when their demise is so inevitable but so prolonged but somewhere at least they know they were loved. My warmest thoughts are with you David, be strong.
Kind regards
Lou Lou