Mum declined drastically after uti some weeks ago and shows no improvement. Doubly incontinent, can't stand unless held by two staff, becomes very frightened when moved to wheelchair or even when rolled in bed for pad change. Has to be spoon fed and encouraged to swallow drinks. Alarmed by personal care and can't understand how to cooperate. Distant tired look in her eyes and although kisses can still bring smiles she seems to find it hard to concentrate on even simple conversation. Compared to the long hard journey some of you have travelled I have really only just started on the tough times - but feel so very scared. I am away on holiday for a week which I hoped would let me step back from dementia and appreciate the good things and people in my life but I just keep thinking about my last visit to mum and crying in secret for how she is now and how much worse it is likely to get before the end. Like some others, I just hope a massive heart attack takes her quickly. If her real self could see how distressed she became as I gently tried to clean dried faces from her fingers she would be mortified. I miss her terribly after being away just a couple of days yet am so scared of her being even worse by the time I get back.