Hello out there!
I’ve been caring for my mum (aged 87)for roughly 12 years, after TIA’s, I moved back to my home town after 20 years in London,as she had her driving license taken away and I wanted to “look after her”. She moved into a granny flat at our home as her needs were minimal at that time- help with shopping etc.
3 years ago she was diagnosed with dementia, I am very fortunate, I run my own business, so that allowed me to have more time than most to keep her safe ,take her out, lunch, perhaps the zoo, or some fresh air on the beach. She has always refused outside help.
We were doing ok, and then Covid 19 hit- pre Lock down she was still managing to get in and out of bed, shower herself and dress herself, but I have done every meal for the last 3 years. However 2 weeks into what for us has been a 12 week lock down and agitation, aggression ( not violence) started. Walk about, wanting to go home, for her that seems to be her childhood home, over 60 miles away,I spoke to our GP and she was prescribed additional meds to calm her moods, I spent a week on a matress on her dining room floor in order to monitor how she responded to the new meds- these really helped for about a month, other than additional personal care needs and then she had a week in bed, back to the GP, who did a video call with mum and put a Statement of Intent in place, things were looking bad!
Then remarkably she improved, but with raging aggression so we have had to up the meds again, as she started waving her stick at me.Another week on the floor!!!
Mum’s moods are reasonable again, but the additional personal care she requires is now beyond my capability, showering, dressing, toileting, now signs of incontinence too, and 3 falls in the last 8 weeks, the last resulting in a probable cracked rib, no X-ray as nothing they can do with a cracked rib, and they don’t want to risk taking her to hospital, because of the wretched Covid. Tonight I’ve had to lift her into bed with her so upset and apologetic because “she feels so ill, and can’t do anything for herself”. She’s right, and I have contacted social services, spoken to a Covid free care home, and can with a negative Covid test result place her middle of next week, but i’m In bits- and I don’t believe it’s just the usual guilt of finally admitting I can’t cope, (My gran suffered with dementia too, so I’ve always known that I was setting myself up to fail and that at some point we’d need a care home) I can’t believe we’ve got so far on our own and I now see no option but a care home, despite Covid and consequently not being able to physically see her so late in her dementia journey.
Thoughts please, and thanks for reading. X
I’ve been caring for my mum (aged 87)for roughly 12 years, after TIA’s, I moved back to my home town after 20 years in London,as she had her driving license taken away and I wanted to “look after her”. She moved into a granny flat at our home as her needs were minimal at that time- help with shopping etc.
3 years ago she was diagnosed with dementia, I am very fortunate, I run my own business, so that allowed me to have more time than most to keep her safe ,take her out, lunch, perhaps the zoo, or some fresh air on the beach. She has always refused outside help.
We were doing ok, and then Covid 19 hit- pre Lock down she was still managing to get in and out of bed, shower herself and dress herself, but I have done every meal for the last 3 years. However 2 weeks into what for us has been a 12 week lock down and agitation, aggression ( not violence) started. Walk about, wanting to go home, for her that seems to be her childhood home, over 60 miles away,I spoke to our GP and she was prescribed additional meds to calm her moods, I spent a week on a matress on her dining room floor in order to monitor how she responded to the new meds- these really helped for about a month, other than additional personal care needs and then she had a week in bed, back to the GP, who did a video call with mum and put a Statement of Intent in place, things were looking bad!
Then remarkably she improved, but with raging aggression so we have had to up the meds again, as she started waving her stick at me.Another week on the floor!!!
Mum’s moods are reasonable again, but the additional personal care she requires is now beyond my capability, showering, dressing, toileting, now signs of incontinence too, and 3 falls in the last 8 weeks, the last resulting in a probable cracked rib, no X-ray as nothing they can do with a cracked rib, and they don’t want to risk taking her to hospital, because of the wretched Covid. Tonight I’ve had to lift her into bed with her so upset and apologetic because “she feels so ill, and can’t do anything for herself”. She’s right, and I have contacted social services, spoken to a Covid free care home, and can with a negative Covid test result place her middle of next week, but i’m In bits- and I don’t believe it’s just the usual guilt of finally admitting I can’t cope, (My gran suffered with dementia too, so I’ve always known that I was setting myself up to fail and that at some point we’d need a care home) I can’t believe we’ve got so far on our own and I now see no option but a care home, despite Covid and consequently not being able to physically see her so late in her dementia journey.
Thoughts please, and thanks for reading. X
