Covid 19 and maintaining our support for mum

[Sigricb]

Mum is 87 diagnosed 3 years ago with Alzheimer's dad died 5 years ago. We visit regularly with shopping, frozen meals do her washing and help her shower. We have tried to limit time we visited and just drop of food etc but she has became more anxious and confused and thinks we dont want to visit anymore as she is the problem and will give us the virus! We have thought long and hard about this and have decided that we should go as normal taking all necessary precautions to protect her but feel this is better than her being constantly scared and anxious that we have abandoned her.
I would like to know what others are doing are any helpful tips.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Sigricb. This is such a hard time for everyone. I'm sure you'll get lots of help and support here.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome from me too @Sigricb

I don’t have my dad anymore but if he was still here I would do just the same as you. It’s a balancing act. I would leave my coat in the car as an extra precaution and used a diluted bleach spray on all hard surfaces I touched on the way in before washing my hands.

Dad saw us everyday for hours and wouldn’t have understood limited contact either unless we were actually ill.

 

[Sigricb]

Welcome from me too @Sigricb

I don’t have my dad anymore but if he was still here I would do just the same as you. It’s a balancing act. I would leave my coat in the car as an extra precaution and used a diluted bleach spray on all hard surfaces I touched on the way in before washing my hands.

Dad saw us everyday for hours and wouldn’t have understood limited contact either unless we were actually ill.

Thanks helpful and reassuring we feel it's best for her given circumstances.

 

[Moggymad]

There is only so much you can do to protect your mum & in the end reducing care can be just as hazardous. My partner & his sister are in a similar situation & are continuing to provide the assistance their dad needs whilst being especially careful about the risks while having to carry on. As Bunpoots says I too would have had to continue for my mum if she were still with us. Best wishes.

 

[Sigricb]

There is only so much you can do to protect your mum & in the end reducing care can be just as hazardous. My partner & his sister are in a similar situation & are continuing to provide the assistance their dad needs whilst being especially careful about the risks while having to carry on. As Bunpoots says I too would have had to continue for my mum if she were still with us. Best wishes.

Thanks really appreciate that it makes us feel more comfortable with our decision.

 

[Emmcee]

Hi Sigricb,
I am in a similar situation to yourself and normally visit my 88 year old mum twice a week although she lives 55 miles away. Following closure of her lunch club/day care, I've increased her meals on wheels service to ensure that she's getting at least a hot meal every day, have increased the number of phone calls every day - in part to ensure she's okay but also to try to reinforce reality because her normally rigid routine has been thrown into total disarray.
As you have found, limiting the time of a normal visit also seems to make my mum worse and increases her anxiety. Like yourself, I have thought long and hard about the situation and have made the decision to continue visiting in as normal a manner as possible. The only real concession I've made so far has been no hugs/kissing and have tried to almost made a joke of having to blow kisses
Ultimately I think we can only do our best, weigh up the pros and cons of the situation. What's worse .... a nasty bug versus a loved one whos dementia deteriorates+++?
Morag

 

[Damarl]

Mum is 87 diagnosed 3 years ago with Alzheimer's dad died 5 years ago. We visit regularly with shopping, frozen meals do her washing and help her shower. We have tried to limit time we visited and just drop of food etc but she has became more anxious and confused and thinks we dont want to visit anymore as she is the problem and will give us the virus! We have thought long and hard about this and have decided that we should go as normal taking all necessary precautions to protect her but feel this is better than her being constantly scared and anxious that we have abandoned her.
I would like to know what others are doing are any helpful tips.

This is a very difficult time especially when we are being told to self isolate. You are your mother's support network and ray of hope. Your mother is in the moderate to severe stages of her her Alzheimer's, trying to explain your limited visits will not work as she will not be able to process it. Try and use reminisce therapy. Talk about the war and how it impacted on society, have her tell you about her experiences and fears. Then talk about your fears today. She might be able to relate likewise she might not. It is hard to stay away, but you have to acknowledge that she is a high risk group and getting the virus can lead to the worst outcomes. As you said you are taking all the necessary precautions. Try and see her as often as you can without putting her at risk. Is there any chance she can spend some time with you? As this way you could isolate with her and minimize the risk of travelling back and forth.