Hi Everyone, Happy New Year to you all
I have enjoyed several months of mum being very stable, no major downward turns, just little by little more memory disappearing, but for all that happy in herself and happy in the NH.
We had a lovely Christmas; a bit challenging in terms of getting to the NH, getting mum ready and catering for everyone else in the family, but I managed it.
Christmas Day was really lovely. My son was on duty, but he even managed to get home to see Nan for 20 minutes, (she had never seen him in his Police uniform), and was thrilled to bits. She had plenty of naps throughout the day, but each time was refreshed. She had hearty meals, and plenty of bits besides. I didn’t take her home until 10:00pm, tired but happy, I left he snuggled up in her new fluffy dressing gown very happy indeed.
Boxing Day. Again a bit of a challenge to get over to the NH, get mum dressed and ready, then back home to finish off the lunch. Then the arrival of the grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren, the youngest of which is 3 months old. Mum was clearly very pleased to meet the new baby and had lots of cuddles. However by 4:00pm mum said she was tired and wanted to go home. I settled her for the night, the nurses brought her evening meal to her room, and she looked happy and content.
Even before the holiday mum had a cough, just like the rest of us, nothing major, just annoying, it didn’t seem to bother her too much.
I popped over to see her the day before New Year’s Eve and she was fine, still had the cough but was happy in herself.
I went away for one night, New Year’s Eve. I phoned the NH in the morning, mum wasn’t up, but was fine and it was only 9:30am.
I phoned on my return, mum had refused to get up for two days, and she hadn’t washed, not eaten much, but as usual had drunk copious amounts of tea. The nurse also told me that she still had the cough, it wasn’t any worse, but they had organised for the doctor to come yesterday anyway just to check her over.
When I arrived at the NH mum looked dreadful, (now day 3 of being in bed), not ill, but unkempt. Filthy nightdress, she had refused to change it, hair all over the place, and clearly she hadn’t washed, and she was in a dreadful mood, she had been verbally abusive to all the staff. She told me to sod off, she wanted to die, hated the NH, hated everyone, even took a swing at me when I went to kiss her.
When the doctor arrived she physically fought him like a demon when he tried to take her pulse and listen to her chest. Her language was dreadful. Flashback 16 months ago. The doctor said no chest infection, tummy soft and normal, pulse irregular, which is normal for mum since the heart attack. Physically she is fine. I asked did he think that Christmas had just been too much for mum, he didn’t think so, he put it down to a decline in her AD.
I have obviously been in fools’ paradise, thinking that mum would not return to being the aggressive demon she was 16 months ago, but obviously that was very stupid of me. I guess I should be grateful that I had a period of mum being, for want of a better word, ‘nice’.
Today I feel totally heartbroken; I honestly didn’t think mum would return to that ‘phase’ of her AD again. I have cried buckets since yesterday. The nurses have been fantastic, they take the verbal abuse on the ‘chin’ and try the very best they can with her.
I have always had a very subservient relationship with my mum, her word was always law. What to do now, do I take a firmer approach with her, (I didn’t last time, I just took the abuse, or on the worst days, I simply left) do I try to insist that she get up, get washed, get dressed, or at least change out of her filthy nightdress, or do I just leave her to get on with it.
For my part, gone is the lady who bounced up the NH front door looking forward to her visit, or bringing my mum home for the day. Here we go again, talking myself into going to visit, tears outside the door, heavy heart, not knowing what to expect. All this in less than a week.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my post. I cannot face ‘talking’ to anyone about it, but this has helped me. I think I may just go back under the duvet myself.
Love to all
Cate xxxx
I have enjoyed several months of mum being very stable, no major downward turns, just little by little more memory disappearing, but for all that happy in herself and happy in the NH.
We had a lovely Christmas; a bit challenging in terms of getting to the NH, getting mum ready and catering for everyone else in the family, but I managed it.
Christmas Day was really lovely. My son was on duty, but he even managed to get home to see Nan for 20 minutes, (she had never seen him in his Police uniform), and was thrilled to bits. She had plenty of naps throughout the day, but each time was refreshed. She had hearty meals, and plenty of bits besides. I didn’t take her home until 10:00pm, tired but happy, I left he snuggled up in her new fluffy dressing gown very happy indeed.
Boxing Day. Again a bit of a challenge to get over to the NH, get mum dressed and ready, then back home to finish off the lunch. Then the arrival of the grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren, the youngest of which is 3 months old. Mum was clearly very pleased to meet the new baby and had lots of cuddles. However by 4:00pm mum said she was tired and wanted to go home. I settled her for the night, the nurses brought her evening meal to her room, and she looked happy and content.
Even before the holiday mum had a cough, just like the rest of us, nothing major, just annoying, it didn’t seem to bother her too much.
I popped over to see her the day before New Year’s Eve and she was fine, still had the cough but was happy in herself.
I went away for one night, New Year’s Eve. I phoned the NH in the morning, mum wasn’t up, but was fine and it was only 9:30am.
I phoned on my return, mum had refused to get up for two days, and she hadn’t washed, not eaten much, but as usual had drunk copious amounts of tea. The nurse also told me that she still had the cough, it wasn’t any worse, but they had organised for the doctor to come yesterday anyway just to check her over.
When I arrived at the NH mum looked dreadful, (now day 3 of being in bed), not ill, but unkempt. Filthy nightdress, she had refused to change it, hair all over the place, and clearly she hadn’t washed, and she was in a dreadful mood, she had been verbally abusive to all the staff. She told me to sod off, she wanted to die, hated the NH, hated everyone, even took a swing at me when I went to kiss her.
When the doctor arrived she physically fought him like a demon when he tried to take her pulse and listen to her chest. Her language was dreadful. Flashback 16 months ago. The doctor said no chest infection, tummy soft and normal, pulse irregular, which is normal for mum since the heart attack. Physically she is fine. I asked did he think that Christmas had just been too much for mum, he didn’t think so, he put it down to a decline in her AD.
I have obviously been in fools’ paradise, thinking that mum would not return to being the aggressive demon she was 16 months ago, but obviously that was very stupid of me. I guess I should be grateful that I had a period of mum being, for want of a better word, ‘nice’.
Today I feel totally heartbroken; I honestly didn’t think mum would return to that ‘phase’ of her AD again. I have cried buckets since yesterday. The nurses have been fantastic, they take the verbal abuse on the ‘chin’ and try the very best they can with her.
I have always had a very subservient relationship with my mum, her word was always law. What to do now, do I take a firmer approach with her, (I didn’t last time, I just took the abuse, or on the worst days, I simply left) do I try to insist that she get up, get washed, get dressed, or at least change out of her filthy nightdress, or do I just leave her to get on with it.
For my part, gone is the lady who bounced up the NH front door looking forward to her visit, or bringing my mum home for the day. Here we go again, talking myself into going to visit, tears outside the door, heavy heart, not knowing what to expect. All this in less than a week.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my post. I cannot face ‘talking’ to anyone about it, but this has helped me. I think I may just go back under the duvet myself.
Love to all
Cate xxxx