1. susieb

    susieb Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    Just wonder about bereavement counselling - it seems wrong to indulge while a loved one is still alive - but is there a stage in AD that's recognised as a 'decent' time for carers to seek bereavement counselling? Is it a stage for the carer rather than a stage in AD? Anyone got experience of this? And I'm not sure I can speak to anyone anyway [that's what I'm doing here} And will I just feel more guilty later on?
  2. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi again susieb

    my dad went for counseling when mum was first diagnosed in february and it was offered to all of the family so i know theres people out there to help you has your mum got a CPN that you could talk too, they often have numbers of different groups in your area you could contact have you tried looking at the factsheets
    top lefthand corner of the screen under home, theres some good advice there might give you a start.
    good luck x
  3. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Hi, Susieb,

    From where did you get the idea that counselling might be an indulgence? Oh, yes, sorry, I know that one - did it myself a few weeks ago when I sobbed in front of the counsellor telling her about my guilt..... guilt (at that particular moment)because I was spending time with someone who was not my mum, my son or my husband all of whom necessarily rely on me in various ways.....and wracked with guilt for daring to have 45 minutes with a professional to try to preserve my own sanity.....

    As far as bereavement goes, this IS a bereavement insofar as it is a loss (of what or who we knew). Loss/bereavement does not have to mean death - and from my own experience some losses are harder to cope with because there is no 'finite' or forseeable or even predictable conclusion.

    I used to love that phrase 'as one door shuts another opens'.....it used to make me feel positive about change, even if the change was unwelcome..... now I want to scream 'will someone either shut the bloody thing or wedge it open permanently?!'.... dealing with the door 'ajar' is tough - hard to move on.......

    Take all the help you can get...

    Just sending huge hugs for now and hoping they help a little, Karen (TF), x
  4. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Hi Susieb

    Counselling sounds an excellent idea to help with what you're going through. It doesn't have to be "bereavement" counselling. I know some places like "cruse" are specific about it being bereavement counselling .... but lots of counsellors would see it as being a case of offering counselling to a person (with whatever collection of issues they happened to have at the time) rather than for a specific issue.

    Um ....... counselling isn't an indulgence .... it's often dammed hard work! And ultimately it's not just you that will benefit, but also your mum and the other people around you.

    You don't say where you live, but it's possible that if you live in the UK your GP surgery has a counsellor who would be able to help. Your GP could be a good place to start looking for help anyway.

  5. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    :D :D :D :D :D Love that one Karen


  6. crums

    crums Registered User

    May 22, 2004
    hi susieb i go for counselling at my gp's surgery im sure most practicise have this help for you and if not they can advise you on where to go. hope this helps take care. clare
  7. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006

    My son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes nearly 2 years ago. He coped with the diagnosis better than I do and I think he still does! He was offered counselling by the hospital as it was their procedure to offer it to all young people who had been diagnosed. He refused to go. I felt that I would have benefitted from something like this as I was in absolute pieces but was not offered anything. It was only some months later when I saw the nurse at the GP's surgery over an unrelated matter that she offered to arrange counselling for me. By then I was coping somewhat better - I had found a couple of online support groups that were literally life savers - so I didn't go ahead with it. However, I am sure it would have been equally suitable for someone with a relative with dementia. Your GP should be able to refer you to someone.

    I hope you manage to arrange something and that it helps.
  8. susieb

    susieb Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    Thanks everyone - I didn't know I'd used the word 'indulge' until you all picked up on it. Am in UK, will try GP.
  9. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Hi, SusieB!

    I think that you used the word 'indulge' perfectly - sums up how so many of us feel. Before I was in this situation I probably saw 'indulgence' as a shopping trip (for self) or a day out walking a beach.... now it seems even finding time to look after one's own health needs can send us (me certainly) off on a guilt trip! (And I include in that spending time on this site, which to me is preserving my sanity!)

    Through my mum's GP (not my own) I am being referred to a Carers' Outreach group.... Doc mentioned they even run 'Pamper Days' - first reaction, 'How can I possibly think of allowing a whole day for being 'pampered'?', second, 'yes that's exactly what I need!!! ' (Not a clue what it entails but it sounds good!! Perhaps it's gorging chocolate all day?:D ) One to one counselling is apparently another aspect of the group....

    Will post more on that when I get details through - perhaps these things run throughout the UK? Perhaps other members are already involved in something like this ....

    Good luck with GP - if no luck there are other avenues (BAC in particular) but I gather these days you need a healthy bank balance.....;)

    Hope you're having a better day today, Love Karen
  10. Bets

    Bets Registered User

    Aug 11, 2005
    South-East London, UK
    Bereavement means loss. If most people on this forum are not suffering some degree of bereavement, then I don't know who is.

    I went for counselling about three and a half years ago, once a fortnight until last October. My counsellor saw me through a period of what can only be described as grief and helped me come to terms with the loss of my husband, although I still live with and care for the man who used to be.

    I still get angry at our situation but I have moved on to acceptance. If you think there's any possibility that counselling might help you cope, then go for it. I know I would have had an even harder time without it.

  11. sophia

    sophia Registered User

    Apr 20, 2006
    I agree!

    Hi Susie
    I went via my GP and had a few sessions with a counsellor when I moved back to the area to look after mum. There is also a local carers group where group support is available and this is quite usual nationwide, sometimes via AD Society locally and sometimes via voluntary organisations, often put in place by Social Services. There's no set time for anything, just whatever you feel is useful. Try it and see. I'd call it grief counselling. (I actually work in a hospice and we offer bereavement and pre-bereavement counselling to relatives/ friends of patients known to the hospice , as well as couselling patients of they want this) CRUSE is there really post bereavement, but it strikes me now this has happened to my own mother how similar dementia is to any other life threatening disease. And yet there is a less organised approach to a more complex disease. I see so much from the hospice movement that is applicable to dementia. Occasionally people with dementia at the end of their disease are helped by hospices, but it is rare. Maybe it might increase in the future and hospices might adapt to specialise in end stage dementia. I hope so. Anyway that's by the way. Seek out some counselling and see if it's useful. I agree it's hard work but so is feeling like we do anyway! It helped me sort through a few things. My GP service couldn't offer long term counselling but even a few sessions and some homework(!) helped me. Good luck x

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