Counselling for someone with dementia

[JenniferW]

Does anyone have any experience of using counselling for someone with dementia?

My mother has Alzheimer's, lives on her own in her own home (a choice of her own which she feels very strongly about), and as a result of a combination of health problems and her own personality is now almost housebound and socially isolated. She's having to deal with the very negative reality of all this - advanced old age, health problems limiting mobility, and Alzheimer's having taken away her ability to do all the things she used to enjoy doing. She's not depressed, but having used counselling myself in the past, I wonder if some sessions with a counsellor might be helpful at this stage. We're not a family who're at all emotionally close or open with each other, so this isn't really something we can talk through or even talk much about with my mother.

Talking about how she felt about all this came up at her last Memory Clinic appointment, and having established she wasn't depressed, the CPN doing her memory tests pretty much said there was nothing they could do to help!

 

[nicoise]

Hello Jenniferw,

This was something I wondered about for my mum too, as she was depressed and had the challenge of a lot of insight into her problems and their implication all the way through until her very rapid final decline.

I did speak about the possibility of counselling and whether it would hep with a psychotherapy counsellor, but she did point out that as always with counselling it had to be the choice of the individual, and that it would only be of use if that person really wanted it for themselves. Just because I had found it useful and thought it was a good idea wasn't necessarily going to suit my mum if she didn't! Ultimately I didn't pursue it.

So sorry, I don't have experience of it - but maybe someone else does.

 

[stanleypj]

I think nicoise has put her finger on what is likely to be the biggest problem. If, as you say, you're not a family who're at all emotionally close or open with each other (not unusual, I guess) then I suppose it will be difficult to talk about the possibilities counselling might offer. You know your mum and we don't but it might be worth trying to discuss the matter with her and maybe get to a point where she would be prepared to give it a try.

Then, of course, you'd still have the difficulty of finding a counsellor who would be prepared to take her on. But as so many people have experience of communicating with family members who have dementia, there probably people out there who would be able to rise to the challenge. Certainly if you can get her to the starting line, it's hard to think it could do any harm.

At least you're considering possibilities and that's so much more sensible than the fatalism of the Memory Clinic - and so much of the dementia industry.

 

[Sue J]

Being part of a family that has difficulties communicating and being open I can understand how you might feel that counselling might help your Mum. However, having dementia symptoms myself has caused my family to distance from me. If I could talk to them I would ask them to just visit me, not for long at a time but just to recognize things have changed like I am having to recognize, I believe it would help them too because I want to talk to them about my difficulties but also to make them realise I am still here and they would help me to retain things about myself which I find hard to find or remember at times, they are still my nearest and dearest.

I think too I would benefit from counselling not least because of the isolating nature of this illness, but I would rather share with my family. My CMT want me off the books - I wonder what they learn about isolation and it's impact on mental health when they train? Dementia may not be curable but it can be dealt with in a postive way or as Stanelypj says in a fatalistic way. I find it very hard to find any positives in my experience of this but I know I am a human being who needs some help and for professionals to close the door because they don't know what to do just demonstrates how much as a society we have to learn about human need. One day anyone of us will need it.

Hope you manage to help find best way forward for you and your Mum
Best wishes
Sue

 

[AlsoConfused]

My Mum benefited from bereavement counselling, even though by then her ability to retain any information was patchy at best. The counselling helped her to gain a more accurate, less agonising perception of what had actually happened and so moved her towards eventual acceptance of the loss.

 

[FifiMo]

It may well have been a generational thing, but my mother would not have ever got the concept of counselling and her reaction to the suggestion would have been the same as it was to her having AZ disease - that she was not a nutter and didn't need a psychiatrist - were you trying to put her in a mental hospital or something??? What she would have benefitted from is a kiindly person calling in on her to have a chat and a gossip with her.

Fiona

 

[21citrouilles]

It helped my mother a lot. Now, it depends if your mother would be willing to try it.

 

[JenniferW]

Thank you!

Thank you, all of you who responded. It's really helped to hear pros and cons of this idea from people who understand the situation. My mother's due for an assortment of medical checks in the new year, so there would be a chance to raise this with her GP then, and he's someone who knows her well.

One of the other problems is her deafness! I'd need to track down someone who's trained to communicate with the deaf who're not using hearing aids - which is something the Memory Clinic nurses are terrible at! My sister's deaf, so in the family it's something we know how to work with, and my sister spent years as an audiology service volunteer, and the way the Memory Clinic nurses don't do the right things really stands out!