I have been advised to find a care home for my mum before it is taken from my hands as she has Alzheimer's with dementia and is now deemed unsafe to live alone. I have found one but unsure if my mum will settle so the care home has said they would take mum for respite but make it open ended. My problem is how many weeks is she allowed respite which I will pay whilst the council still pay her housing benefit and council tax reduction on her flat in case she returns home.
Council flat/care home
- Thread starter Jans66
- Start date
I can see why you want to keep the option open, I initially felt the same when my mother went into a care home a year ago - "what if it all goes wrong?". But actually there isn't really any point in keeping her flat, is there? She is unsafe, and you have been told to find her a care home, so she cannot return to the flat. If this particular care home isn't right for her, she would have to move on to another care home which can better meet her needs.
It only took my mother a few weeks (maybe four or five) to settle, but it can take longer than that. I cleared my mother's flat and handed the keys back to her landlord about two weeks after she moved. You just have to persist with it, and that is a lot easier if you *don't* have an option of her going back home. Bear in mind that wherever she is, she is unlikely to be 'happy' as few people with dementia are. But she will be safe, and hopefully will settle to be content.
It only took my mother a few weeks (maybe four or five) to settle, but it can take longer than that. I cleared my mother's flat and handed the keys back to her landlord about two weeks after she moved. You just have to persist with it, and that is a lot easier if you *don't* have an option of her going back home. Bear in mind that wherever she is, she is unlikely to be 'happy' as few people with dementia are. But she will be safe, and hopefully will settle to be content.
Unfortunately it doesn't really sound to me that she is coming home. If she is deemed to be unsafe in her own home you know deep down that she is not going back. And as other posters have said if it doesn't work out in this particular care home I'm sorry to say that she's only going to go to another one. My mother-in-law who was self-funding, was deemed unsafe in her own home . Once in her care home, I started to take steps to sell her property. Not quite the same situation ,but I just knew and accepted that she had reached the stage of no return
Hello @Jans66 and welcome to Talking Point.
It is always difficult when you have to find a care home for a relative with dementia. I was aghast when I was told to start looking for one for my mum. My mum went to her care home from hospital and I was told that she could not return home, so I didnt try respite first. I know you want to try it out, but the thing is, that you cannot take her home. If you did, I suspect that SS would take it out of your hands.
Care homes are used to people with dementia not being happy about it when they first arrive and should be able to take steps to reassure her and deal with it. My mum settled in about 6 weeks and surprised me by thriving there.
It is always difficult when you have to find a care home for a relative with dementia. I was aghast when I was told to start looking for one for my mum. My mum went to her care home from hospital and I was told that she could not return home, so I didnt try respite first. I know you want to try it out, but the thing is, that you cannot take her home. If you did, I suspect that SS would take it out of your hands.
Care homes are used to people with dementia not being happy about it when they first arrive and should be able to take steps to reassure her and deal with it. My mum settled in about 6 weeks and surprised me by thriving there.
