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Costs, payment and care for my dad

Briar

New member
Aug 11, 2020
4
0
Hi, my dad has been diagnosed with vascular dementia a few months ago and while just being able to look after himself is starting to do things to endanger himself. Social adult care has agreed he needs 24 hour care but if he says no thy can’t force him. He is not keen on it and I can see him saying no.
I am self employed (poorly), single, no kids and no home.. and was wondering if I came to support him 24 hours (basically live with him) could I charge him. He has savings and would be willing to do this. What would be a reasonable amount to charge? And if he needed full on nursing home care later on would the money he paid me be counted as savings when he was eventually. financially assessed. There is no one else to care for him.
Thanks
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,618
0
Yorkshire
hello @Briar
a warm welcome to DTP

you've asked one of the trickiest questions ... it's possible to emply someone to provide care, which means setting in place all the legalities of employing someone or using an agency .... when that person is a family member, it becomes more complicated and even more so should the family member be the person's Attorney or Deputy

you may be wise to contact the OPG and ask for guidance

you also need to think carefully of your own finances and future career ... how will you get back into your self employed situation should your dad move into full time care

your dad is entitled to an assessment of his care needs by his Local Authority Adult Services, and after a care package is agreed, his finances will be assessed

though it sounds as though you already have Social Services involved ... 24 hour care generally means residential care (an LA won't provide night care in the person's home; maximum care package is 4 home care visits a day with day care and some respite) so your dad's level of need must be high if this has been agreed by SS .... if this is the case, any one person is going to find it extremely difficult to provide all the care alone

to be honest, it seems the default for many people who need care provided is "no" as the dementia has affected their ability to recognise that they need help ... sometimes a little stealth is required, and sometimes, unfortunately, a crisis
 
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Briar

New member
Aug 11, 2020
4
0
Thanks for that. I am indeed his PoA and did think there may be restrictions on this sort of thing to prohibit the possibility of abuse . But thanks for the links, I will make what I can of them . This is the beginning of a potentially complicated journey for all.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
645
0
The OPG advice is that family carers are often better than agency ones for people with dementia and it is allowed to pay a family member - the amount should be less than that paid commercially. i can't recall where I read that but it would have been on their website or from one relating to the role of Deputies.

So we paid my sister £10 an hour to care for mum for 20 hours a week, a lot less that the £25 we eventually paid for agency carers.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,618
0
Yorkshire
hi again @Briar
this may be useful .... as I understand it, there is no umbrella advice ... the OPG will consider each case individually and do need to be contacted for permission esp when the family member is an Attorney/Deputy

also Attendance Allowance is not means tested .... once in receipt the carer can apply for carer's allowance ... and the person is entitled to disregard of Council Tax ... all help with finances
 
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jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,415
0
England
Will you be paying your Father for accommodation? If there comes a time when your Father needs help with his care fees the LA will be looking at his income and expenditure. As his POA you have to be working in his best interests when dealing with his money. Paying rent and your share towards food maybe what they would expect to see going into his account. Times are even harder for LAs now and they will certainly be looking carefully at figures. Just a thought, I have+never dealt with the LA.
 

Briar

New member
Aug 11, 2020
4
0
Thanks for all your replies. To be honest I really hope he’s ok with the residential situation. I was feeling quite confident when I asked the question. Not so much now. I’m not a professional in these matters and realise I probably won’t be the care for him (although someone suggested it’s could be better if a family member could do this) he needs.
I think I’m going through a few knee jerk ideas as it’s a bit of a jolt... and it seems (to me) he is worsening by the day. I think his assessment was on one of his more lucid days and this may have to be repeated. Care home assessment tomorrow so we shall see.
Thanks again.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,300
0
South coast
someone suggested it’s could be better if a family member could do this
Yes, up to a point, but there comes a time when what people with dementia need are properly trained professionals who are not emotionally involved.
Sometimes I wonder if what organisations mean by "better for family to look after them" is that its cheaper......
 

Hayley JS

Registered User
Feb 20, 2020
252
0
Hi Briar, sorry to hear your dads diagnosis, even when you already know what they are going to say, receiving the actual diagnosis is shockingly painful. To cut a long story short, I am a full time carer for my mum. I had a very good job, nice lifestyle etc etc, but caring for mum had become all consuming, even when she went into a CH which we both hated. Upshot is I gave notice to my employer, to mums CH and my landlord and brought mum back to her home to live 18 months ago.

Mum gets attendance allowance, I get carers allowance and mum gifts me a small sum annually which I pay into my pension. My income is waaaay below taxable but as I don't pay mum rent or contribute financially to bills my outgoings are very low. Mum has Alzheimer's and is at the moderately severe stage, I do everything for her, I'll not bore you with the list of duties! We don't have carers or day care, mum won't have them, there's nothing wrong with her you know! I don't have holidays or days off, before lockdown I got approximately 5 hrs to myself every fortnight courtesy of family and friends taking mum out. If I calculated my hourly rate it would come in at circa £1.00 per hour.

I do what I do because I loved my mum enormously, she was my best mate and faithful supporter. She's a whole new person now, but I love this person too, I'm lucky, she's generally a happy little soul. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating my choice, it was right for me, but it's certainly not for everyone and some days its simply soul destroying. It took me over four years of ping-ponging a 120 mile triangle between mums, my home and my work, living all week with mum and only going home at weekends to come to this decision, then the crisis hit and she ended up in a CH. At some point mum will be beyond my ability to care for her and a CH will inevitably be required again. I have LPA along with my invisible sibling. If at any time anyone dares to pop up and imply that I have looked after mum for financial gain, lord help 'em because I have 6 years and counting of rage to unleash at how this disease has wrecked mums and my life!

I hope all goes well with your dads assessment today and that the system will step up and take responsibility for your dads safety and wellbeing and allow you both to live your best lives. Sending you best wishes.
 

Briar

New member
Aug 11, 2020
4
0
To Haley JS. Thanks for communicating. That’s a fantastic thing that you’re doing. You must have strength, love and resolve in shed loads. Your mother is lucky to have a daughter like you and that she gets the care she does.
My strength, resolve and continuity are unfortunately not at their best, probably due to an “anxiety situation “ a short while ago. I actually feel foolish now for even thinking I could provide 24 hour care. My dad balked at the cost of care, even when he though the weekly cost was monthly. That was the reason of his first refusal. (He’s either come to terms with this now or forgotten about it.) I thought it may make him happier or more relaxed if he was spending only a small proportion of that. I’m not sure the suggestion would have made any difference now.
We’ll see what happens today.