Coronovirus at risk partner and visits to dad?

[Wildflowerlady]

Hi,
My partner is 77 yrs old and is deemed to be at high risk regards his chances of recovery from coronovirus as he has heart issues ( previous heart attack) and Parkinson's so not a particularly well man. I visit my dad around 4 times a week he still lives at his home with 4x daily care visits. My dad is now 86 yrs old mixed dementia and I'm getting very concerned as to whether I ought to be going to my dad's as I'm beginning to feel as if I may be putting both of them at risk now. I am 60 yrs old and fairly fit certainly in comparison to either of them. Dad very rarely goes out so if he were to catch it most likely it will have been brought into him at his home. I accept his carers do need to see to his daily care but he can have different carers on each visit or maybe same one twice in a day. My dad needs a lot of personal care as is doubly incontinent. One of dads carers said last week they are doing their best re: precautions when going to clients.
I do all of dads general shopping his main meal is from a frozen food company which carers heat up. If I don't spend time with my dad and just drop his shop in this week I will no doubt face a backlash from my sister who visits him every morning as she loves to make me feel guilty at every opportunity having not accepted I have to care for my partner now too. I took dad to the dentist this week after checking with them and they said they were being careful and he should still attend. I am frightened that I could be responsible for passing the virus to both my dad and partner as neither one of them would have much chance of recovery if what we read is true and they get infected. It seems my partner will be advised/forced to stay in soon although he doesn't come out with me much anyway but I'm out and about several times if only walking the dog or dropping in the shop. I would like to think I could recover well if I pick it up but can't bear the thought of being responsible of giving it to both of them.

 

[Starting on a journey]

I understand your worry and have read about your sisters behaviour. We all have to grow up, her included. In my opinion you need to quarantine with your husband at the appropriate time . Your sister will have to take over completely or the only other solution is to move your dad to yours and stop the carers.
It’s not nice.People are going to have to do what is best rather than what they want.
There is no miracle solution we will just all have to do our best. Maybe your sister will learn to control her nastiness when she sees and hears of people dying...we have only just started this.

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Hi @Starting on a journey

At the moment we all seem well however on my visit to dad this afternoon one of his carers informed me that we now have a confirmed case of Coronavirus in our area a parent of a pupil in one of our local schools and school has now been shut down. This seems a bit close for comfort so my anxiety is now heightened. My dad is completely oblivious to what is in the news a blessing really.
I have fortunately managed to get dad the supplies he needs some have been difficult such as Wet Wipes which carers regularly use when changing his pad but I haven't seen any Antibacterial Gel anywhere. I did get some toilet rolls last week before things went too mad in the shops. I have got dad some tinned fruit and custards as standbys just in case I am unable to visit and take his favourite dessert which is trifle he also has microwave puddings on a regular basis. Sister does her shop online so if a problem occurs my end maybe she can add stuff to her list or I'll have to set up a delivery service for dad. The major supermarket near me had bare shelves but my little corner shop was actually well stocked.
I plan to take dads shopping over tomorrow afternoon all being well but feel every time I shop I am exposing myself to the risk of catching the virus. I have never online shopped for grocery's but maybe I should consider now a shame as a whopping big supermarket and center almost a stone throw away which has always been good
.
To be honest I cannot imagine bringing dad to my home he can be extremely volatile and I think I would soon crack up under the pressure plus dad would never agree to leaving his dog anywhere and my own dog is epileptic so she would find his dog in our home stressful.

My relationship with sister is no better I queried why she had not put dads Dental Appointment last week on his calendar as she took dad to the dentist last time ( 6 months ago ) but all I got back was an email telling me I would have had a text the day before his appointment as dentist has me down as contact plus a lengthy lecture on how she adds her appointments onto her mobile when making hers how easy it is etc etc.
Sister however chose not to do that when she booked dads next appointment whilst at the desk 6 months ago.

I was rather annoyed as sister could have accepted a sticky print out with dads next appointment on such as I was given last week but she obviously declined it so no wonder there was little warning of his appointment which I was then aware I would be pushed to take him to.
Consequence was I left a note at dads the day before his appointment when I received the text to say he had the dentist plus the time of his appointment believing it would indicate to her I was not able to take him.
Unfortunately I had a hospital appointment to take my partner to an eye appointment same day which meant time would possibly clash as drops needed and waiting time can be lengthy between each bit of the examinations.
When partner and I returned home I called dad as he had left a garbled message on my answer machine plus two blank calls.
Dad said she had left him indicating she was in a right strop because of the note and said I was taking him so I literally had to make a mad dash over to his house.
Lunch carer was there but dad didn't have time to have his dessert its upsetting because in previous circumstances either of us could have sorted his lunch ourselves a bit earlier but this is what happens when there is lack of proper communication.
Dad was really annoyed at me as he had to be rushed getting his shoes and coat on plus he's not much help as expects his foot to be put in shoes laces done jumper pulled down he can be very little boy like.
I had to be firm as dad just wanted a thin jumper on but it was windy so I insisted he needed a coat.
Dad was very unpleasant on the way to his appointment saying I treated him like a dog said he hoped none of his neighbours saw him and screaming loudly at me to shut up when I assured him I would give him his dessert as soon as we got back home. Goodness knows what the dentist thought of dad his dementia must have accelerated since his last visit and I found myself fighting back tears watching him in her chair her poor assistant nearly got soaked when he spat into the spittoon basin. Sister of course says its all my fault when I pointed out she should have taken responsibility given she had made the appointment and should have recorded his appointment somewhere in his house ideally the calendar which is what I have done for the next check-up.

Latest email from sister is NO EMAILS NO CONTACT Get it Got it Good.
How can I communicate with someone like this.
We had stopped emailing a while back but she doesn't know the meaning of civil or Be Kind but sometimes I really feel we should email such as now with all the worry of the Coronavirus situation and what will happen should we be unable to visit dad.

 

[Starting on a journey]

Oh gosh; why can’t she grow up...people are ill and dying over the whole world and she acts like a child!

I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in. A lot more of us are going to find our lives changed over the next few months.

We have gone into isolation as mum is 89 with underlying health problems.Really not looking forward to it!

 

[Anon33]

I feel for I have difficulty with my family. All need to be on the same page , I don’t need to tell you that.
we are in isolation too. I am struggling already. With the extra physical work as well as mentally.

things were hard already then they tightened the screws more. Sending you all, all the love and support to get through xxx

 

[canary]

Oh fgs. I think that pretty soon you will have to treat her like an invisible and just get on and organise more care for your dad to cover the times you cant be there.

You dont need all of this.