I have been the only one caring for my Mum as her dementia has worsened over the last twelve years. With no siblings, no aunts ,uncles or any relatives at all I've just had to get on with things. After five hospital admissions over three years and a year of carers going in to help four times a day... just last week I had to make the sad decision that I couldn't cope any more and she has gone into a nursing home.
Despite the fact that she is not settling at all ... for me it is a weight from my shoulders! I go and visit her daily but the heavy weight of sole responsibility has gone. I feel supported by the NH and by all the staff and actually the other residents' visitors who have made me feel so welcome. I actually "enjoy" visiting now instead of that pit in the stomach feeling I had every time the telephone rang, buying all the food etc, organising the carers, organising the gardener , organising a cleaner, paying all the bills, fighting her corner for every benefit, gaining CHC funding for her and all the other responsibilities.
I am going on holiday tomorrow for the first time knowing that someone else is caring for her.
At what cost to my own health? I am totally exhausted and feel burned out. My immune system is at rock bottom from the constant stress I have been suffering for as long as I can remember. I cut my work down to part time as I couldn't manage caring and working full time. Luckily my boss can see that I need a break and has given me two weeks compassionate paid leave to try and recharge my batteries.
I did it all because, without me what would have happened to my Mum?
As someone already said there is no one to disagree with my decisions ... but I really wish I had someone to have supported me through this long and difficult journey. I can truly say when it is time for my Mum to pass on that I couldn't have done any more for her. And hopefully the long term stress will not have done me lasting harm.
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Despite the fact that she is not settling at all ... for me it is a weight from my shoulders! I go and visit her daily but the heavy weight of sole responsibility has gone. I feel supported by the NH and by all the staff and actually the other residents' visitors who have made me feel so welcome. I actually "enjoy" visiting now instead of that pit in the stomach feeling I had every time the telephone rang, buying all the food etc, organising the carers, organising the gardener , organising a cleaner, paying all the bills, fighting her corner for every benefit, gaining CHC funding for her and all the other responsibilities.
I am going on holiday tomorrow for the first time knowing that someone else is caring for her.
At what cost to my own health? I am totally exhausted and feel burned out. My immune system is at rock bottom from the constant stress I have been suffering for as long as I can remember. I cut my work down to part time as I couldn't manage caring and working full time. Luckily my boss can see that I need a break and has given me two weeks compassionate paid leave to try and recharge my batteries.
I did it all because, without me what would have happened to my Mum?
As someone already said there is no one to disagree with my decisions ... but I really wish I had someone to have supported me through this long and difficult journey. I can truly say when it is time for my Mum to pass on that I couldn't have done any more for her. And hopefully the long term stress will not have done me lasting harm.
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point