Hi I've joined this forum today, and nearly every issue I've encountered so far on my journey with my mum and dad seems to have a thread already, so I'm starting this one for anyone else on here that has no brothers or sisters. Tough isn't it?!
I have a very supportive other half and three very supportive loving kids in their twenties, plus good friends, so I'm not without a shoulder to cry on or extra hands for helping over the last few years.
However, the buck stops with me. All the responsibility for making decisions in the best interests of my mum and dad ultimately lie on my shoulders, plus no-one else knew my parents when they were young healthy adults or shares my memories of happy or sad times growing up in my family. It's a unique loneliness.
My parents moved away from me just as I was starting my own family, so distance has always been an issue. My mum has vascular dementia following TIAs in her early 70's and my dad has been her carer for many years. He developed signs of psychosis many years ago but hid it well. It was only when I went on unannounced visits that I realised just how far they had declined and how basic care needs were slipping, as their home descended into a hoarded cluttered mess. It's a long story, but luckily I got Lasting Power of Attorneys in place for them in the nick of time, thank goodness.
I've had to get both my parents into respite care, get my father sectioned, move them to different care homes, spend 6 months of all my free time alone driving miles and clearing out and selling their house, uncovered all sorts of unsavoury secrets amongst the clutter, felt angry at times with them and angry at times at the system, and felt many times that it was all too much for one person to bear. But there is no way out, no sibling to take on tasks or battles, the buck stops with me.
My father died recently, his funeral was two days ago, I even had to choose what clothes his body should be dressed in, then there are all the funeral arrangements, all the letters and calls to long distance friends and relatives to field, the music to choose. And also my dad named me as the sole executor. I am absolutely exhausted. Not least because my mum cant remember he's died so I have to tell her the sad news every time all over again, no one else can share that either.....
Anyway, if any of you are in a similar situation, do post here
I have a very supportive other half and three very supportive loving kids in their twenties, plus good friends, so I'm not without a shoulder to cry on or extra hands for helping over the last few years.
However, the buck stops with me. All the responsibility for making decisions in the best interests of my mum and dad ultimately lie on my shoulders, plus no-one else knew my parents when they were young healthy adults or shares my memories of happy or sad times growing up in my family. It's a unique loneliness.
My parents moved away from me just as I was starting my own family, so distance has always been an issue. My mum has vascular dementia following TIAs in her early 70's and my dad has been her carer for many years. He developed signs of psychosis many years ago but hid it well. It was only when I went on unannounced visits that I realised just how far they had declined and how basic care needs were slipping, as their home descended into a hoarded cluttered mess. It's a long story, but luckily I got Lasting Power of Attorneys in place for them in the nick of time, thank goodness.
I've had to get both my parents into respite care, get my father sectioned, move them to different care homes, spend 6 months of all my free time alone driving miles and clearing out and selling their house, uncovered all sorts of unsavoury secrets amongst the clutter, felt angry at times with them and angry at times at the system, and felt many times that it was all too much for one person to bear. But there is no way out, no sibling to take on tasks or battles, the buck stops with me.
My father died recently, his funeral was two days ago, I even had to choose what clothes his body should be dressed in, then there are all the funeral arrangements, all the letters and calls to long distance friends and relatives to field, the music to choose. And also my dad named me as the sole executor. I am absolutely exhausted. Not least because my mum cant remember he's died so I have to tell her the sad news every time all over again, no one else can share that either.....
Anyway, if any of you are in a similar situation, do post here