Coping with nerves and repetitive questions

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by banger696, Feb 15, 2016.

  1. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    How as a carer do people cope with the above. I booked a cut and perm for mum and everyday since on night Iget, when is the girl coming to cut my hair several times anight and the nerves accompanying it. Drives me crazy, how do you cope.

    Tim
     
  2. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    252
    My tip is don't tell them to shortly before it is happening on the same day. It's stops all their anxiety and the continual questions.
     
  3. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,289
    SW London
    I know is sort of thing can drive you bonkers. The only way i found to cope with my FIL asking the same question over and over (I once counted 35 times in one hour) was to make a sort of separate compartment in my head, where I could go on answering nicely, but mechanically. I am not the most patient person in the world, but I did manage it somehow.

    It'll be a bit late now for the hair appointment, but many people find that telling people well in advance about any appointment or event, only gets them in a fuss, or agitated, and endlessly fretting and asking about it, as you have found. So the advice is usually, don't tell them until the day, or maybe the night before - saves aggro all round.
     
  4. katy66

    katy66 Registered User

    Jun 14, 2015
    29
    The Fens
    I have started to return the question when it has been asked more than 6 times. If mum says "where is my family?" I say "well, where do you think they are?" She then has a think about it and suggests all kind of options. Some of them quite daft! So I then choose one and we have a strange but enjoyable conversation about it. As to appointments I don't tell her until we are on the way there. I say shall we go out for a drive? Once we are on the way I break the news as gently as possible, it usually works pretty well. For things like dentist I say WE Have a dentist appointment and I bet your teeth are better than mine. She is quite competitive so is happy to win.
     
  5. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Many thanks for the tips, driving me bonkers.
     
  6. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    The simple answer is don't tell her! It's a recipe for insanity! I don't tell my OH about appointments anymore. We get in the car and when we arrive I "remind " him that we have this appointment. It works for now.

    You are a great son doing your very best. I hope you have support near you.

    Aisling ( Ireland)
     
  7. Mango

    Mango Registered User

    Mar 16, 2014
    43
    New Zealand
    #7 Mango, Feb 15, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2016
    I do this with my Mum, and try to keep a bright and cheery voice and reply as if it was the first time the question was asked. The most difficult times are in the car, when the questions, "Where are we going and what are we doing?" seem to be on auto-repeat. I try in that situation to point out landmarks and witter on about anything else I can think of.

    Appointments etc are tricky. Everything is in Mum's diary, but she rarely looks more than a couple of days ahead. If I mention something that is further into the future, it seems to stick on her mind and we have daily angst (who is taking me, what will I wear, how will I pay etc). If I "spring" things on her (less than a day's notice) then there is the "everything is always changing" lament and related angst. So I ususally try to focus on what is happening over the next couple of days, along with assurances that "everything is organised". And as with most things, it is a judgement call, depending on whether it is a good day or not :)

    All the best, none of this stuff is easy to get right all the time :)
     
  8. mancmum

    mancmum Registered User

    Feb 6, 2012
    390
    we use a notice board for things we want to try and sink in.

    Eg. 8-15 we are all going to Madeira....we wanted him to have some pseudo memory of this . Dating it is crucial. He likes dates. we are ALL going . means he is included.

    Some times he remembered he was going to Madeira, sometimes he thought it was Malta. When we got there he sometimes didn't know he wasn't in England but it was sunny and warm and it was wonderful so worth it. Even if we did stay in a carehome once we got there.

    But we screwed up on the passport. OH had all the passports which meant about 60 asks of 'where is my passport'. With more thought I would have got a little cardboard book with a message in it saying the passport was in OH's pocket.

    We have other messages up there..andone in bedroom for more private stuff like 'You are having prostate monitoring'.

    Things that cause aggro don't go up. These are anything that involve spending money or visits to hospital. visits to hospitals are compensated by having lunch out.
     
  9. Nellybell

    Nellybell Registered User

    Feb 5, 2016
    28
    Like many others I found the easiest way was to not tell my dad until the actual day, normally an hour before we had to leave. If he knew in advance he would be waking me up in the middle of the night saying that we were late! My dad has no idea what time of day or night it is, if you ask him it is always half past 12 - bless him - not that I thought that at 2am in the morning lol
     
  10. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,166
  11. banger696

    banger696 Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    225
    North East
    Thing is she reminded herself then got in a panic about it, she asked me to book it a couple of weeks ago and now is regretting it and wants to cancel which I won't as her hair is a mess and too long to manage.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.