Coping with my dad

[Beth1]

Hi all. This is the first time i have posted a message on this site, so allbeit a bit nervous.

My dad was diagnosed with dementia almost 3 years ago, and has also had several frontal lobe strokes. He had another stroke 4 months ago and is now in a care home and seems to be deteriorating on what seems a weekly basis.

Sometimes he knows who i am, sometimes he doesn't, sometimes he smiles at me and sometimes is abusive, he was never one to swear, but some of the words that now come out of his mouth, I cannot comprehend.

My mother cared full time for him with my help until he was moved to the care home, and not only do i find it difficult to cope with dealing with the fact that my dad sometimes doesn't recognise me and coping with the fact that he has dementia, and the big strong man who looked after me all my life, protected and loved me has gone, but also the fact that I have to deal with my mum's emotions on a daily basis. Today, I could have moved to the other side of the world and run away.

Is this normal?????????

 

[Skye]

Is this normal?????????

Dear Beth, yes, completely normal!

This disease is one long, continuous grieving process for us, who care so much for our loved ones. You won't run away, because your lovely dad is still there, inside, and he needs you now. And your mum needs you to support her too.

Who supports you? We do!

Welcome to TP, we're always here for you, so post whenever you need to.

Love,

 

[elaineo2]

Dear Beth1,At some stage we all want to run away.Run from the torment of this disease,run from yourself,the world and life itself.run as fast as you can and reach TP.get rid of your stress,have rant!then chill!

 

[Margaret W]

Oh, gee, Beth, of course it is normal! It is a situation where you have precious little control but all the stress of what is happening falls on you. It is made even more difficult when you remember your dad as the big strong man who supported you, I can't imagine how awful that must be, I am so glad that my big strong dad never came to this - he died of stomach cancer and described me to another sufferer as "the strong daughter" (I felt like crumpling at the time, but I managed to live up to his description). My mum has always needed looking after in some way or another, so the AD is just an extension of the past, though of course a different ball game now.

When you feel like running away, get on this website and we'll all run away with you, have a break, and then all walk back to deal with the situation, cos it won't go away. Rant and rave at us, let off steam at us, swear at us (we are all gentlefolk so we won't understand the words you are using anyway), just do whatever you need to cope.

We are all here for you.

Margaret

 

[Taffy]

Hello Beth and welcome to TP.

I am sorry to read of your dads deterioration and can well understand your despair. This is a miserable disease that robs everyone involved.

Beth, your not alone in what you are experiencing and you will find lots of support here. I wish you all well. Caring Thoughts Taffy.

 

[Kate P]

Hello Beth and welcome to TP

Of course you're feelings are normal - I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to run away.

However, I hope you'll find as I have, that the best place to run to is here on TP. The support is outstanding and there is always someone with advice to help you out or point you in the right direction.

It is hard as you're dealing with your feelings of grief as you lose the father you've known all your life as well as helping to deal with your mum and her feelings.

Thinking of you at this difficult time.

 

[debby13]

Hi Beth

Welcome I only posted a week or so ago and suffer as you do, my Dad has dementia (currently in respite) and dealing with pain of losing my wonderful Dad and coping with a Mum who is at breaking point has left me exhausted and so tired of it all. I spent all of last week crying, this week I am numb again but its truly truly awful and so sad. It breaks my heart when I think of how much miss him. So in answer to your question its completely normal to feel like this. Just let it out.

Big hugs
xx