Coping with evenings

[SammyBXx]

Hello everyone.

I work for a lady who is about a year into her diagnosis with Alzheimer’s.. I see her 3 times a week and she is l going down hill so quickly that it breaks my heart. She is 84 and her husband is 90 years old. And it has aged him more than I can say during the lockdown period. He is a shell of the man he used to be.

Every evening she says that she wants to go ‘home’ to her parents (who if they were still alive, would now be 130 something). And she wants to leave the door unlocked so that her husband Ross can come home. She is actually saying this to her husband Ross.
The hour before she goes to bed are the worst.
Has anyone else dealt with this. And are there any coping strategies?? I feel that this is far too much for him to handle at his age. And he needs some help.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @SammyBXx and welcome.

This sounds like classic 'sundowning' behaviour. It may help to have a read at the Society Factsheet about this and other behaviours. Just click the 2nd line of the following link
Changes in behaviour (525)
PDF printable version

 

[karaokePete]

By the way, the AS Publications list is worth a check and the following link will take you to that

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

 

[canary]

Every evening she says that she wants to go ‘home’ to her parents (who if they were still alive, would now be 130 something). And she wants to leave the door unlocked so that her husband Ross can come home. She is actually saying this to her husband Ross.

When this happens dont argue with her. Dont say "this is your home/husband here", because she wont believe you and it will just make her worse. You will not be able to bring her back into reality, so you will have to enter hers in order to calm her. When someone has a need, but is unable to understand the truth, you have to bridge the gap by using Therapeutic Untruths aka little white love lies. The idea is to answer her need by telling her something that makes sense to her and reassures her, even if its not actually true.

Instead of trying to convince her of the truth, try saying that its too dark/late/hot/whatever to go tonight, or the car has broken down, or theres bad traffic - so why not stay here for tonight and she can go tomorrow? Then tomorrow, you say exactly the same. If she is worried that the real owners will come back say that you are looking after it for a friend while they are away, but you will go home tomorrow.

Tell her that her husband is working lates this week, but hes got his own keys, so he will be able to let himself in and you dont need to keep the door unlocked. If she really insists on keeping it unlocked then just sneak back downstairs once shes gone to bed.

It is something that comes quite hard to us as we are taught to tell the truth, especially to our elders, but after a while you get quite good at it and dont turn a hair..