conversations (and the lack of)

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by eastiesgir, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. eastiesgir

    eastiesgir Registered User

    Oct 9, 2011
    187
    Mum has been diagnosed for just under a year, but declined quite quickly to the point of needing to go into a care home due to going walk about all the time. I have noticed the past few weeks when we go round that she doesn't have the same level of conversation as she did do. Up until a few weeks ago she would ask the same questions (over and over:D) but she did have her sense of humour etc and you could just chat about different things to her. Now there is a small response (no interest at all) and then she just sits staring into space. Yesterday I took her to the shops for a bit of fresh air, and to get her some of her favourite yoghurt drinks. Normally she is all attentive to what is going on around her, but not yesterday she was just trailing around looking very down. I try to keep conversations going but its hard when its all one way! I tell her things that I'm doing at work or at home, talk about friends etc that she knows but lately there is nothing not even a laugh out of her.
    She complained that my brother never goes to see her, but it was down on her calander that he had been the day before. To be honest I didn't dare ask what was wrong because she tends to go off on one at me. My brothers and cousin who go round haven't said anything to me about it (and I wonder if it's just with me that she behaves like that). Last time my brother got in touch was with a list of complaints that I hadn't done this or that (I was in fact waiting to get back round to mums to drop the not all that essential stuff off:mad:) The fact that he hadn't been for 3 weeks didn't come into it as far as he was concerned.
    Sorry I'm waffling again:rolleyes:
    I just dread going round to see mum and will only go when either my husband or daughter come with me. I feel like crying when I see the shell my mum has become.
     
  2. danny

    danny Registered User

    Hi, sorry to hear about mum.

    People sometimes put every change down to dementia but this is not always the case.
    Has mum had a full medical check recently ?

    Another condition that gets overlooked quite often is depression which again needs a bit of investigation.


    Of course mums decline could be her dementia, but I would check out other things too.

    Best wishes.
     
  3. eastiesgir

    eastiesgir Registered User

    Oct 9, 2011
    187
    I had thought it may be depression, she is bad enough to warrant full time care but does resent being there. I always get the brunt of it off her too, which is why I'm reluctant to try and get her looked at as I get weeks of abuse off her. Selfish and cowardly I know but it's so hard. Others are quick to judge (family, not this site!) but offer no help or support and I feel like I'm the bad one pushing mum into all of this.
     
  4. bunnies

    bunnies Registered User

    May 16, 2010
    432
    This is the way it seems to go - it doesn't necessarily mean your mother is depressed or annoyed about something. My aunt was the same - had been chatting repeatedly about the same things, and then over a fairly short space of time she stopped being able to have a conversation, and at the same her ability (or wish) to express herself was dramatically reduced. I think we have to learn to lower our own expectations. She may be feeling stressed because she isn't able to have a conversation. That doesn't mean she doesn't like people talking to her, or engaging with her in some way. It means we don't have to strive to have 'interesting' conversations, or even say anything that makes sense - to convey a feeling, of happiness, or concern, is perhaps more important, because she will pick up on that.
     
  5. Clementine

    Clementine Registered User

    I agree so much with Bunnies, although our Mum is just like yours, (it could have been me writing the thread), she responds to happy conversation, I tell her all sorts of things, sometimes I even write the script before in my mind of what I am going to tell her.

    You are great to take her out shopping, I don't think I could handle that, I feel confident with her in the confines of the Nursing Home, where I can get help should I need it.
    I have also started going at lunch time, so I can feed her and that gives me somethings to do.
    I am always amazed how relaxed Mum is about her Alzheimer or not able to do things and being fed like a baby, me ordering her around, that is the only good thing about Alzheimer, she does not realize how bad she is. I am also amazed at myself, while I often feel very emotional when I read threads on here, I have got used to Mum not recognizing me and her state of mind and body (when she did not recognize me the first time, just a few months back, I was so upset and cried buckets). It's amazing to what you can get used to!
     
  6. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,592
    Yorkshire
    The solution is to persuade her into a wheelchair if you can. My mum used to sit there quite happily, all tucked in, seeing something different and I could go where I wanted, at my own pace, chatting about (completely one-sided :D)what we could see.

    Beats sitting in the CH trying to have a conversation any day. But do remember the sunscreen :eek:
     
  7. SWMBO1950

    SWMBO1950 Registered User

    Nov 17, 2011
    2,077
    Essex
    Morning Eastiesgir

    Others have given their advice / experience on your mothers lack of speaking so I feel you have some information there.

    My only comment would be next time your brother complains you have not done something just remind him she is his mother too and there is nothing stopping him filling in the gaps and it does not always have to be you !! ;)

    Best wishes


     
  8. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I think this is true, my mum is on something mild to help with this and anxiety, which helped for a while, but now she seems very fed up with her care home. I have her with me at my home for lunch today and her mood is really up and down. As I've an appointment to talk about things generally with the care home (which today she says she hates as it's boring and there is nothing to do) I'll raise this tomorrow too. It's quite an eye opener having her here today as I can see how she has deteriorated mentally since she lived with me. I've given her a letter from an old friend of hers, and she is reading it over and over again, gets to a funny bit and laughs again and says at the end, that's a nice letter....
     
  9. Clementine

    Clementine Registered User

    I would love to try and I think the Nursing home would let me take her out. As she needs to be hoisted now I am afraid what will I do if she slips forward in the Wheel chair. She is not very heavy now, so I think I could push her down the hill to the park and back up again. I think I will have a go, it would be great if she would enjoy it! :)
     
  10. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,036
    Durham
  11. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,592
    Yorkshire
    You'll need to make sure she's well wrapped up - hat, scarf, gloves and sunglasses even on a sunny day!!

    I wasn't kidding about the sunscreen either; last time I took Mum out, it was a mild day in November and I pushed her into town. When I got there (maybe a mile?) I looked at her in a shop mirror and was horrified to see that one side of her face was bright red. The pharmacist in Boots was really understanding and gave me a cream to apply but it just goes to show that skin that doesn't get the sun from one week to the next is very vulnerable.

    Oh, and plan your route to avoid kerbs, cobbles and road cambers. And wheelie bin day.

    But it's well worth it and I'm sorry we're now past that stage.
     
  12. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,036
    Durham
    Oh, and plan your route to avoid kerbs, cobbles and road cambers. And wheelie bin day.

    But it's well worth it and I'm sorry we're now past that stage.[/QUOTE]

    This I agree with, when you think about which way to go it's amazing how you can forget that there are steps or high kerbs , there are also cars parked on paths to get around .
     
  13. eastiesgir

    eastiesgir Registered User

    Oct 9, 2011
    187
    thanks so much for all the help and advice.
    x
     

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