Can anyone help with our situation . My Mum has mixed Dementia . Vascular and Alzheimer's . I also have a brother with Downs Syndrome who has had to go into care . My Mum calls the care home to find out how my brother is . The care home let her know that he is well and he may call her later when he is free . My Mum then forgets this conversation and calls the care home again . This now goes on all day . Sometimes she may call over 20 times . In between these call to the care home she will call me continuously as well asking me to call the care home as well . I have bought her a diary and told her to write down each time she calls the care home but this dose not seem to work . Any ideas from anyone . Thanks
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Continually using the telephone
- Thread starter clgph02
- Start date
Hi clgph02
welcome to TP - there are lots of people here with wide experience - do have a good mooch around as there's lots of info in the threads
someone constantly making phone calls is a regular concern - your situation is a bit trickier as your mum is calling her son's care home, which is understandable but not viable if she does it so often
does she dial the number or is it saved on the keypad - you could delete it, but then she can't call at all, which will worry her
is it possible to arrange with the care home that they call her once a day and agree a certain time which is convenient to both of them - then put up a notice by her phone to remind her when the call will be - will only work if her understanding is strong enough and her anxiety will not override this, so she will call anyway
is it possible for the home to not answer except at an agreed time - probably not something they'd agree to, and not getting an answer may make your mum more frantic
an extreme idea - could you buy a cheap mobile, record an answerphone message that says something like the care home is busy but will take a message or call her back - then leave the mobile turned off so all calls go to answerphone - tell your mum the number has changed and have her call the mobile number instead of the care home - BUT the care home really call her once a day so that she does get a chance to speak to a member of staff and/or her son - again, lots of potential problems with this!
as for her calling you - could you let her go to answerphone, and only call back when you want/need to?
sorry - not very useful suggestions
welcome to TP - there are lots of people here with wide experience - do have a good mooch around as there's lots of info in the threads
someone constantly making phone calls is a regular concern - your situation is a bit trickier as your mum is calling her son's care home, which is understandable but not viable if she does it so often
does she dial the number or is it saved on the keypad - you could delete it, but then she can't call at all, which will worry her
is it possible to arrange with the care home that they call her once a day and agree a certain time which is convenient to both of them - then put up a notice by her phone to remind her when the call will be - will only work if her understanding is strong enough and her anxiety will not override this, so she will call anyway
is it possible for the home to not answer except at an agreed time - probably not something they'd agree to, and not getting an answer may make your mum more frantic
an extreme idea - could you buy a cheap mobile, record an answerphone message that says something like the care home is busy but will take a message or call her back - then leave the mobile turned off so all calls go to answerphone - tell your mum the number has changed and have her call the mobile number instead of the care home - BUT the care home really call her once a day so that she does get a chance to speak to a member of staff and/or her son - again, lots of potential problems with this!
as for her calling you - could you let her go to answerphone, and only call back when you want/need to?
sorry - not very useful suggestions
Is your mum at home on her own all day? I wonder if it would help to try to arrange something to distract her - are there any options about day care? Maybe if she had a cleaner or carer who came in, it would be someone to chat to and maybe try to break the habit? Or perhaps you could take a few days holiday and stay in the house with her, or take her to your house during the day, to see if you can get her out of the cycle.
Other ideas which may or may not help:
Similar to the above - a call to a mobile with a message recorded by your brother or if not possible, by his carer saying he is fine, and will ring later
A call to a mobile that your brother actually has so he can speak to her when she rings (may be completely impractical)
I would agree - don't answer your phone every time - could you cope with a message with a special proviso for your mum saying all of you including your brother are fine?
Similar to the above - a call to a mobile with a message recorded by your brother or if not possible, by his carer saying he is fine, and will ring later
A call to a mobile that your brother actually has so he can speak to her when she rings (may be completely impractical)
I would agree - don't answer your phone every time - could you cope with a message with a special proviso for your mum saying all of you including your brother are fine?