Continence problem is so tedious

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
Just to say that of course it's ok if incontinence is someone's line in the sand, but that you don't know what your line in the sand will be until you get there. You might surprise yourself - I did.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I have read these posts and I am so full of admiration for those who cope with this. I don't think I will be able to. My dad is very clean at the moment but I know this will not always be so and I am dreading it.

I am coping with his dementia now but it is not too bad yet but I don't think I will be able to take my dad to the toilet or help him to shower, it just does not seem right to me and I know he would hate it.

I think that may be my line in the sand and that makes me feel so guilty. I hate this awful disease.

You should not feel guilty and until or if your dad reaches that stage try not to worry about it. We all cope with different things and can only do what we feel we can. Whilst not my favourite task to do dad's personal care and help him toilet my two sisters said straightaway that they would not. For me it was just needs must dad was vulnerable and I just got stuck in however I never imagined and neither would dad if he had mental capacity at that stage that I would have to take charge of that very personal aspect of care. You are giving your dad wonderful care don't lose sight of that
 

Little A

Registered User
Jan 2, 2018
10
0
I really feel for you. It is draining and hard work especially if you are on your own. Try to bear in mind he really does not know what's going on. When dad was losing the ability to go to the toilet on his own we would find wee all over the house so we had to stick to him like glue and keep a bottle handy. We then got into a groove and we could nearly time his daily movements. The tena slip pads were great and doggy training pads too. Mum and I made the mental switch to accepting we couldn't control it so we used to joke that we were the pee and poo experts. You honestly do think people wouldn't believe you unless they saw what you had to do. What you are doing is brilliant and that will stay with you further down the line to know you did your best. If you're close to drawing a line, then that's absolutely fine because you are still brilliant.
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
853
0
Kent
Hi Reds

I totally sympathise, as I find the incontinence issue totally dominates our lives and dictates what we can or can't do.

Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky that my wife is a happy soul, doesn't have any major anger or paranoia issues (not yet, anyway). She does have quite severe speech and cognitive difficulties, so it's difficult to judge when she needs the loo.

Prior to getting help from the district nurse incontinence team, I had progressed from various panty liner type products to pull up pants. At that time, we were up to between 3 and 6 sets a day! We were then supplied with enough for 4 pull-ups a day and the team suggested trying "preemptive toileting".

So the pull-ups mainly cope with the overnight "deluge", with only the occasional leakage, thankfully dealt with by the kylie-type bed pad. Depending on the days activities, I then keep prompting trips to the toilet. Sometimes, she will sit there forever (its as if the "go" switch is missing), getting up frequently and I manage to get her to try again. On good days, she will often go straightaway. This means that we can sometimes go with one change all day, but up to 4 on days where, despite my best efforts, she manages to "go" not long after the clean pull-ups have gone on!!

I can find myself getting very frustrated, especially as I suffer from back problems and the constant bending down to help her doesn't do me any good. I also get anxious when we are out and about, especially when we go down to our local pub over the weekend (I have tried to keep our social life going, as I think it is important for her and helps keep me sane).

Sorry to ramble on:rolleyes:.

Best wishes.
Phil
 

crazyone

Registered User
Dec 14, 2017
53
0
I have read these posts and I am so full of admiration for those who cope with this. I don't think I will be able to. My dad is very clean at the moment but I know this will not always be so and I am dreading it.

I am coping with his dementia now but it is not too bad yet but I don't think I will be able to take my dad to the toilet or help him to shower, it just does not seem right to me and I know he would hate it.

I think that may be my line in the sand and that makes me feel so guilty. I hate this awful disease.
It's surprising what you do when you have to. I have always been the first to gag at poo, sick, snot etc, but now do it even though I often vomit. I do any personal care dad needs. At first I bathed him, but now he can't get upstairs I wash him all over, wipe his bum, and put cream round his bits. You will surprise yourself. x
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
633
0
Hertfordshire
Hi all

Thank you very much for replies, so supportive. Feel for all of you as carers. I am always hoping for the good moments when my husband manages to be dry. The situation is emotionally tiring for me. Think its awful for him, the man he was would have hated the thought! He doesn't get too stressed about it but I don't know if he can't communicate that or doesn't want to.

Reds