Hi Reds
I totally sympathise, as I find the incontinence issue totally dominates our lives and dictates what we can or can't do.
Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky that my wife is a happy soul, doesn't have any major anger or paranoia issues (not yet, anyway). She does have quite severe speech and cognitive difficulties, so it's difficult to judge when she needs the loo.
Prior to getting help from the district nurse incontinence team, I had progressed from various panty liner type products to pull up pants. At that time, we were up to between 3 and 6 sets a day! We were then supplied with enough for 4 pull-ups a day and the team suggested trying "preemptive toileting".
So the pull-ups mainly cope with the overnight "deluge", with only the occasional leakage, thankfully dealt with by the kylie-type bed pad. Depending on the days activities, I then keep prompting trips to the toilet. Sometimes, she will sit there forever (its as if the "go" switch is missing), getting up frequently and I manage to get her to try again. On good days, she will often go straightaway. This means that we can sometimes go with one change all day, but up to 4 on days where, despite my best efforts, she manages to "go" not long after the clean pull-ups have gone on!!
I can find myself getting very frustrated, especially as I suffer from back problems and the constant bending down to help her doesn't do me any good. I also get anxious when we are out and about, especially when we go down to our local pub over the weekend (I have tried to keep our social life going, as I think it is important for her and helps keep me sane).
Sorry to ramble on
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Best wishes.
Phil