Constantly accessing porn

[TrulyScrumptious]

My recently diagnosed husband of 75 is constantly looking at adult porn on his phone
i have read other threads and can see it can be a form of disinhibition stage
He says he understands how hurtful it is to me but doesn’t stop despite saying he will. My only strategy is to take his phone away but this is difficult if I need to contact him. I have read about parental controls and will attempt to put them on but the bigger problem is how to address this and does he need professional help
He has been impotent since 2008 so sex has for this long been an anxious and distressing subject. He says he still hopes he could get an erection and this is why he looks at the porn but I think it has gone beyond this and become an obsession whereby he chooses to hurt me rather than go without
Has anyone any words of wisdom.?.

 

[Long journey ahead]

My recently diagnosed husband of 75 is constantly looking at adult porn on his phone
i have read other threads and can see it can be a form of disinhibition stage
He says he understands how hurtful it is to me but doesn’t stop despite saying he will. My only strategy is to take his phone away but this is difficult if I need to contact him. I have read about parental controls and will attempt to put them on but the bigger problem is how to address this and does he need professional help
He has been impotent since 2008 so sex has for this long been an anxious and distressing subject. He says he still hopes he could get an erection and this is why he looks at the porn but I think it has gone beyond this and become an obsession whereby he chooses to hurt me rather than go without
Has anyone any words of wisdom.?.

My OH does this too.
Similar to yourself we haven't been intimate for years because he couldnt.
I turn a blind eye to it at home.
But I think he doesn't have the same boundaries that he should.
Example being. He had to go for an x-ray today on his back. The nurse told him he needed to remove his jeans and out on a gown. He said he would undress in front of other patients . She told him to go in a changing room. He didn't understand why. I had to have a quiet word with him and explain that other patients may not like it, possibly complain.
He uses inappropriate language in front of strangers.
I dread taking him to appointments and always feel relieved when we get home.
I remind myself that it isn't normal for my oh to behave this way. It's his lack of understanding boundaries now.

 

[knapdale]

Similar problem here, leading to diagnosis of FTD and vascular dementia. Not only porn but then open to financial scams. 2 years later he is still getting emails from porn contacts. I manage to delete these before he sees them. Yes, infringement of his liberty but proportional

If your husband uses an iPhone, you can use ScreenTime to limit what he can see via Internet. I have used it to bar all social media and limit viewing to specific internet sites. When I explained that it was to keep him safe, he agreed and now manages happily withe the sites he can access. I should say that I add any additional sites he wants once I have checked them

He would still like to access porn but he manages without now

I hope this might help. I know how upsetting disinhibition can be

 

[canary]

I had exactly this problem with my OH too @TrulyScrumptious and for exactly the same reason.

The way I solved it was to turn on the parental controls on the broadband (so I didnt have to access his device). I went into our on-line account and first changed the email address to mine and then changed the account password. Then I found the parental controls and switched them on so that he could not access adult material, could not buy prescription drugs (he had previously persuaded the GP to give him viagra - and not for us to use...) and also gambling sites for good measure.

When he complained that he couldnt get onto sites I feigned innocence and said it must be due to an upgrade. He didnt know what to do and I didnt help him in the slightest. After a while he forgot about it all and the phase passed.

 

[Beatrice23]

My husband was diagnosed with mixed dementia 4 years ago. He was accessing porn on his iPad. I found it very distressing. Sitting in the same room knowing what he was watching was uncomfortable. He couldn’t understand why I was upset. I eventually just took his iPad away. He has only once asked for his iPad. I just said it had a problem and wasn’t usable. He accepted the explanation. His behaviour with his carers to me is unacceptable. I know it’s the disease, he would never have behaved in this way. He has lost his empathy, he has no idea his behaviour is unacceptable. It doesn’t make it any easier for me to accept, I try but it isn’t easy. I’m shocked at his behaviour and his very lewd comments. The wonderful care company send the experienced, ie older, members of staff. They are truly wonderful. Yes, we have to accept it’s the disease but it still is distressing. Most people are understanding.

 

[TrulyScrumptious]

Thank you for all your responses which I found useful and comforting because I know I’m not alone. It’s another by product of easy access as porn is so available.
As my OH still functions well at other things it is hard when he does things out of character to explain to others but he has no filters when it comes to showing disdain or disapproval at something I do and will sound off in front of anyone,friends,in shop queues or elsewhere. I get so uncomfortable and embarrassed I don’t want to go out with him as I am on edge all the time. He has also Had faecal accidents in 2 restaurant toilets by going too late and I have wanted to die

 

[Bunpoots]

My dad went through a similar phase of very inappropriate behaviour with his carer and his granddaughter shortly after he was diagnosed @TrulyScrumptious .
We eventually realised the start of the behaviour coincided with him having an increase in Donepezil from 5mg to 10mg. Fortunately reducing the dose back to 5mg solved the problem.