Yep, with you on this , but it’s soul destroying ?I anticipate. He used to put the bins out (mostly) but f I simply asked if the they had been put out, he would retaliate. It was I was just about to do it, stop picking on me, you’re always criticising me.
So now I quietly put the bins out and don’t mention it. Have done that for years. He dribbles tea over the cupboard doors, the floor, leaves his plate on the dining table and I just pick them up and put them in the dishwasher, clean up after him.
It takes two to argue so even though everything is quiet and peaceful now, I don’t do anything that might trigger a reverse of his current state of mind. It really doesn’t matter, those silly little things so I just do anything so I don’t run the risk of upsetting the apple cart.
It doesn’t matter who is right, just what happens if you insist on pursuing something that isn’t that important.
Thank you. My dad always used to say ”Don’t pick a fight you can’t win” but it took me a lifetime to realise what he meant.I think your post should be flown from the rooftops @lawson.
Just remember dear that it is not your husband doing that and denying it. It is dementia and unfortunately is going to get worse. Sorry to say that but I am going to repeat what others said. Take it easy and never argue.My husband has Patkinson's and has was told he has dementia 6 weeks ago. He is going down hill fast and denies he has either taken the bins out on the wrong day or left something out on
the counter that belongs in the fridge or something else odd. He then says he didn't do it and that I did it. After a while I get furious (he keeps saying "so you say"). I shouldn't get angry but he doesn't believe anything is really wrong with himself. What should I do?
My husband is exactly the same. It gets me so frustrated. I know he can't help it. He says it's always my fault. We sometimes end up shouting at each other, then I feel bad xMy husband has Patkinson's and has was told he has dementia 6 weeks ago. He is going down hill fast and denies he has either taken the bins out on the wrong day or left something out on
the counter that belongs in the fridge or something else odd. He then says he didn't do it and that I did it. After a while I get furious (he keeps saying "so you say"). I shouldn't get angry but he doesn't believe anything is really wrong with himself. What should I do?
When my was husband was being particularly paranoid, I absolutely walked away, out of the house if I had to. I learned to tune out and a lot of the time my response was a very noncommittal OK. You can ignore it because you have to. I don’t know how independent your OH is but when things got bad, I would go out, go shopping, have lunch with my daughter and would go home only when I knew OH would be playing bridge and would leave me alone.@The Book Lady - It is a constant challenge that I am losing. Because OH has no short term memory he accuses me over and over again of the same thing ..... it is impossible to ignore, he won't let me agree, he won't let me walk away, he won't let me stay silent, I try to go into my bedroom and he tells me I'm childish, accuses me of criticising him even when I am just answering his questions. There is no escape and no obvious solution. He was used to being in control, he did what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. He resents his limitations and I am the butt of his frustration. I just think some PWD are harder to deal with than others and this can be routed in how they were before the disease took hold.
The perishing beer ran out. There was just two measly little 400ml cheapo low alc cans. Pah! And here we are on a 'conflict' thread. Pompey/Southampton har har. Oh my goodness. No conflict where the heart matters are.
Hi,The perishing beer ran out. There was just two measly little 400ml cheapo low alc cans. Pah! And here we are on a 'conflict' thread. Pompey/Southampton har har. Oh my goodness. No conflict where the heart matters are.
yes im in southampton and ive been thinking about it. would like to do it but worry the time involved
i do live in southampton, just worried about how much is involvedHi,
I work for Alzheimer's Society in the Southampton, Winchester, Basingstoke and Hampshire areas. I’m writing to people who live in these areas who might be interested in helping to improve professional dementia health-care in the future. If you are, please do get in touch with me.
Time for Dementia is an educational and research programme that gives the consultants, doctors and nurses of the future a real, first-hand understanding of what living with dementia is like. No one else can give them this understanding, but you can. You can find out more on the ‘Time for Dementia’ web-page. It’s just a chat, a cuppa and maybe cake!
If you feel you could help, do please get in touch with me. If this programme isn't appropriate for your family, please ignore.
Thankyou.
Duncan Salkeld
Service User Involvement Officer - Hampshire
Alzheimer's Society
ok i have put a post on his message.It might be worth enquiring to see what is involved? If it’s too much you can always say “no thanks”