Constant Complaining/Is this a Feature of Dementia?

[JackieJames]

In a weird sort of way it's so good to be reading these posts! My mum is exactly the same, and sometimes it's so difficult to follow the conversation I begin to think I'm the one who is more confused!

I try to write everything on her calender, but now she forgets to look at it before ringing me to find out why I haven't turned up (on the wrong day!). I'd written that I would go last Sat afternoon to do some gardening for her and called her after lunch to say I'd be there shortly, this is the jist of the conversation.....

Me : Hi Mum!
Mum : Have you had an accident?
Me : No, why?
Mum : Well are you seriously ill then?
Me : No, why what's wrong?
Mum : Well you haven't rang me to tell me you're coming!
Me : Oh sorry, I've been out and about this morning, it's on your calender, I'll be there in 15 mins to do your garden.
Mum : I'd have thought that if you had a sore throat and can't speak you'd have got someone to ring me?
Me : I haven't got a sore throat, I'm fine.
Mum : Well I don't know that do I? I've been sitting here worried to death.
Me : Well why don't you ring me instead of worrying? I don't know that you're worrying!
Mum : Because if you've got a sore throat you probably won't answer!

AARRGGGHHHHH!!! Keep smiling!

GillU: Sounds quite familiar. You know I have a family in denial and my brother with POA sends us these emails "Remind Mom to take her water pill". Anyway, I am happy to see that my post is helping another person besides me. I think the smiles are ones of relief, not happiness. And some way of maintaining our sanity that what we are seeing (it being so foreign and all) is really what we are seeing/hearing. Yes, well the calendars don't work, because you have to remember to use them and the reminding does not work because they will forget.... And I learn.

 

[JackieJames]

Please keep posting. You are helping so many people with your posts & experiences.

I remember when I joined earlier this year feeling so relieved that everyone here understands.

My dad has vascular dementia & has falls. Vas Dem can affect sight & how they see things. Dad can't judge speed & distance any more do isn't safe to cross a road alone.

Cat, exactly! Relief at being understood. I am sorry about your Dad and the sight being affected.

 

[Cat27]

Cat, exactly! Relief at being understood. I am sorry about your Dad and the sight being affected.

Thankyou.
It's a very weird, multi faceted illness.

 

[JackieJames]

My mum complains constantly about the pain in her knees!. In her sleep she shouts that shes having a heart attack or she cant stop shaking on and on and on!! When we go into her shes fast asleep and doesnt know shes been shouting! Drives me mad lol. All i do now is sympathize and then change the subject. Hope that helps?

Chelsea girl: So, so sorry. Yes, it does help. You all help. One day, I hope to find the strength to 'pay it forward'. thank you.

 

[JackieJames]

By the end of her life, I'd say my Mum was giving the impression of being 98% "normal". You could have perfectly sane conversations with her and then she'd come in with " When I was at the shops this morning I....." whilst lying in her bed, wearing pj tops and very little else, not being capable of standing or walking......

....and yes, I too, uttered those magic words...


" Is it just me????"

Craigmaid: 98% normal at the end? This is totally baffling

 

[Mrsbusy]

My dad who is in denial about him having dementia, and my Mum who has vascular dementia, asked me this morning, if my mum had to split her tablets into before food and after food, to which I told him no it didn't matter.

He has been giving her these tablets for two and a half years, wonder why he asks me now! But late after that time.

 

[JackieJames]

Falls can be connected to vascular dementia. (I don't know about Alzheimer's.)
Have a look at this:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/vascular-dementia/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

In my father's case the symptoms didn't present in nice clear-cut stages. They rarely do. He was falling over years before the diagnosis and then when he only had minor cognitive impairments as measured on the shortened memory test - (but much more major when it came to dealing with him!) The doctors were honest enough to say they could not be sure but they suspected the falls were caused by multiple reasons, including the dementia.

You mention heart failure, which may again suggest vascular cognitive impairment - info cut and pasted below:

Risk factors for VaD include:[1]

History of stroke or transient ischaemic attack (TIA).
Atrial fibrillation.
Hypertension.
Diabetes mellitus.
Hyperlipidaemia.
Smoking.
Obesity.
Coronary heart disease.
Family history of stroke or cardiovascular disease

--NB I am not attempting to diagnose your mum BUT with a modicum of information you'll know the right questions to ask a doctor. In my experience, if you ask informed questions you get much more information out of them.

And ask away in here. There's no limit on posts and don't worry about it. It's natural you want answers and help.

Lou: Thank you for the link and for taking the time to paste information here. I have long suspected VD as she has congestive heart failure. The falls began eight years ago. She has A-Fib, Hypertension, was overweight, no diabetes, but does have hypoglycemia which is worrying because she gets attacks frequently as she gets no hunger signal. She had a mild stroke several months ago, and I just now am realizing that she got much worse since then. Why oh Why with all of these hospitalizations, this condition, the fact that she as hospitalized 3 times for not taking her Lasik, the fact that while in hospital, they had to put a ringer on her bed so that she would not attempt to get out of said bed ... does no one see what I see? Why does my brother with his POA not hear what I am telling him. I wrote a letter bringing some salient things to his attention such as: no hunger pangs, being medicine and medically uncompliant when she had always been to a fault and other things ... I told him all of this in an email where I did not blame him or tell him what to do. I just suggested that it MAY be indicative of MCI or possible early dementia. That she might get a neurological workup. No response. This is not for anyone to answer. I am venting again, I am afraid. It is going to take a really bad event to make them see and this scares me every single day. So sorry for ranting here. God help us all.

 

[canary]

Please keep posting. You are helping so many people with your posts & experiences.

I remember when I joined earlier this year feeling so relieved that everyone here understands.

My dad has vascular dementia & has falls. Vas Dem can affect sight & how they see things. Dad can't judge speed & distance any more do isn't safe to cross a road alone.

I agree with cat - ask away

BTW Alzheimers affects sight the same way, mum (with Alzheimers) is like this too - just thought Id mention it.

 

[GillU]

GillU: Sounds quite familiar. You know I have a family in denial and my brother with POA sends us these emails "Remind Mom to take her water pill". Anyway, I am happy to see that my post is helping another person besides me. I think the smiles are ones of relief, not happiness. And some way of maintaining our sanity that what we are seeing (it being so foreign and all) is really what we are seeing/hearing. Yes, well the calendars don't work, because you have to remember to use them and the reminding does not work because they will forget.... And I learn.

Yes, I'm learning too! And it's a very steep curve! It's such a shame about your family leaving it all to you. I have other family perfectly willing to help but Mum has fallen out with them all and won't let them. So the smiles really are there because, if I don't smile, I'll cry!!! Keep posting!

 

[cragmaid]

Craigmaid: 98% normal at the end? This is totally baffling

....Baffling no....dementia yes!!!!!

I did say she gave the impression!!