Considering respite in a care home

[Starting on a journey]

Mum is 92, three years post diagnosis and going downhill gracefully!
I had 5 days off last year and missed my children/grandchild go off on a family holiday. That hurt me more than I can say!
I have spoken to a local care home where a relative was looked after and the offer bookable respite care. The first booking is for two weeks but after that one week can be booked.
Ok it’s pricy but mum can afford it. I have read people’s bad experiences with respite but I am sure that there are some good times and I know the care given to my relative was good.
Just need to convince myself and then make those bookings!!

 

[SweetPepper]

Oh my goodness, book her in! It’s your life too! My mum was in for ten days recently, she loved not lifting a finger and having meals served in her room.

 

[Pork Pie lady]

If you know the care your relative had was good that is the best recommendation. You might find a bit of reassurance from looking at reviews other people have put on the homes website. I suspect that even though you know it makes sense to do this you feel like you are letting her down in some way - most of do at least at first. If you don't take time out to look after yourself you will get to the point of not being able to provide any care and may end up needing looking after.

 

[canary]

My OH had 2 weeks respite recently and had a whale of a time.
I ordered a daily newspaper for him and he loved sitting in the courtyard reading and got brown as a berry. When I picked him up to come home the manager asked him if he would like to come back sometime he nodded with a big grin on his face.

Now he is home, of course, he telling the carers that it was OK, but there some things that he didnt like and Im thinking - oh, you wotsit, you loved it ?

Book her in
xx

 

[Starting on a journey]

Thanks to everyone, I know it’s the right thing to do. It’s no good trying to care when you can barely care for yourself.
Having a conference with my children next week and we will do it. It might not be for two months but if you know a holiday/rest is coming you can tolerate more?
Mums dementia is starting to deteriorate, she gets annoyed at small things, wants things done immediately, needs constant emotional support and the result is that I am drained.
I think so many focus on practical support eg washing, tolieting etc when to me it’s the emotional side which leaves me drained. I do get time off when she is napping and regularly slip to my daughters for tea but there is nothing like an appreciable period of time to relax, recharge and not jump when I hear her voice!

 

[canary]

Another advantage of respite is that she will get used to the people in the care home if she goes there quite often. They will seem familiar, even if she cant quite remember them and she will retain the emotional feeling of familiarity. Then when she needs permanent residential care she will be half-way there.

 

[Starting on a journey]

@canary , that is exactly what the care home manager said…they don’t remember being there but remember being safe which is another reason why the first visit has to be two weeks as it gives them time to settle and create this “safe” feeling.
They worked wonders with my relative so I feel better for mum to him there even though the other side of town. I also like the idea that if she were taken ill and hospitalised and then moved to a care home they would do their best to accommodate her .It is a big home, very clean with lovely staff