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Confusion

blackmortimer

Registered User
Jan 2, 2021
99
0
I really appreciate your obvious wish to be helpful - many thanks!
I have at various points been advised to go for PA (Health) but when my wife was more rational, it would have been a very hard sell for many reasons. Now that her mental faculties have really deteriorated, she is not capable of agreeing to this, even though she trusts me!
Maybe I'm being naive but I can't imagine coming into serious disagreement with nhs/social services about my wife's treatment.
You're not being naive, @Francisco, not at all. You know best because you're living with it. I know only too well that trying to deal with anything of a legal/official nature when your loved one has dementia can be simply a bridge too far. Best, if you can, to go with the flow and avoid conflict. If it's any consolation I've gone through the whole nine yards of diagnosis, memory clinic, hospital and now nursing home without a cross word.

Sorry again for being a bit forward - really very unBritish! I shall go and give myself a taiking to.

God bless
 

Francisco

Registered User
Jul 26, 2020
36
0
You're not being naive, @Francisco, not at all. You know best because you're living with it. I know only too well that trying to deal with anything of a legal/official nature when your loved one has dementia can be simply a bridge too far. Best, if you can, to go with the flow and avoid conflict. If it's any consolation I've gone through the whole nine yards of diagnosis, memory clinic, hospital and now nursing home without a cross word.

Sorry again for being a bit forward - really very unBritish! I shall go and give myself a taiking to.

God bless
To go through all that without a cross word is impressive! Well done to both of you!
 

Adoralan

Registered User
Mar 2, 2021
50
0
Hi @Francisco,

My family don't yet have a diagnosis for my mum for the same reason you have given. We do have power of attorney for health and finances. So far the lack of formal diagnosis hasn't been an obstacle, even though mum has just spent a long time in hospital with severe Covid. The medical staff have very quickly accepted that she does have dementia just from talking to her.

In your original post you quoted your wife as saying "I think my brain's going". Perhaps if she said something like this again you could take that as an opening for discussion if you wanted to, along the lines of "Are you worried about being confused? Would you like to talk about that?" . If you aren't concerned about getting a diagnosis you are in a position to let her take the lead in initiating any discussions about her condition. I think that even someone deep in denial is aware of what is happening to them and are frightened by it, so the opportunity to talk about it, just to you at first, might be welcome at some point. Of course, you know your wife better than anyone, so are the best person to decide whether or not any approach is suitable.

Very best wishes
 

Francisco

Registered User
Jul 26, 2020
36
0
Many thanks Adoralan. We've been together for almost half a century, so I'm playing it 'to the best of my knowledge' about my wife. She's a natural worrier and this now shows through extreme concerns about security, intruders stealing things and so on. At present this can be managed through calm reassurance and upbeat interactions.
I could be wrong but I fear that taking the opportunity to open up a discussion when she says, "I think my brain's going" would only alarm her and increase her long-standing distrust of doctors, and perhaps lead to her distrusting me. She would see it as the thin end of the wedge culminating in being placed in a dreaded care home.
Some have said there may be other treatable conditions but her behaviour strongly indicates dementia.
Some have said that medication could help but others have stressed that the impact is modest with this progressive disease - and my wife is hostile to medication, even aspirin.
What I can and must do is keep talking to the GP and become knowledgeable about what the options are as the illness progresses - there will obviously come a point when more expert help is needed.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,494
0
@Francisco I had POA for dad, both financial and health and welfare but I never used either even though I kept dad at home until he died. I took them out just in case because I was the only one looking after dad and I thought a care home may be a necessary option at some time in the future and I would need POA to pay any fees, but in truth that was never really likely because dad was such a sweet and good natured person throughout his dementia apart from the hospital stay but that is another story and we got over that eventually.

Yes, keep talking to the GP especially if you have a good one. Dads GP was wonderful and so kind and I was so thankful for that.