• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Confusion

Francisco

Registered User
Jul 26, 2020
22
0
It's 4.30 in the morning. We're in bed, I’m dozing and she suddenly says, “Who are you?”

I explain who I am. “Do you live here?” she asks. “Yes, we’ve lived here for many years”. “Where are we?” I explain where we are, describe the house, the location, the way we made the garden which she loves. “Is anyone else here?” “No, just us two, it's our house, we own it, and only we two live here”.

“I’m a bit confused, I think my brain’s going”. “No it’s not, you've always been a bit absent-minded....I think you’ve been dreaming and the dreams have got a bit mixed up with reality”. (She is reassured, this explanation makes some kind of sense to her).“Have I been married to anyone else?” “No, just me!, you are the love of my life” (an expression I know she likes). I follow up by quoting poetry I’ve written to her – “You are my ever-unfolding dream that comes true every day, what a joy!” And “I love you Always and All Ways!” This strikes a chord, she begins to relax and relocate her bearings. All is relatively well and we manage to get back to sleep for a couple of hours.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,640
0
Kent
Well done @Francisco. You deserve a big pat on the back.

I experienced this scenario many times and found it very difficult indeed to distract.
 

Francisco

Registered User
Jul 26, 2020
22
0
Well done @Francisco. You deserve a big pat on the back.

I experienced this scenario many times and found it very difficult indeed to distract.
The idea of a "pat on the back" is welcome, thanks very much!
A bit of background: my wife has had undiagnosed steadily progressing dementia for several years and is in complete denial, gives the GP a wide berth and claims to be 'full of cold, with a mild headache'. Since September, she spends much of the day in bed, never gets out of her dressing gown and has not washed her hair. She looks well and fit - we were skiing every year up to 2018. She is being well looked after and is quite happy with this arrangement - what she requires is for me to look after her and reassure her that her brain isn't "going", and not to see a doctor who she fears might tell her something she doesn't want to know. Given her personality, being confronted with medical realities would be devastating for her and would probably accelerate decline.... As things stand, I find it tough but manageable.
The current issue is connected with the covid vaccine: I took the call for her appointment next weekend and took the opportunity to brief the GP - having not seen my wife for years, she suggested a visit to see her tomorrow. I agreed to this but my wife has not reacted well, insisting that she is just full of cold - I'm sure she is apprehensive because of her private concern at what the doctor might say. On the one hand, seeing a doctor would put them in the picture and perhaps help me to help her. On the other hand, it could be destabilising, exacerbating problems rather than helping - I wonder if it should be a case of letting sleeping dogs lie...?
 

DreamsAreReal

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
58
0
It’s tricky isn’t it? You know your wife best. There may come a time when you and your Wife need outside help - whether that’s now or some time in the future only you can decide. Is your GP one of the helpful ones? If she’s very tactful she might not need to say anything scary to your wife. Whatever happens I wish you the best of luck!
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,486
0
I hope the visit to the doctor's goes well @Francisco. It sounds like it would be a good idea for the GP to be aware. What I did when I was in a similar situation with my mother was piggy back an appointment mum already had and slip the GP a note explaining my concerns. That way you don't have to explain anything in front of your wife. Hopefully the GP will be tactful and any preliminary testing will not be obvious.
 
Last edited:

Francisco

Registered User
Jul 26, 2020
22
0
It’s tricky isn’t it? You know your wife best. There may come a time when you and your Wife need outside help - whether that’s now or some time in the future only you can decide. Is your GP one of the helpful ones? If she’s very tactful she might not need to say anything scary to your wife. Whatever happens I wish you the best of luck!
It is tricky! The GP has been briefed, so I'm hopeful she'll be one of the helpful ones.... Many thanks
 

Francisco

Registered User
Jul 26, 2020
22
0
I hope the visit to the doctor's goes well @Francisco. It sounds like it would be a good idea for the GP to be aware. What I did when I was in a similar situation with my mother was piggy back an appointment mum already had and slip the GP a note explaining my concerns. That why you don't have to explain anything in front of your wife. Hopefully the GP will be tactful and any preliminary testing will not be obvious.
Thanks Sarasa - I'm counting on a tactful GP!
 

Chris M.

Registered User
Jan 14, 2021
21
0
It's 4.30 in the morning. We're in bed, I’m dozing and she suddenly says, “Who are you?”

I explain who I am. “Do you live here?” she asks. “Yes, we’ve lived here for many years”. “Where are we?” I explain where we are, describe the house, the location, the way we made the garden which she loves. “Is anyone else here?” “No, just us two, it's our house, we own it, and only we two live here”.

“I’m a bit confused, I think my brain’s going”. “No it’s not, you've always been a bit absent-minded....I think you’ve been dreaming and the dreams have got a bit mixed up with reality”. (She is reassured, this explanation makes some kind of sense to her).“Have I been married to anyone else?” “No, just me!, you are the love of my life” (an expression I know she likes). I follow up by quoting poetry I’ve written to her – “You are my ever-unfolding dream that comes true every day, what a joy!” And “I love you Always and All Ways!” This strikes a chord, she begins to relax and relocate her bearings. All is relatively well and we manage to get back to sleep for a couple of hours.
Recognise it all so vividly from my beloved wife who is right at the beginning but luckily as yet, I get it in the day and not the night so far.
I think your response is marvellous by the way
 

Francisco

Registered User
Jul 26, 2020
22
0
Recognise it all so vividly from my beloved wife who is right at the beginning but luckily as yet, I get it in the day and not the night so far.
I think your response is marvellous by the way
Thank you Chris M. I suspect your beloved wife is in good hands....