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Confusion and Fear over end of life care

Dog5Body4U

Registered User
Jul 10, 2016
63
Rochdale Lancashire
Sorry I haven't been on for a while but you all know how it goes life gets in the way

We have just had a dreadful call from the local hospital my wifes mother is in again from a bad fall (she had been having a few falls of late in fact the care home were in the process of trying to figure out if they happened around a specific time) but this time the hospital have scanned her head and found thet she has a bleed because she is so far along with the dementia and alzheimers that they don't really want to do further scans as she will just be too upset and they have told us that this might cause her to decline even faster so we are now waiting to get another call from the hospital
I know my wife is panicing about the aftermath of her mothers passing (whenever god decides it's her time) none of the family have anything to do with my wife and she worries that no one ever will afterwards nevermind the problems of sorting out the funeral arrangements her mother has 3 life insurance policies but my wife worries how she will sort everything as her sister has all of the policy paperwork and my wife wonders if this will cause even more problems with the family
I am sorry to keep going on but I don't like my wife being in so much pain she is very family orinentated and is trying desperately to put a good face on the fact that she has no contact with her sister, nieces and nephews and their children but everytime one of them is mentioned she tends to end up crying and it doesn't help that some of the family have even gone so far as to send nasty texts so my wife is really worried that she will never be able to speak to them again

now I have vented the only questions I would like to ask are how are we supposed to go on from here now the hospital are talking about palliative care and I am wondering if we will be allowed access to my wifes mother before she passes either in the hospital or the nursing home if the hospital decide to send her back ??
I wonder if anyone has had a similar experience during this coronavirus epidemic and if there are I would like to express my sorrow at their loss
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,271
Sorry to hear about your wife's mum and the family problems @Dog5Body4U it must be a really stressful time for all of you. A situation like this can bring families closer together so hopefully that will be the case with your wife and her sister. With regards to hospital visits, the restrictions were relaxed on 5th June and families are now able to visit, with hospital trusts setting their own guidelines with regards to how many visitors are allowed etc. When the hospital calls later they will be able to let you know what the position is with regards to compassionate visits. With regards care home visits, the government guidance is to allow these on compassionate grounds if someone is at end of life, plus there are due to be changes announced very soon with regards to allowing visits inside care homes. My mum's nursing home have been allowing compassionate visits since lockdown - a friend's family were able to spend 2 days/nights with her dad before he passed away - but the position does seem to vary so the care home manager will be able to let you know the situation at your wife's mum's home.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,044
West Hertfordshire
Do bear in mind that 'end of life care' doesnt mean that someone will nessesarily pass away in the next day or two ( although it could) . End of life can be weeks/Months.

Please try and not panic, although its hard.
 

Dog5Body4U

Registered User
Jul 10, 2016
63
Rochdale Lancashire
Sorry to hear about your wife's mum and the family problems @Dog5Body4U it must be a really stressful time for all of you. A situation like this can bring families closer together so hopefully that will be the case with your wife and her sister. With regards to hospital visits, the restrictions were relaxed on 5th June and families are now able to visit, with hospital trusts setting their own guidelines with regards to how many visitors are allowed etc. When the hospital calls later they will be able to let you know what the position is with regards to compassionate visits. With regards care home visits, the government guidance is to allow these on compassionate grounds if someone is at end of life, plus there are due to be changes announced very soon with regards to allowing visits inside care homes. My mum's nursing home have been allowing compassionate visits since lockdown - a friend's family were able to spend 2 days/nights with her dad before he passed away - but the position does seem to vary so the care home manager will be able to let you know the situation at your wife's mum's home.
Thank you vry much
 

Dog5Body4U

Registered User
Jul 10, 2016
63
Rochdale Lancashire
I have an update on my mother in law she is comfortable and the hospital are sending her back to the nursing home as there is another infection in the hospital and they don't want her getting that too !
I will try and sort out with the nursing home about visiting as she is bed bound at the moment my wife is pretty much in total panic mode and is sure that her mother is going to die any day now so I am going to be as forceful as possible about us being allowed to go visit just to either confirm or dismiss my wifes concerns
once again I would like to say thanks for the support from Louise7 and Jessbow and from the people who keep this whole thing going I don't know what I would do without it
and last but not least I would like to give a great big thanks to all the nursing / care homes and hospitals staff for being there when we can't looking after our loved ones regardless of the danger to themselves and their own families
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,330
69
Dundee
I’m glad to hear that your mother in law is comfortable @Dog5Body4U. I hope your wife’s concerns can be eased once your MIL is back in the nursing home.