confusion and agression

[bel]

my hubby has frontal lobe dementia has gotton worse lately they say it maybe has gone into temporal lobe we have had a lot of extra stress re loft being pulled down which i am sure has not helped but he is getting more confused and understandably take it out on me i have mentioned this to visiting psycoligist but as hubby is adament does not want to be in his words zonked out all the time and i agree i know there is small miligram diasapan but do not want to start him down that line yet i think its too soon but it is so hard to cope he had a bad day today so i said i wonder if you had Kalms like me would it help they are natural it must be upsetting him as well cos he said its worth a try i dont like feeling like this i want to be happy go lucky like always was
any thoughts
Love Bel x

 

[jenniferpa]

I don't know Bel - just because something is herbal doesn't necessarily make it a good idea - belladonna is a herb, but it wouldn't be a particularly good idea to much on it!. Do you know what is in Kalms (the website is less than infomative)? I know, having said that, that I've had surprising success using Bach's Rescue Remedy on nervous dogs, even though it's just a homeopathic medicine, and they can't be said to have been effected by a placebo effect. It might be the brandy that it's dissolved in, though! I know I can sometimes sound like an ad for "better living through chemicals" but I think there is something to be said for an appropriate dose of an effective medication rather than a an ineffective one. I can understand that he doesn't want to be "zonked out". Who would? Is diazepam the only option? Or is there something else that might be more appropriate?

Jennifer

 

[Nell]

I use Bach's Rescue Remedy and so do all my family, including my Mum with AD. It helped her to feel more relaxed and to sleep better. Don't know if it is just the placebo effect - but it works for us! But it might be wise to ask the Dr. before using anything - in case it is contra-indicated for any other treatment he is taking.

After all you've both been through Bel, it seems so unfair that you can't just enjoy some "peace and quiet". My heart goes out to both of you.
Nell

 

[wendy43uk]

somtimes a small dose of somthing to calm can improve both your lives aggression can be and is scary day in day out will make life unbarable for uou both go and see the doctor together and see how uou both feel after about it hope this helps wendy

 

[Grannie G]

I am not a drinker and never have been. I am well aware that alcohol should be avoided with certain medication.

I hesitate to write the following, but for what it`s worth, here goes.

For months, my sister has suggested a glass of wine for my husband, when he becomes agitated or depressed. She has always said it might relax him. I have treated these suggestions with scorn, because of the knowledge that mixing alcohol and medication [for diabetes and depression] is inadvisable and for fear of unknown and enexpected reactions.

When we went on holiday recently, the decision was taken out of my hands, on several occasions. My husband had wine and champagne. It had such a positive effect, I am sorely tempted to give him a glass of wine more regularly. He became happy and relaxed and all the anxieties were lifted from his shoulders. There were no negative side effects.

It is not for me to advise anyone. I am simply sharing information which others may find helpful.

Sylvia

 

[bel]

thanks everyone

another realy bad day --hubby is at me all the time it is wearing me out he cant help it i know and bless him says sorry i say i know you cant help it but it hurts and it is hurting more and more it is like having a really naughty child but un like a child you have to let them feel like an adult
will i know when i have to say i cant deal anymore
i know its getting close but i love him so much and like you all i will be so lost and destroyed without him for a long time now i treusre us cuddling up in bed at night
when he is aslep he is my hubby and i can feel him close
i do not want to get out of bed in the morning cos it starts again
i know i am a pain tonight
and there are a lot worse off than me
sorry Bel xxx

 

[connie]

Lionel has always appreciated a glass of wine.

Although at one stage I avoided offering any alcohol at all,( because of contra-indications with his meds), nowdays he still has the occasional glass. He seems to want this less and less, although the care home he went for respite offers sherry before lunch, and a glass of wine with main meal.

Think I will book myself in for some respite, sounds good to me.

 

[connie]

Bel dear, our posts crossed. Sorry to hear things are not good at present.

I really don't know what to say to you, other than use us to let off steam, and don't worry about "who's worries are worse etc", we are all in this together.
Sending you a hug, love

 

[bel]

going to ask for help re calming medication

thanks all
i opened up a bit today to our daughter i try to save the kids --not really kids 37 + 35 cos i had a rough time looking after dad before he died but i am going to ask psycologist that is commimg on thursday is there anything that hubby can have to calm him a bit they tell me there is no medication for frontal lobe but there must be somthing for hubby without him being zonked
thanks again all
love bel x

 

[jenniferpa]

You know Bel, it's not necessarily a good idea to "save the kids". After all, they obviously know there are problems with their father, and sometimes, imagining what's wrong is more worrying than not being told in the first place (speaking as a daughter)

Love
Jennifer

 

[bel]

thanks jennifer

speaking as a daughter
i appreciate what you say my kids know what is going on but they are not properly settled trhem selves so i know they are not up for coping big time with dad can you tell me as a daughter how you feel
it might help me as a mum and you as a daughter
love bel x

 

[jenniferpa]

I know how it goes - I do it with my own children (although they're younger than yours) and I've had it done to me. I do know there have been occasions in the past (before she became ill) that my mother wouldn't tell me things because she didn't want me to worry. Unfortunately, if you know someone well, you know when there's something wrong, but if that person won't tell you what it is, you (well I) worry even more. You can make it quite clear up front that you don't want or expect them to do anything about the issue, but you feel the need to share it. After all, after you, they're his closest family.

Love

Jennifer

 

[Lila13]

They are over 30, they aren't kids, probably better to keep them updated, unless they are very ill themselves.

Lila

 

[ROSEANN]

Dear Bel I think I agree with Jennifer, let your kids know whats going on and you might be surprised.
My daughter has always been strong and there for us so she is a great help if only someone to talk to, My son on the other hand was very laid back and took life as it came but since we told him about his dad he has become a different man and one for the better, he calls all time and comes serveral times a week just to check up on us so I know that when things get really bad they will both be there for us when needed, and knowing this takes a bit of the pressure off me but if I had not told them what was going on they would not have known what it was like.
Also don`t forget he is their dad and if he was good to them in the past they might want the chance to repay his kindness.Hope this helps, lots of hugs to you.
Roseann

 

[mel]

Hi Bel
As a daughter I would advise you to keep the kids informed every step of the way. sadly my dad didn't and it breaks my heart to think how he coped alone.....he always tried to protect me especially.....even though i was 47 at the time!!! To tell them what is going on shares the burden and as jennifer says you may be pleasantly surprised!
This is only my personal opinion of course
Love xx

 

[tubbie]

Hi Bel

I am 39 and my Dad has AD. He lives alone because my parents divorced but if he didn't and my Mum was coping with him on her own I would DEFINITELY want her to involve us 'kids'. As Jennifer so rightly points out they are bound to worry if you don't talk to them so you may aswell turn that worry in to an opportunity to get some help with your hubby. That way you'll all feel better.

Re the alcohol thing I'm afraid I do use it to calm Dad down. He hates it when we leave after a visit and it's really hard to get out the door. He likes a drink and a cake (or 6...) so just as I'm about to go I produce a can of beer and a cake, which distracts him just enough to allow me to leave.

tubbie