My Mum too- money issues and diagnosis
My brother and I were appointed LPAs jointly by my mother one year after we noticed first signs of memory loss (nearly five years ago now). We have her very best friend to thank for this (and I have, from the bottom of my hear) who told her she had done it herself, it was the sensible and intelligent thing to do- that hit the right spot! With gentle off-hand reminders from us she eventually got round to it by herself via her solicitors.
Two years ago she went to hospital with a nasty bug (she was extremely confused and has no memory of this) and staying at her home I discovered she had signed up to 27 different charity direct debits. Three or four of them I knew she had supported for many years. I started by taking away the correspondence for the rest, phoning and making notes of each conversation requesting no more calls or mail shots. This usually happened ok. Eventually we would visit the bank with her and ask her is she REALLY wanted to support this charity? and then get her to delete one or two at a time. It has taken ages, is worrying and exhausting. We felt caught on the cusp of letting her make 'unwise' decisions. As time went by it became clearer and clearer that these 'decisions' had NOT been her choice but she had been so cleverly persuaded into signing up to more and more. The recent case of the old lady who committed suicide because she could not say no reminded us again how unscrupulous the charity fundraising sector is. Apparently there are new guidelines. I don't beat about the bush now - anything new I find on a visit I am on the phone pronto cancelling and barking 'dementia' down the phone and they back down!
We have similar worries about people taking advantage of Mum when out and about. She does the same bus journey, same shops, same shopping, the house is filling up with unlovely stuff (lovely to her of course) and it makes us sad and worried a lot of the time. We both live 100 miles away and there is no-one closer. Any suggestion of outside help such as having a cleaner now and again is met with short shrift.
Last year I got so worried about how often she expressed distress and anxiety about her memory problem I wrote to her GP. He faxed my letter off without a by your leave to the memory clinic, no visit from him, no call, just bang - an appointment she had not asked for herself. I had to admit I had written to her GP, and she came to visits to the clinic with me unwillingly. She was hurt, furious and felt betrayed. She only once whispered the word dementia to me so I knew she was worried sick about what was happening to her. She refused medication so no help from NHS at the moment. The period of assessment and its aftermath was so awful I ended up with anxiety and depression and 5 months off work. If my Mum now says anything about being worried about her memory I now ignore it, change the subject or say it will all be alright. Been there, done that - can't afford to collapse again. My unasked for advice to anyone thinking of following the 'get an early diagnosis' mantra from NHS is follow your gut instinct - only you know your loved one well, you know who they will react.
