• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.



Registered User
Oct 8, 2015
Hi, I am a new member posting for the first time. My Dad is 84 and was diagnosed with dementia 6 years ago. My Mum died 27 years ago and Dad re-married in 1986. His second wife was not willing to look after Dad as his dementia worsened and on Dec.11th last year she, with the help of her niece, a police officer, had Dad sectioned under the Mental Health Act (2). He was moved twice and finally ended up in a care home, which wasn't great but preferable to being "cared" for by his 2nd wife who had physically and mentally abused him, she constantly ridiculed and belittled him in public, and never had a kind word or deed for him. He has been in the care home since April, was without medication for 1 week as his meds did not travel with him from the mental hospital, was mistakenly given epilepsy tablets as the package had been wrongly labelled! Recently he has had a series of falls, the last one on August 26th, he was ambulanced (again) to hospital and I was asked to attend and wait for the ambulance to arrive. Tests were done including a CT scan which revealed massive bleeding and swelling to left side of brain, the left half of the brain was significantly squashed. The outlook was grim, the consultant considered emergency brain surgery but decided that Dad was too frail and he would be left to see how he did. All medical intervention was withdrawn and a DNAR put in place. Dad has now been moved to the dementia ward and is again receiving medication, he has not been out of bed these last weeks, though he was fully and independently mobile previously. He is totally incontinent, cannot hold a cup or feed himself, is eating next to nothing. This last week he has started having involuntary jerks and twitches which he is frightened and confused by, the Dr. said today it could be kidney failure and they will "try" to get a blood test done. We have been told that Dad is now not on end of life care but on palliative treatment. Isn't that one and the same thing? We think dad has deteriorated greatly over the past 6 weeks and don't know what we can expect. Sorry for the long post but it has helped me put it down in words. The doctors are unable to tell us what is going on- other than we are all on a "long journey"


Registered User
Oct 13, 2014
It's rubbish isn't it. My lovely mum has been bedridden and incontinent for a year and on end of life care since May. It's emotionally and physically exhausting. Please feel free to ask for advice or just offload, everyone is so helpful and kind. Wishing you strength for these tough times.

Sent from my iPad using Talking Point


Registered User
May 22, 2015
I am so very sorry to hear of the terrible time you and you poor Dad are going through right now. I totally empathise with you having gone through a very similar thing with my late Father two years ago,being treated in almost the same way by his 2nd wife except I was not even informed of where he was and when I eventually tracked him down the staff had mo idea he had a daughter as had been told by 2nd wife he only had a son,which he didn't as that was her son!! I believe something terrible happened to my Dad as he went downhill so rapidly and it was all very odd but I didn't have the strength to do anything at the time. I'm sending you a big hug to get through this difficult time. X