I peeked in to Talking Point this morning and felt so overwhelmed by the care and kindness of everyone that I am sitting here in tears. I feel as though I have had no feelings in relation to my mother (vascular dementia in a nursing home) and suddenly I found myself sobbing my heart out! I do not understand myself. I was a loyal daughter, visiting my mother with dementia every day when she was at home, and at her worst. The journey was a 2 hour round trip. I made sure she was safe and had the best possible care. Then I arranged for a nursing home placement and she has had over 5 years of positive care, obviously getting less and less "with it". For four and a half years I visited at least once a week ensuring that she had everything that she needed. But everything has changed. About 6 months ago she was more "vacant" than ever. I was tired but made the long journey to see her. We greeted each other and then she said "You don't mind if I go to sleep do you?" I had just driven 2 hours to see her. Since then I have found it so hard to visit her. I keep thinking I will visit tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. Until now I have thought that she doesn't realise that I am not visiting much, so with other diversions in life, I have told myself that my lack of visiting is not a problem. But if I think about it I feel guilty and wish I could get back in to visiting but have been quite cut off. So it was to my suprise that I found myself sobbing in relation to some sensitive Talking Point posts. It is such a long road. I was as supportive as possible when she was at home with dementia and in a nursing home, a total of 8 years. But my commitment just disappeared about 6 months ago. I have tried to get it back. I have made a visit, promised myself I will get back to visiting regularly then time goes by again. This is in the context of her being a very negligent mother when I was a child. I felt upset on my last visit when two staff separately told me how lovely she is, so caring etc. I wanted to say "you don't know the real her" and had to bite my tongue. I am pleased they feel kindly towards her - what I want from a nursing home. So I started writing this post feeling why on earth am I getting upset reading Talking Point posts. Now I know! It is good to know there s a forum where there are so many people with so many experiences and different opinions, I know someone will understand me! Thanks for reading.