Confused and upset

[Spireites]

Hello,
My Wife of 39 years had a life changing accident which resulted her being in ICU for 5 days where she lost 5 pints of blood due to an Internal Haemorrhage. I was told by the ICU Sister that the trauma caused by the loss of blood could start a form of Dementia. Some 4 years later this has crept up on us. She is 82 and I am 'her toy boy' at 69.
In some ways Covid has helped us, or me, to adjust to the change a bit easier. She says that the only problem she has is that her mobility has dramatically reduced due to the 'accident'. She only gets out of bed to go to the toilet because her legs are 'shaky' . She does admit that her memory is not as good as it was. She was a Bookkeeper in the past.

She had the 1st part of the Memory Assessment but then refused to go for the 2nd part and diagnosis as well as refusing to attend Hospital for some other Medical Investigations.

When we are talking about general things her memory usually is ok but when she has to get dressed, have a meal, go to the toilet, normally when I have to remind her to use the Zimmer frame or don't lock/shut the toilet door that I become 'a bully, the worst person in the world etc'. She seems unable to follow directions as to where to put a hand/foot etc. and gets very angry when i remind her.

I don't know where to go to and I am upset that I don't seem able to help her more
Any ideas will be gratefully received
Thanks

Spireites​

 

[Weasell]

Hello,
My Wife of 39 years had a life changing accident which resulted her being in ICU for 5 days where she lost 5 pints of blood due to an Internal Haemorrhage. I was told by the ICU Sister that the trauma caused by the loss of blood could start a form of Dementia. Some 4 years later this has crept up on us. She is 82 and I am 'her toy boy' at 69.
In some ways Covid has helped us, or me, to adjust to the change a bit easier. She says that the only problem she has is that her mobility has dramatically reduced due to the 'accident'. She only gets out of bed to go to the toilet because her legs are 'shaky' . She does admit that her memory is not as good as it was. She was a Bookkeeper in the past.

She had the 1st part of the Memory Assessment but then refused to go for the 2nd part and diagnosis as well as refusing to attend Hospital for some other Medical Investigations.

When we are talking about general things her memory usually is ok but when she has to get dressed, have a meal, go to the toilet, normally when I have to remind her to use the Zimmer frame or don't lock/shut the toilet door that I become 'a bully, the worst person in the world etc'. She seems unable to follow directions as to where to put a hand/foot etc. and gets very angry when i remind her.

I don't know where to go to and I am upset that I don't seem able to help her more
Any ideas will be gratefully received
Thanks

Spireites​

Yep!
Got the tee shirt!
Is it the only the two of you in the house? Have you considered removing the door?

Have you got power of attorney set up ( essential)

Have you applied for Attendance allowance ( Age concern used to help, worth an ask)

I am supposed to be an expert in challenging behaviour, but I just let mum stay in bed. To do otherwise you would have to have such a huge appetite for argument and confrontation and I just haven’t.
All the lessons I have learnt with other groups also relies on them being on a learning curve, and people with dementia are not!

Keep a diary, then when things go very wrong you will have evidence, not ‘opinion’.

You need to get social services to get involved to do an assessment.

At the top of the page are links to much information.

Wishing you well, even if we can’t offer constructive help. Sympathy is always available!