I have been a member of this forum for sometime now and often read the posts that you all do. I find some of them very helpful and others very sad. Overall though I think it's good to know that we are all in a very similar situation and have ups and lows. My Mother has vascular dementia following on from a stroke in 2011. She used to be my best friend and now she is a virtual stranger. 2 years ago my partner and I decided to take the big step of selling our house and Mum's and buying somewhere where we could create a self-contained annexe for Mum so that she could carry on with independent living but we would be on hand to help. This was really because I could not cope anymore with going backwards and forwards to her house from ours. It was only 20 minutes away but I would sometimes do it 2 or 3 times a day. She would phone up to 7 times a day (and night) very upset about silly things and I couldn't leave her to muddle through. Unfortunately the first house we were buying fell through and we all ended up in rented accommodation for 6 months, this didn't help as it confused Mum horribly and she has never really settled since. We have now been in our new house for 18 months. The support in our local area is very good and Mum and I both attend a support group twice a month and Mum goes to day centre clubs three times a week. In between I keep her occupied with drawing, puzzles and short walks around the garden. All sounds pretty good? My problem is my family. I have a sister and a brother. My sister lives abroad but does seem to understand what is happening with Mum and she phones for long chats with her and sends letters photos and drawings from her family. I work with Mum on a "family tree" so we can work out who is who!! My brother, who I used to get on really well with has turned into a different person than the one I grew up with. He is in complete denial about the VD and thinks I am making a lot of fuss about nothing. He has accused me more than once of ripping Mum off and only doing the house move so I could gain. I have tried talking and writing to him but no joy. I have also recently dealt with the death of an Aunt, not just as next of kin but also as executor even though she had nominated both my brother and me. He was unable to help with any of it as he has other commitments. I have had no support or help with any of that either. I had to arrange for Mum to go into respite whilst I was in another part of the country dealing with my Aunts house clearance and sale, as it wasn't convenient for her to go to my brothers. The thing is it is never convenient and he also made it quite clear a while ago that he would never have her to stay if it was to my benefit! He actually came to visit her yesterday with his wife, the first time in the 18 months we have been here. I was told via email that they were coming and I had to change appointments etc but was happy to do that as I thought it would be nice to see them and to see if they were pleased with the set up we have here. How wrong I was. They ignored me completely for the whole 4 hours they were here. They did spend the time with Mum in her annexe. I had left cakes and biscuits for them all to share but they were left untouched. I have no idea what they were talking about as Mum cannot even remember who was here let alone what they said. I know I am not perfect and I know I make mistakes with Mums care but I really do try very hard to make it good. I am exhausted. I work from home on the days that Mum goes to her clubs as well as still trying to unpack and sort out our part of the house. We concentrated on making the annexe perfect so ours just got left. I do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry (a lot as she is incontinent) and dog walking. My partner works really long hours as he is the only bread winner now. I used to show an interest in what he does and even used to work with him but now I cannot be bothered. We have not had a days break since we moved from our beautiful house 2 years ago. When we moved I had this wonderful idea that my brother and his family would spend time with Mum as we are now nearer to where they live and perhaps even take her out for lunch or museum visits etc.. What an idiot I am.