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confused and doing 'bad' things

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Namrah, Oct 17, 2015.

  1. Namrah

    Namrah Registered User

    Oct 17, 2015
    12
    Hi chaps,

    My first post. I am caring for mum aged 81 with confirmed Alzheimer's (by CT in April this year) aggravated by booze. I have moved her with great success to be nearer me (3 miles not 60) into a sheltered flat. The booze is now about 75% less by me watering down gin and sherry! BUT she is leaving rubbish (tonic bottles and milk bottles, plus dead flowers today) any where about the place. She did this when first in the flat as used to a house and her own bin and too scared to go to bin in the flat as it far away. We stopped this by providing notices everywhere and a recycling box used with good effect for 4 months but now she is at it again and the fellow residents (or one in particular) understandably are cross Help what do I do?

    Thanks :)
     
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    That's sad, but really think the only thing you can do is remove her rubbish on a daily basis for her, Don't think she will regain the knowledge about what to do with it herself. I cannot think of anything else except for you to add it to your already long list of things you have to do for your mum, so sorry not much help.
     
  3. Namrah

    Namrah Registered User

    Oct 17, 2015
    12
    #3 Namrah, Oct 18, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2015
    Thanks Tin, it is a ***** disease isn't it ! Yes the list never reduces does it :(
    XX
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,059
    Yorkshire
    I'm thinking you mean taking the rubbish to the outside 'dustbin'. Maybe try a large waste bin just inside the door of her flat, for all her rubbish, which you can empty for her. You can even get ones that look like an old fashioned metal dustbin.
     
  5. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,719
    Female
    London
    She isn't doing "bad things". She is doing dementia things. If she can't be prompted to do them herself anymore, you basically have three options:

    - Do them for her.
    - Get someone else (carers?) to do them for her.
    - Decide the time is right for a good care home.
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    I so agree with Beate
    Definitely not 'bad' and she really needs family and friends to say that to other people and to be firmly on her side but obviously with tolerance about the annoyance of others. Some people are much more understanding and more likely to 'help' and support if they know it is memory loss.

    We just used to do it for my mum, quicker, easier and less stressful for everyone and we also added a carer for an hour a day when the stress upped a level, which it will!

    keep posting, everyone has useful practical solutions and we are all her to support you on you journey x
     
  7. Namrah

    Namrah Registered User

    Oct 17, 2015
    12
    No just out of the flat into the communal hallways, we have thought of a big bin inside but not sure just yet if it is time to move again :( X
     
  8. Namrah

    Namrah Registered User

    Oct 17, 2015
    12
    Yup agreed on all just hate the degree to which this disease is eating up my life too (with no support from siblings but not news to most of us here!)
     
  9. Namrah

    Namrah Registered User

    Oct 17, 2015
    12
    Thanks Fizzie, we do have input from a carer but who knows when she will take it into her head to go out, she tells me she is too scared to go out of the door alone. We have been back today with notices to prompt and I am going to start looking to move her again :( . Thanks all for trying to help.X
     
  10. Namrah

    Namrah Registered User

    Oct 17, 2015
    12
    Forgot to say most residents kind and thoughtful and helpful knowing it might be them next but not this one who was very rude to the carer last week, we have been polite and reassuring to her we are trying but she has no patience. I will not tolerate the rudeness to the carer and have made this very clear, problems come to me.
     
  11. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    awwwwww so stressful for you all!
    You have done an amazing job with the drink absolutely brilliant and you must be exhausted. Do you think it is a good idea to move her again? She might settle with some extra help re bins and things. Perhaps a big bin inside would be good, good thinking Shedrech - it would stop her going out when you don't want her wandering and bumping into Mrs Rude and it would solve the rubbish problem - two things in one!! We used post it notes a lot, in fact loads and loads of them but only a few at a time or it would send my Ma into a tiz waz! but a few strategically placed were helpful. In fact when she had an 'i must go out phase' we put a big note on the front door saying 'x will be here soon, go and make a cup of tea and sit down or you will miss her!' that worked for a few days then we had to change the shape and colour of the notice so that it looked like a new one to grab her attention again!!
     

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