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Confused about where to get support

MMak

New member
Jul 2, 2022
5
0
Many questions .
My 84 year old mum has had dementia for about 4 years. She is unable to make meals for herself and survives because her ex comes over every day from about midday to after evening meal. He then takes two buses to get home. He moved in with her during Covid. I’m a teacher and move in with her for 2 to 4 weeks at a time during school holidays caring for her to give some relief to her partner.


Questions- she is often in a state of severe distress over various imagined fears. Some have lasted years and she will burst into tears every 5 minutes when she is at her worst. Is there any medication that might alleviate her overall mood?

We have an attendance allowance of about 200 quid which we spend on a series of failed attempts to get carers. She’s very hostile to them and they are generally untrained and not great. Things are getting worse and the situation is unsustainable like this and I’m confused as to what the next step is? Who do I speak to ? Is it the GP? The council ?

Our experience with the memory clinic was “you have dementia, here’s a leaflet,goodbye, please don’t contact us again” . We’re trying again over the summer with another care company but they always seem to have a real problem with her partner being there and obsessed with asking about his habits. He doesn’t live with her but is often there when the carers are there because he’s rightly concerned about her welfare. This seems to be complicated issue to grasp for care agencies. Am I missing an agenda in this?

Any advice would be appreciated. I identify with so many of the descriptions of dementia in so many of these posts. It’s such a difficult and distressing experience for the person as well as everyone around them.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,641
0
leicester
Hello @MMak and a warm welcome to DT.
First stop GP then SS get assessments and help with the day to day caring.
I‘m glad you have found the forum it’s a safe place for support and a two way exchange of experiences I hope now you have found us you will continue to post.
 

MMak

New member
Jul 2, 2022
5
0
Thanks. She’s had several assessments with GP and a visit to the house over the years but they have never arranged care subsequently.
 

MMak

New member
Jul 2, 2022
5
0
Thank you. I’ve used the words “vulnerable person at risk” suggested elsewhere in the forum and spoken to GP and adult social services for a new assessment and seem to have got things moving again. She’s going to have a mental health review. Part of the problem is that carers cause her distress and paranoia but sitting alone she gets lost in paranoia and equally distressed. There’s no good solution.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
67,167
0
71
Dundee
That’s good news @MMak. I‘m glad you’ve got things moving again. I know there’s no solution but I hope you can get as much help as possible.