Confirmed diagnosis for mum today

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Doghouse, Dec 30, 2015.

  1. Doghouse

    Doghouse Registered User

    Dec 30, 2015
    15
    Folkestone, Kent
    After months of conversations and huge changes in Mum's wellbeing we have received the confirmed diagnosis of Mixed Dementia. Mixed emotions for me, relief that we know what we are dealing with but much sadness as my thoughts have been confirmed. it has been reading a booklet this evening that I found out about this forum. Mum says she is shocked and her anxiety this afternoon and evening has increased and so has her confusion. I feel like sitting and having a good cry as I know this is just the start and life is going to change so much for mum and me.
     
  2. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Hello doghouse and welcome to TP :)

    I'm sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis. You're right, life will change, and there will undoubtedly be difficult challenges to face. No one would choose this diagnosis.

    However, as you read the various threads here, you'll find that many people are able to live well with dementia. And even when it feels impossibly hard, you will always find support on here. You have come to the right place :)

    Lindy xx
     
  3. Emac

    Emac Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    171
    Have a good cry doghouse. This diagnosis is a shock and a bereavement of sorts. Crying is normal and a healthy way to express the emotion you feel right now. In time you and your Mum will come to terms with it and find ways to go on enjoying life and your relationship for as long as you can, but for now a good cry may be just what you need. Sending a big hug xxxx
     
  4. Doghouse

    Doghouse Registered User

    Dec 30, 2015
    15
    Folkestone, Kent
    Thank you Lindy.

    I know that thousands of family's are dealing with this condition but you feel so alone and at the moment I keep asking myself if this is really happening to us? I feel like I am walking through a dream and that this can't be true.

    I am so glad that I have found this link and can start to speak with people that can relate to what I am thinking and feeling. :)
     
  5. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    #5 lin1, Dec 30, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2015
    Hello Doghouse , Welcome from me but I am sorry you have had to find us.
    I'm so glad that booklet let you know about this place and I hope you find TP as helpful and supportive as I have.

    Though you knew in your heart what could be wrong with Mum, getting the diagnosis can still come as a blow and I'm guessing your concerned about how to access the help and info you may need, not only right now but for the future, TP is just one of the resources you can use, ask us as many questions as you need/want, we will do our best to help.
    Also make good use of your and mum's GP and the memory clinic.

    As you read other members threads do remember that everyone's experience with Demantia is different, no two people with the same dementia at exactly the same stage are the same , nor does having two or more types of Dementia mean things will be much worse.

    I don't want to overwhelm you but their are some things that are good to get in place as soon as you can, providing your Mum is willing and understands the power she is granting to her chosen Attorneys (people)
    One of them is the two types of LPA ( lasting power of Attorney ) property and finance also health and welfare.

    https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview
     
  6. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Hello, Doghouse, and welcome to TP. I'm sorry to hear about your mother and her diagnosis and your upset. However, I am glad you found your way here. I've only been around for a year but have gotten so much help, advice, information, and support here from TP. I hope it will be a good resource for you as well.

    As I'm in the States, I'm not the best one to advise you on procedures in the UK but others who are more local to you can certainly do so. As lin said, we don't want to overwhelm you here at the beginning, but there are some things you will want to put in place sooner rather than later, now that you know what you are dealing with, and sorting the powers of attorney should go on your to-do list.

    But of course right now I can completely understand you feeling a mix of relief and uncertainty and just plain feeling upset and overwhelmed. I am sorry your mother was upset by the news and hope her anxiety and distress from this get better. The good news about getting a diagnosis, as awful as it is, is that you know what is going on and you can get some things in place to help your mother and you and your family. (But then, I'm a person who would always rather know what is going on, no matter how terrible and I appreciate not everyone is like this.)

    Don't worry about feeling upset or like you are complaining or moaning here. TP is a very safe place to talk about whatever you need to discuss, any time, day or night. For many of us, it's a huge relief just to know we are not alone. We do know that feeling of isolation, but you're not alone here.

    Wishing you all the best.
     
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Hello and welcome. You will find understanding, advice and friendship here. My strongest bit of advice is to take itca day at a time. Dont try to imagine or predict the future based on what others have experienced. Its a sure way to get stressed and worried. Deal with each issue as it come and laugh off as much as you can. Its not the end of life but a chnge in life. Im glad you found us.
     
  8. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    Hi Doghouse.

    I'm so sorry to hear that you and your Mum are having to start out on this journey.

    My piece of advice for you would be to make sure that, at the same time as caring for your mum, make sure you keep aside a bit of time just for you. Seeing friends for a coffee and a chat, doing Pilates....something you can lose yourself in for a brief time.

    This diagnosis is devastating for both of you and will take time to come to terms with, but, in order to cope in the long term, be kind to yourself too.

    I have not long found this forum, but it has made a huge difference and the Community is second to none.

    Heidi xx
     

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