My mother is 65 yrs old . She has problems with her memory and repeats herself a lot. We have put this down to the natural ageing process.Although I think we have had our heads in the sand. I visited over christmas and it was much worse she seemed like a different person in some respects but I couldnt put my finger on what it was. She refused to go to a family party at the last minute and her reasons were difficult to pin down and she became quite irritable about it which is not like her. I noticed that she had problems cooking things she has cooked for years and would forget to include part of the recipe. She is currently visiting my sister in Australia and has been there for 6 wks and returns in 2 wks. My sister has told me that Mum is very disorientated and has asked every day what day she flies back. She even dressed for the airport the other evening despite my sister sitting down with her and explaining for about the 50th time what the plans were and that she did not leave for 12 days. She goes to her room when people come to the house that she would normally mix with and she has met before. My sister and I know what is ahead as my grandmother had alzheimers. We are trying to bring the subject up with my mum and get her to go to the doctor but so far have met a brick wall where mum is concerned. She laughs it off and I can now see that we have been all too eager to go along with this. Mum now seems so anxious and scared all the time it is heartbreaking.Does anyone have any advise about bringing this up with her and getting her to discuss it. I am so worried and scared by how quickly this has happened. This time last year she was in Australia and having a wonderful time. In the space of a year what seemed like normal memory loss has become frightening.
Concerns
- Thread starter Jon69
- Start date
Hi Jon, welcome to TP.
What a dilemma you find yourself in. You do need to try to get some help put into place, or at least get some reassurances as to what to do next.
If mum still does not want to see the doctor voluntarily on her return, maybe you could ask the surgery to call her in for an over 65 check up, having sent them a letter with your concerns first.
Some doctors are far more understanding than others, but surely worth a try.
Mum may, of course, feel differently after such a trip at this stage in her illness (and it does sound like some form of dementia), so maybe she would go to the doctors if you said it was to put your mind at rest.
She is probably scared, deep down. It must be so hard for her, and you. Please let us know how you get on.
What a dilemma you find yourself in. You do need to try to get some help put into place, or at least get some reassurances as to what to do next.
If mum still does not want to see the doctor voluntarily on her return, maybe you could ask the surgery to call her in for an over 65 check up, having sent them a letter with your concerns first.
Some doctors are far more understanding than others, but surely worth a try.
Mum may, of course, feel differently after such a trip at this stage in her illness (and it does sound like some form of dementia), so maybe she would go to the doctors if you said it was to put your mind at rest.
She is probably scared, deep down. It must be so hard for her, and you. Please let us know how you get on.
Thank you , Connie for the advice. I will certainly give it a try. This site has given me lots of information this afternoon and lots to think about. I never thought I would find myself in this position but then I dont suppose anybody does. At the moment I feel numb. My sister said this morning that she felt her world had changed overnight. I know what she means. I feel glad that my sister and I both voiced our fears today rather than letting them fester as I have certainly done since christmas. My sister moves back to the uk in October and will be near my mum which is some relief.
I will keep you posted.
Thanks again
Jon
I will keep you posted.
Thanks again
Jon
Jon, I too am glad that you and your sister have 'talked'.
Never easy, especially when it is a parent. Must make you feel disloyal somehow. Good to know that your sister will be back in the country later in the year. You will be able to support each other, whilst trying to help mum.
Please ask any questions that may crop up. Someone here on TP will always point you in the right direction. Take care now.
Never easy, especially when it is a parent. Must make you feel disloyal somehow. Good to know that your sister will be back in the country later in the year. You will be able to support each other, whilst trying to help mum.
Please ask any questions that may crop up. Someone here on TP will always point you in the right direction. Take care now.
Hi Jon
If your mum has AD she will be finding it very difficult to take in information and will probable find it very difficult to discuss any new subject logically with you. In my experience trying to get my mum to understand that she had a problem was completely impossible, because the problem is the disease makes understanding anything new impossible. Having an argument (forceful discussion) was just not worth while. It would just upset us both. I found it was best when discussing anything to just go with the flow, and not try to change any of my mum’s opinions.
Depending on how advanced your mum’s condition is it might be better to write to her GP and explain your concern before her next routine visit. It was amazing how lucid mum would be when in the presence of the GP. (Deliver the letter to the receptionist yourself is possible the best course of action so you can tell them what you want to happen). My mum used to go to the GP every six months to have her prescription checked and I was fortunate in that mum did not drive. I offered her a lift to the doctor’s surgery and walked into the doctor's room with her (though walking in might not work with your mum).
I was also fortunate that a friend advised me to make sure mum made out a Power of Attorney when I suspected she had AD. The Power of Attorney was indispensable in sorting out mum’s affairs.
Best wishes
Clive
If your mum has AD she will be finding it very difficult to take in information and will probable find it very difficult to discuss any new subject logically with you. In my experience trying to get my mum to understand that she had a problem was completely impossible, because the problem is the disease makes understanding anything new impossible. Having an argument (forceful discussion) was just not worth while. It would just upset us both. I found it was best when discussing anything to just go with the flow, and not try to change any of my mum’s opinions.
Depending on how advanced your mum’s condition is it might be better to write to her GP and explain your concern before her next routine visit. It was amazing how lucid mum would be when in the presence of the GP. (Deliver the letter to the receptionist yourself is possible the best course of action so you can tell them what you want to happen). My mum used to go to the GP every six months to have her prescription checked and I was fortunate in that mum did not drive. I offered her a lift to the doctor’s surgery and walked into the doctor's room with her (though walking in might not work with your mum).
I was also fortunate that a friend advised me to make sure mum made out a Power of Attorney when I suspected she had AD. The Power of Attorney was indispensable in sorting out mum’s affairs.
Best wishes
Clive
Hello Jon.
Can I suggest you keep a diary of your mother`s behaviour. This is something I did or my husband, for a few months before I visited our GP.
I was able to present the diary and it showed very clearly my concerns had some foundation. My husband is diabetic, so it was easy for the GP to call him in for a diabetic check up.
Your mother`s GP might be able to ask her to call in.
Please do let us know how you get on.
Can I suggest you keep a diary of your mother`s behaviour. This is something I did or my husband, for a few months before I visited our GP.
I was able to present the diary and it showed very clearly my concerns had some foundation. My husband is diabetic, so it was easy for the GP to call him in for a diabetic check up.
Your mother`s GP might be able to ask her to call in.
Please do let us know how you get on.
HI Jon
Sadly, that is exactly what Mum was like in the early stages, and before we realised what was wrongwith her.
She'd always loved cooking but started burning things and getting really flustered.
She'd always loved all the family and grandchildren around, but started going into her bedroom when the house was full.
We never actually told her she had AD - Dad had spoken to their Doctor who then saw Mum, and made appointments at the memory clinic - he just told her it was to check her out.
I would definately contact her Doctor - hopefully if it's a good practise, they make make a home visit and you sister can arrange to be there at the same time.
Libs
Sadly, that is exactly what Mum was like in the early stages, and before we realised what was wrongwith her.
She'd always loved cooking but started burning things and getting really flustered.
She'd always loved all the family and grandchildren around, but started going into her bedroom when the house was full.
We never actually told her she had AD - Dad had spoken to their Doctor who then saw Mum, and made appointments at the memory clinic - he just told her it was to check her out.
I would definately contact her Doctor - hopefully if it's a good practise, they make make a home visit and you sister can arrange to be there at the same time.
Libs
