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    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

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Concerns over reported sexual activity in nurses no home

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Disenchanted, Jul 5, 2019.

  1. Disenchanted

    Disenchanted Registered User

    Sep 26, 2015
    3
    Torquay
    #1 Disenchanted, Jul 5, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
    Hi looking for some advice! My step mum has been in a nursing home for the past 2 years with advanced dementia. She is doubly in continent, is almost blind and relies on carers for everything. She has had 20+ falls in the last 6 months resulting in cut head and many bumps and bruises but no broken bones yet. She was at ‘end of lufe’ In January but that was due to over medication. She has lost a lot of weight and now breast cancer is suspected, but dr advice is no treatment due to her lack of cognition and frailty. She is still mobile and has a habit of undressing. She doesn’t recognise my father or myself anymore but she will say hello and goodbye when prompted. She appears happy. Yesterday evening I received a call from the home advising me that during the previous night she had been found naked with a new male patient and ‘some touching was taking place and the male patient was very excited’ I haven’t been able to sleep worrying about what had taken place and have no idea what to do as the home didn’t seem to be as alarmed as I am. They apparently have to report it as a safeguarding issue. When I asked what they were going to do the answer was maybe put a sensor on her bedroom door! But where does it leave my stepmom, she is prone to wandering at night. Who should I be discussing this with?
     
  2. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    371
    Most local authorities have a helpline or team who deal with safeguarding vulnerable adults. I would contact them. However, I would also try and discuss this with the home manager. It is very distressing and they do have a duty or care. I am sorry you find yourself in this very difficult situation.
     
  3. Disenchanted

    Disenchanted Registered User

    Sep 26, 2015
    3
    Torquay
    Thank you. I’ve found a confidential helpline to discuss.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,149
    Kent
    I don`t think you need to report it to anyone @Disenchanted. It sounds as if the home has it in hand and is doing everything by the book.

    This is probably because the home is aware this can happen and is more objective. For you, this is a first, and more personal, so much more upsetting.

    If it`s any comfort, your mother was found, probably during a routine night round, and came to no harm.

    My mother also went through a stage of undressing and I found her in her room with a man when I visited. The staff were completely unaware, even though this was during the day. I moved my mother from this home because I was unhappy the home didn`t know where my mother and this man were.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,902
    Female
    South coast
    You dont have to report it to anybody - the home is reporting it.
    This sort of thing does happen periodically, even in the best of homes and the manager should have strategies to prevent it.

    One thing I might suggest is that you can get clothing that does up down the back which makes it difficult for the person to remove. It might be a good idea in her case as she tends to disrobe in public
     
  6. Disenchanted

    Disenchanted Registered User

    Sep 26, 2015
    3
    Torquay
    Thank you for your suggestions, I’ll look into some new nightwear. I feel reassured that I’m not seen to be neglecting her.
     
  7. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,469
    It is also possible to put a sensor mat by the bed which sends a message to the office when your Mum gets out of bed. Mum has one of these as she fell when getting out of bed .
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,149
    Kent
    Of course not @Disenchanted

    It is known some people with dementia lose their inhibitions. It`s sad for the family to witness their respected parents to behave in this way but it really is part and parcel of the illness.
     

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