Concerns over forthcoming home visit

Bumbleb

Registered User
Nov 19, 2013
7
0
Hi all, I'm new to TP and am struggling to understand dementia and the way forward .Since the beginning of the year my Step-mother who's 83 and lives 160 miles away has been complaining about hearing neighbours calling her and arguing etc. not possible as she has double glazing lives in a plot of 3/4 of an acre and is hard of hearing. Tried to get her to see the GP but would not as there was nothing wrong with her it was them. I carried on with my daily phone calls and monthly visits until June when I was told by the man who looks after her garden that she was (his words) losing the plot. Increased our visits to weekly spoke to neighbours who were concerned that she was acting out of character and having problems driving, persuaded her to put property up for sale and move to the area which we live and to not drive car. Hoped we could tick along until property sold and then I would be able to have her near and be able to visit daily to make sure she was ok. How wrong I was she rapidly got worse Doctor would not believe me and was reluctant to deal with me as I wasn't a blood relative, neighbours were phoning daily about her entering their house sitting in their garden etc. one week we made four visits each time she promised she wouldn't bother them but as soon as we left she would be back round there. Police became involved and finally Doctor took notice and referred her to the mental health team. Memory test were done and they put her on a low dose of psychotic drug we spent a week with her while drug kicked in and arranged for her to have drug administered by district nurse when we went home. This was fine for three days then back to harassing the neighbour with a vengeance . Taken to a mental health assessment unit at the beginning of September . Each time we visit she has some new tale to tell, asked me how my ex husband is when I said he wasn't my ex but is still my husband she said she couldn't believe that I was still with him after all he's done to me. The GP visits in the middle of the night to get her sign papers and so on and so on. Spoke to the doctor in the unit at the weekend and he said she told him that he takes patients to the attic to finish them off, but then said he is letting her go home for the day on Thursday for a home visit to see how she gets on.apparently hospital transport will drop her off and pick her up late afternoon. I'm so concerned that we're going to be back where we started....feel very selfish to say I don't think I can cope with irate neighbours 320 mile round journeys etc ...
 

afossil

Registered User
Sep 10, 2009
20
0
Doctors have a duty of care and this does not sound sensible. I am sure you are reluctant to make a fuss but this seems the only way. Tell him you will hold him responsible if anything goes wrong and ask for a further assessment of her condition.
 

Bumbleb

Registered User
Nov 19, 2013
7
0
Doctors have a duty of care and this does not sound sensible. I am sure you are reluctant to make a fuss but this seems the only way. Tell him you will hold him responsible if anything goes wrong and ask for a further assessment of her condition.

That's how I feel about it Afossil, but didn't know if this is normal procedure to try home visits but really feel as if she is not ready for this at this time.
 

Haylett

Registered User
Feb 4, 2011
1,144
0
BumbleB - it seems to me that you're coping extraordinarily well in extremely difficult circumstances.

If it's possible (and I appreciate that spare time is something of a luxury right now), I would start to keep a note of the progression of events. I also think that it's unacceptable to try your stepmother with a home visit until she's been fully assessed. I assume that she's been checked for UTIs? It's usually the first thing they test for, but Mum behaved very much like your step-mother each time that she had an infection. I would have said that she was very vulnerable behaving as she is, and reading between the lines, the neighbours are struggling to cope with her intrusive visits.

I would ask for clarification on the purpose of this home visit. Is it to measure how little she can cope (ie therefore justify the GP's subsequent recommendation for care to be stepped up). Is there a limit on the time that someone can be kept in this unit before "moving them on"? (You say she has been there since September, perhaps there's a 6/8 week limit by which time a decision for future care has to be made).

So much is governed by targets and times these days, that it's important to understand what's driving the decision-making. Is it your stepmother's mental health and welfare? Or is it targets that the mental unit has to address? They might not be the same...so please do ask.
 

Bumbleb

Registered User
Nov 19, 2013
7
0
I do feel that it's being rushed along, when she was admitted we were told it would be for a four to six week period and so we are now passed that, but I can't really see any improvement apart from not being so agitated due to being drugged she is still having all these strange thoughts and I'm worried that if she goes back home like this she will be acting on them again and it's not as if I'm just round the corner to help,apart from me she has no one.. I have asked her about moving up to us and having sheltered accommodation or something ,that went down like a lead balloon as far as she's concerned there's no reason why she can't go home there's nothing wrong with her.