concerns about my mothers carer

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by essmess, Aug 15, 2015.

  1. essmess

    essmess Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    hi i am new to this game! my mother lives 100 miles away and has some heart failure and wary forgetful s hospitalised over chriristmas. for peace of mind i arranged fro her to have a carer come in twice a day to make sure she is ok and help with anything she needs doing. this is through a company.

    i now understand the carer is taking mum on shoppping trips, out for lunch and has even taken her to her home for a cup of tea. none of this is in the original care plan!

    it is probably all innocent but i am not sure it is being done under the tterms of the care company and seems to be stepping over boundaries of proffessional behaviour. i dont want to get the carer in trouble but nor do i want her to be " befriending" mum or taking advantage of her. being so far away its hard to know exactly what is going on.
    can anyone advise? i htought i might write to the carer and tell her she must stick to the care plan and any other activities must be done with the awareness and consent of the care company. what says everyone.
  2. Havemercy

    Havemercy Registered User

    Oct 8, 2012
    My personal view is that all this is probably ok - the carer should have been criminal record checked etc but what does your mum think of the outings? Is she saying she enjoys the shopping trips etc. I think in your place I would be keeping an eye on mum's financial affairs/any valuables in the house and coming down to see mum when the carer was present, so you could meet her and get an idea of what she is like. Maybe mum really enjoys these outings, rather than being stuck indoors all the time? Professional carers do often become fond of their clients, and maybe this is what is happening here - but I would need to meet this person - if this were me.
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    This isn't really professional especially if it's not in the care plan. It's the sort of thing sitters do but even they are not usually allowed to take a client home with them.
    Contact the carer and ask for an explanation. She should do things according to the care plan, and if the care plan is not clear enough then it ought to be more specific, especially where it involves spending your mother's money on shopping and lunch.
  4. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    Hello, My first thoughts are : Who told you this is happenning? If it is your Mum, are you sure it happened and was not a nice day dream? My late Mum was prone to telling me all sorts of things she's done that day...including telling me ( on her deathbed) she'd done the trip to town and bought her dinners in M&S, more than 12 months after her last trip out of the CH!:eek::rolleyes:
    Secondly, what is it that bothers you if the carer has been taking Mum out? Because I don't know what your arrangements with the company are, I cannot comment on the time the carer is fitting in other visits, or is she solely employed to care for Mum. Most agency carers are under such pressure to fit in all the calls that I cannot imagine them taking the time to take a Lady for a run out.
    Has your Mum complained about her trips out, is she having to pay for things....coffees, cakes, petrol? Are you worried that Mum is being exploited?
    I woulld be less concerned about the trips out if your Mum is enjoying her time. It must be more stimulating. than being cooped up at home all day.
    I think you need to make a visit home to coincide with the carer's visit so you can witness the interaction between Mum and Carer. Make sure that there is an LPA in place ( if possible) giving you control of Mum's legal and financial affairs. Check that the Carer's Liability Insurance covers her taking Mum out....and her car insurance covers business use too.

    If you really are unhappy about Mum being " adopted" by this carer, then you need to take steps to ensure that these events are stopped.
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    I was once that carer. Years ago I was employed part time as companion/carer for an 80 year old lady and I did cross that line, a very grey and wobbly line, but crossed. I would often take this lady back to my home for coffee and then off we'd go to do my supermarket shop as well as hers [no financial slips] and different places for lunch. I realised that the family were not too happy with my arrangement or view of how I thought the job should be done. They opened my eyes to some of the risks I was taking and that they would prefer I stuck to my job description which was discussed at the very beginning of my employment. I had permission to take her for lunch/tea to specifically named places where the family had set up accounts, and if I wanted to take her somewhere different like cinema, museum etc, I was to discuss with them first. Took me a while, but I realised that they just wanted peace of mind and to know where their mother was at all times.

    Sounds like your carer is doing all of this extra stuff out of her contracted hours, you should talk to agency and ask that the care plan be reviewed and updated this will at least give you the chance to discuss with them all this extra curriculum stuff that is going on.

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