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concerned raised about MILs welbeing in the home

Lyd

Registered User
May 27, 2019
84
Advice please. MIL went into a home about 2 months into lockdown when we could no longer safeguard her in the community among other things she was getting verbal abuse of people for not keeping 2 meters away from them. Anyhow. She went into a local home that felt she could meet her needs following an assessment by social care. She is held under emergency DOLS but has had no further assessment (apparently this is normal) I have been in once last week for a half hour visit but otherwise its all been shouting through a window and one garden visit where she tried to follow me home (she was promptly banned from garden visits).
I have not been incredibly impressed by the home it is however hard to assess when you mainly shout through a window. I have been quite anxious about the whole thing which slightly colours judgement. This week we have had a call from social care who had a cause for concern raised by a nurse who goes in (basically the only non member of staff going in appart from randomly a hair dresser). Nurse is concerned MIL stays in her room all the time and doesnt come out. Is agetated a lot (she has had a medication change by a psychiatist consulting with staff via zoom) and has lost weight (i think she initially put on weight due to not walking in excess of 4 miles a day). Social worker recomends we move her to annother home. We dont want to move her because we would be moving from one home we dont know to annother which seems a totally random intervention.
I was also concerned she wasnt coming out but think this is because she spent the first 2 weeks being shooed back into her room everytime she came out because she was isolating and is allowed all her meals in her room. Her curtains are usually closed and she hasnt been outside the building appart from the garden visit. She has definately deteriorated since admission and at the same time that was the case pre admission too. My suggestion would be
1. Vitimin D 2. Encouraged to have time outside the building 3. Meals not taken to her in her room 4. Family visits in the unit on welfare grounds see if we can get her out perhaps we could eat with her? Unlikely.
What do you think? Any other ideas welcome.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,861
I can see why you don't want to move your mother in law to another home, as you may well end up with a similar situation, but if a nurse is concerned enough to think she should move that does suggest she has serious cause for concern. I think your first port of call should be the manager to see if between you can come up with a plan to persuade your MiL to engage more and to see what concerns if any he or she has. If she or he doesn't think there is a problem, I think that would raise a red flag to me about how well the home is managing to care for her. At the same time maybe explore other homes that might better meet her needs.
I'm sure others who've been in similar situations will be along with their views very soon.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
701
I would be concerned by a nurse recommending a move to a different home. Does the nurse say what she hopes to achieve by a move and why that can't be achieved where your mum is at present? @Sarasa 's approach seems very practical, to see if things can be improved at the current home but put some feelers out for other homes which might be better. I would ask the nurse if she has anywhere in mind and why she thinks it would be so beneficial.

I did have to move my mum a couple of years ago but that was because her behaviour was too "challenging" for the one she was in. She was self funding and nobody was prepared to recommend anywhere. It was incredibly stressful finding somewhere which I felt would a) be good and b) which would take her. If the nurse has a recommendation for your mum, then it's probably worth looking into just so you have all the information you need to hand just in case.
 

Jayne M

Registered User
May 1, 2020
33
Advice please. MIL went into a home about 2 months into lockdown when we could no longer safeguard her in the community among other things she was getting verbal abuse of people for not keeping 2 meters away from them. Anyhow. She went into a local home that felt she could meet her needs following an assessment by social care. She is held under emergency DOLS but has had no further assessment (apparently this is normal) I have been in once last week for a half hour visit but otherwise its all been shouting through a window and one garden visit where she tried to follow me home (she was promptly banned from garden visits).
I have not been incredibly impressed by the home it is however hard to assess when you mainly shout through a window. I have been quite anxious about the whole thing which slightly colours judgement. This week we have had a call from social care who had a cause for concern raised by a nurse who goes in (basically the only non member of staff going in appart from randomly a hair dresser). Nurse is concerned MIL stays in her room all the time and doesnt come out. Is agetated a lot (she has had a medication change by a psychiatist consulting with staff via zoom) and has lost weight (i think she initially put on weight due to not walking in excess of 4 miles a day). Social worker recomends we move her to annother home. We dont want to move her because we would be moving from one home we dont know to annother which seems a totally random intervention.
I was also concerned she wasnt coming out but think this is because she spent the first 2 weeks being shooed back into her room everytime she came out because she was isolating and is allowed all her meals in her room. Her curtains are usually closed and she hasnt been outside the building appart from the garden visit. She has definately deteriorated since admission and at the same time that was the case pre admission too. My suggestion would be
1. Vitimin D 2. Encouraged to have time outside the building 3. Meals not taken to her in her room 4. Family visits in the unit on welfare grounds see if we can get her out perhaps we could eat with her? Unlikely.
What do you think? Any other ideas welcome.
Advice please. MIL went into a home about 2 months into lockdown when we could no longer safeguard her in the community among other things she was getting verbal abuse of people for not keeping 2 meters away from them. Anyhow. She went into a local home that felt she could meet her needs following an assessment by social care. She is held under emergency DOLS but has had no further assessment (apparently this is normal) I have been in once last week for a half hour visit but otherwise its all been shouting through a window and one garden visit where she tried to follow me home (she was promptly banned from garden visits).
I have not been incredibly impressed by the home it is however hard to assess when you mainly shout through a window. I have been quite anxious about the whole thing which slightly colours judgement. This week we have had a call from social care who had a cause for concern raised by a nurse who goes in (basically the only non member of staff going in appart from randomly a hair dresser). Nurse is concerned MIL stays in her room all the time and doesnt come out. Is agetated a lot (she has had a medication change by a psychiatist consulting with staff via zoom) and has lost weight (i think she initially put on weight due to not walking in excess of 4 miles a day). Social worker recomends we move her to annother home. We dont want to move her because we would be moving from one home we dont know to annother which seems a totally random intervention.
I was also concerned she wasnt coming out but think this is because she spent the first 2 weeks being shooed back into her room everytime she came out because she was isolating and is allowed all her meals in her room. Her curtains are usually closed and she hasnt been outside the building appart from the garden visit. She has definately deteriorated since admission and at the same time that was the case pre admission too. My suggestion would be
1. Vitimin D 2. Encouraged to have time outside the building 3. Meals not taken to her in her room 4. Family visits in the unit on welfare grounds see if we can get her out perhaps we could eat with her? Unlikely.
What do you think? Any other ideas welcome.
Advice please. MIL went into a home about 2 months into lockdown when we could no longer safeguard her in the community among other things she was getting verbal abuse of people for not keeping 2 meters away from them. Anyhow. She went into a local home that felt she could meet her needs following an assessment by social care. She is held under emergency DOLS but has had no further assessment (apparently this is normal) I have been in once last week for a half hour visit but otherwise its all been shouting through a window and one garden visit where she tried to follow me home (she was promptly banned from garden visits).
I have not been incredibly impressed by the home it is however hard to assess when you mainly shout through a window. I have been quite anxious about the whole thing which slightly colours judgement. This week we have had a call from social care who had a cause for concern raised by a nurse who goes in (basically the only non member of staff going in appart from randomly a hair dresser). Nurse is concerned MIL stays in her room all the time and doesnt come out. Is agetated a lot (she has had a medication change by a psychiatist consulting with staff via zoom) and has lost weight (i think she initially put on weight due to not walking in excess of 4 miles a day). Social worker recomends we move her to annother home. We dont want to move her because we would be moving from one home we dont know to annother which seems a totally random intervention.
I was also concerned she wasnt coming out but think this is because she spent the first 2 weeks being shooed back into her room everytime she came out because she was isolating and is allowed all her meals in her room. Her curtains are usually closed and she hasnt been outside the building appart from the garden visit. She has definately deteriorated since admission and at the same time that was the case pre admission too. My suggestion would be
1. Vitimin D 2. Encouraged to have time outside the building 3. Meals not taken to her in her room 4. Family visits in the unit on welfare grounds see if we can get her out perhaps we could eat with her? Unlikely.
What do you think? Any other ideas welcome.
I can see why you don't want to move your mother in law to another home, as you may well end up with a similar situation, but if a nurse is concerned enough to think she should move that does suggest she has serious cause for concern. I think your first port of call should be the manager to see if between you can come up with a plan to persuade your MiL to engage more and to see what concerns if any he or she has. If she or he doesn't think there is a problem, I think that would raise a red flag to me about how well the home is managing to care for her. At the same time maybe explore other homes that might better meet her needs.
I'm sure others who've been in similar situations will be along with their views very soon.
Hello Lyd.
We were in a similar position to yourselves with my dad. He stayed with us for several weeks during lockdown but again we couldn't keep him safe. We got him placed in a care home for emergency respite and assessment. He absconded the next day and 2 days after that was in A & E with COVID. We dont blame the home for these events but how they handled them was poor. Dad survived and went back to the home. There never seemed to be anything positive and communication was awful. Our gut feeling was that he needed to be somewhere else. We were contacted by the Care Home Liaison Officer, who is a community psychiatric nurse and she was brilliant, helping us find the right place for dad. He is now much happier, doesn't try to leave, has put on a stone in weight and communication with the home is wonderful. Trust your instincts and get help. Also, do a lot of research and phone individual homes. The good ones will give you time to ask questions and you will get a feel for the quality.
 

Lyd

Registered User
May 27, 2019
84
Thanks guys. Really helpful as always. At the moment is seems a game of whispers the nurse emailed to social worker who phoned us. I do think its worth exploring all options.