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Concerned Daughters

NikkiCM

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
Hi, hoping to get some advice.

About october 2017 my sister and I noticed our father was getting very forgetful and was not his usual self.


He had a memory test and was told it was due to the results they diagnosed early onset alzhemiers/dementia and has steadily been declining.

Unfortunately, in Dec 2019 he fell down the stairs fracturing his skull and had a bleed on the brain 😥 and spent the next 3 months in rehab and was discharged in Feb 2020.

He ended back up in hospital about 2 weeks with a water infection and only came out last week but, this latest stay in hospital has really knocked him as he has definitely got worst.

My sister is his main carer but, she works full time but, she says he calls out too her at least every 5 minutes saying he is uncomfortable but, he can't say why and then he says its because he is lonely.

We are considerly residential care as my sister is at her wits end and I live 1hr 30 away though I try my best to help out at the weekends.

Really could do with some advice as we just don't know what to do and we are scared and feel guilty for thinking of residential care

Please help, many thanks
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,456
N Ireland
Hello @NikkiCM, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required, from basic care to residential care, and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,223
South coast
Many people with dementia develop a fear of being on their own and once that happens they need someone within eyeballing range 24/7. Its incredibly hard to do on your own and impossible when you are working. Dont feel guilty about considering residential care (ie a care home) as I would have suggested it. General popular opinion is that a care home equals failure, but it is not, it can be a very positive thing - it was for my mum and many others on here can attest to the same.
The situation here is all very strange now, but try and get Social Services to come and do a needs assessment.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,700
South East
Hi @NikkiCM welcome from me too. I’m sorry to hear about your dad . Sounds like you are both doing brilliantly while holding down full time jobs , you must be worn out . Please don’t feel guilty about a care home , you love your dad and want to do what’s best for him , making sure he has company and care 24hours a day might be the best things. Take care
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,378
Nottinghamshire
Hi @NikkiCM I didn’t want to think about my dad living in a carehome either but he was calmer and happier once he was living in one than he had been alone at home. I wish I’d made the decision to move him there sooner. It was the right decision for him and he was well looked after to the end of his life.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
462
Mid Lincs
The effects of a UTI can take some time to clear, my OH was in hospital last year for 12 weeks had 6 infections in that time and was finally discharged on 3rd Apr. He was so full of the residue of antibiotics I thought our lives had changed forever, he couldn't do anything for himself, couldn't hold a spoon or a mug, couldn't wash or dress and had lost all his mobility. However slowly, week by week there was an improvement. He now feeds himself and walks with a frame. Of course not all do recover but I hope as time goes by your dad does improve.
It's uncertain times at the minute all in the care system are maxed out and lots of care homes have closed their doors so the situation could well take time to improve but that doesn't mean you can't start the ball rolling to see what is on offer if things remain difficult for you and your sister and of course your father.
One thing I think important to remember is if you feel you can not give your dad the care and time he needs then a care home should not be seen as failure but as a continuation of the love and support you are currently giving him.
 

NikkiCM

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
Thank you for those that replied it has helped a lot.

We have decided that once this virus has gone then we are going to try the day care centre option first and if that doesn't work then we will look at RC.

We don't just want to cart him off but, will try the alternatives first and see if that helps.

We are going to research a few homes so that if it does come too it then at least we will be armed with thr right info.

Kind regards,
NikkiCM
 

NikkiCM

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
Just to give an update on daddy xx

We finally got hold of Adult Care Services after 4 days of trying and leaving messages. Daddy had a care assessment yesterday over the phone. As he has now stated he wants to stay at home for the time being and be with family (my sister lives with him) then no residential care home at present and still the carers coming in 4 times a day but, they have also said that we can now have respite care available when things get a bit too much for my sister

Again thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and advice as we would've never known about where to go for help