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Concerned and scared


Registered User
Nov 22, 2015
Hello everyone!

My father inlaw was diagnosed with dementia in 2014. He is 82 yrs old. The doctor put him on donepezil 5mg but I don't really see any inprovement. I know he is scared of what is going on with himself and knows something is wrong but he won't talk about it. Sometimes he wil cry, especially when he is alone with me but again he won't express himself. I am not sure if the dementia wont let him or what. He has lost alot of weight, we never see a smile or laughter anymore. He is just exisiting. It breaks my heart to see him like this and neither my husband or I know if we are doing enough to help him.
My husbands mom does her best with him but she gets so frustrated with him and doesn't have alot of patience. She says he is always grumpy and has mentioned once or twice to my husband that the husband she knew is no longer there.

We have arranged for them to move into a retirement home so they both can be around other people their age. Still waiting for a space to be available. Right now living at their home, they spend their day doing absolutely nothing but driving each other crazy. Dad can't seem to complete a task or project of any kind. He use to go on the computer, and now it sits there cause he doesn' remember how anymore. It just breaks my heart. For Thanksgiving we are going to have them over to our home for dinner. They seem to enjoy that as long as there is not alot of people. I notice when there are more people, especially the great grandchildren, they both seem to get nervous like. I am hoping that once they get into this retirement home that they both will mingle with others, get involved with different events that might have going on there and be happier. Just don't know if we are on the right track for them or not.


Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
Kostume, am I right in thinking you are in the US?
First of all, what was the donepezil prescribed for? The dementia itself will not improve - it's a progressive illness. If the medication is not doing what it was prescribed for, you need to go back to the doctor and tell him.
You are probably right that your fil is unable to express what is wrong. He could be depressed, or it could be that his illness makes communication and expressing himself difficult.
Is the retirement home you have arranged aware that your fil has dementia? Will he be able to progress to full time care or nursing care there if /when his condition deteriorates to the later stages of the illness?

Do have a good browse around the site. There's so much info on here, it can seem overwhelming and scary at first, but you have come to the right place for support. :)