Hi, I'm new to the forum. My sister is in the process of being diagnosed, but she is totally in denial. Of course, I can't visit her at the moment - and I live an hour away so even when restrictions are lifted it's not a short trip. I'm feeling so down and emotional about the situation. She lives with her adult son (who also has some mental health issues) but he does provide some support. Her other son and family live nearby and my sister has got it into her mind that her daughter-in-law is interfering and making these unwelcome appointments. I luckily phone her when she was due to go to an appointment (that I wasn't aware of) at the memory clinic, but wasn't going to go - I managed to persuade her to attend the appointment but she has now written DISCHARGED in her diary. I feel that I'm walking a tightrope because I think she sees me as her only ally. My parents both died with Alzheimer's and my sister and I both swore that we would do everything we could to alleviate the symptoms if we started to suffer, but of course that has all gone out of the window now. I just feel so helpless and hopeless! (Sorry about the long, rambling message.)
concerned about my sister
- Thread starter Dibble2
- Start date
Hi @Dibble2 and welcome.
This is such an awful disease so I hope you will find some comfort from this forum.
You did well to persuade your sister to attend the memory clinic- it will help to get her the help she needs, and any benefits such as Attendance Allowance, if she has a diagnosis.
My OH was equally obstinate about the memory test- even when he got the diagnosis he did not accept it and was 'going to sort that doctor out for telling such lies'.
'Helpless and hopeless' is a common feeling on here, and don't apologise - you need to offload your feelings and we understand.
Keep posting and tell us how things progress.
This is such an awful disease so I hope you will find some comfort from this forum.
You did well to persuade your sister to attend the memory clinic- it will help to get her the help she needs, and any benefits such as Attendance Allowance, if she has a diagnosis.
My OH was equally obstinate about the memory test- even when he got the diagnosis he did not accept it and was 'going to sort that doctor out for telling such lies'.
'Helpless and hopeless' is a common feeling on here, and don't apologise - you need to offload your feelings and we understand.
Keep posting and tell us how things progress.
Hi @Dibble2 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll find lots of support here.
Covid has made what was already a difficult situation even more so. In 'normal' times I'm sure you'd have gone over and either gone to appointments with your sister or at least visited and helped out your nephews with the care of their mother.
Your sister probably isn't deliberately ignoring her problems. A common symptom of dementia is anosognosia, which means the person with dementia doesn't understand that the difficulties they are having are due to their dementia so they assume it must be caused by something or someone else. Blaming her daughter in law for interfering is typical. My mum told all her friends I had dementia which was why I was trying to get her to go to the memory clinic. If your sister is refusing to engage with the clinic there is not a lot you can do at the moment. In mum's case the matter was only resolved when she had a melt-down in the doctor's surgery and they organised a psychiatrist to go round announced and see her.
I'm sure others will be along with their ideas and suggestions shortly, but does anyone in the family have Lasting Power of Attorney, as this will be very useful as things progress. Maybe you could do yours if you haven't already done so, so your sister can see it is a normal thing for people to do as they get older.
The other thing that might be useful is this thread about Compassionate Communication. This might give you some ideas about how to approach things. Mind you I found it very difficult to always use it with my mother, but when I managed it, it did help.
Covid has made what was already a difficult situation even more so. In 'normal' times I'm sure you'd have gone over and either gone to appointments with your sister or at least visited and helped out your nephews with the care of their mother.
Your sister probably isn't deliberately ignoring her problems. A common symptom of dementia is anosognosia, which means the person with dementia doesn't understand that the difficulties they are having are due to their dementia so they assume it must be caused by something or someone else. Blaming her daughter in law for interfering is typical. My mum told all her friends I had dementia which was why I was trying to get her to go to the memory clinic. If your sister is refusing to engage with the clinic there is not a lot you can do at the moment. In mum's case the matter was only resolved when she had a melt-down in the doctor's surgery and they organised a psychiatrist to go round announced and see her.
I'm sure others will be along with their ideas and suggestions shortly, but does anyone in the family have Lasting Power of Attorney, as this will be very useful as things progress. Maybe you could do yours if you haven't already done so, so your sister can see it is a normal thing for people to do as they get older.
The other thing that might be useful is this thread about Compassionate Communication. This might give you some ideas about how to approach things. Mind you I found it very difficult to always use it with my mother, but when I managed it, it did help.
Thanks so much. It is a very lonely situation. My husband doesn't understand at all.
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