Concerned about my Dad, can anyone advise?

SarahM79

New member
Jul 12, 2021
2
0
My Dad is 76 years old and is totally blind, with significant hearing loss (Ushers syndrome). Over the last few years, I have really noticed that he has become much more withdrawn and struggles to make conversation. He often talks about the same things over and over and doesn't engage with us like he used to. Now, I know that his hearing has deteriorated, so we have always put it down to that but I can't get rid of the niggling feeling that there is more to this. He is definitely not the same person he used to be (he did have a virus a few years ago, which also affected him and he hasn't really been the same since). He was always interested in motorsport, trains, planes etc and would always talk to my husband about them but in the last few years, this has almost stopped. However, yesterday, I noted something which really concerned me. My husband and I had been to the Goodwood Festival of Speed over the weekend. When we returned, we were telling my parents about it. My Dad asked if James Hunt was there as he always used to attend......for anyone not into motorsport, James Hunt dies around 20 years ago. He's well known and often talked about in our family (he's a hero of my husbands) so I know for a fact that my Dad knows this. However, he was quite insistent and almost surprised that he was no longer alive. He then kept saying, "Oh, I didn't know he had died". It rang instant alarm bells and I can't get it out of my head.

Now, I know that I may be overthinking this and it could be related to his other disabilities but I just feel something isn't right. He does often seem almost confused and struggles to make decisions. Recently, when his Guide Dog took ill, he just seemed completely oblivious to it and, even when he knew something was wrong, he was relying on everyone else to take the lead (which he didn't used to do). He relies on my Mum for lots of things anyway so it's really hard to know if day to day he is any different. I would like to talk to my Mum but she has a tendency to stick her head in the sand and ignore things and if I approach this with her, she will get really upset, as she has very low resilience for anything like this and has also lost her confidence over the years.

I'd really like to know what others who have dealt with this kind of thing think and whether I should speak to them and suggest he gets checked or am I just overreacting? I keep reading that if you have concerns, you should encourage them to see a GP but I know this will be easier said than done. I just know that things seem to be getting worse and whatever the reason, the niggling feeling just won't go away. Thank you for reading this and in advance for any advice you can give. S
 

ganymede

Registered User
Apr 28, 2021
58
0
Hi @SarahM79, welcome to TP.

I think if you have seen changes in your Dad's behaviour then there is good reason to get it checked out, if you can.

It was a very difficult conversation with my Mum, who was terrified about the possibility there might be something wrong with her and went into instant denial. Her former GP was little help, I'm sad to say.

Are you in a position where you can share your concerns with your Dad's GP? How do you think your Dad would react to a suggestion he goes to the GP for a memory check?

If you search the Alzheimer's Society site for "diagnosis" there are some great resources and advice sheets. I hope you find helpful info.
 

SarahM79

New member
Jul 12, 2021
2
0
Hi @SarahM79, welcome to TP.

I think if you have seen changes in your Dad's behaviour then there is good reason to get it checked out, if you can.

It was a very difficult conversation with my Mum, who was terrified about the possibility there might be something wrong with her and went into instant denial. Her former GP was little help, I'm sad to say.

Are you in a position where you can share your concerns with your Dad's GP? How do you think your Dad would react to a suggestion he goes to the GP for a memory check?

If you search the Alzheimer's Society site for "diagnosis" there are some great resources and advice sheets. I hope you find helpful info.
Thank you for replying. I will take a look at the resources. My Dad is very old fashioned so my worry is that he will not like me talking to his GP and I am not sure he will want to go himself - he also doesnt like if I try to advise (to be fair, he might take it from my husband better). I suppose I am just worried that I may be overreacting but I dont want to not suggest he gets checked and then it keeps getting worse.....
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
I agree. A Well Man check up of his bloods etc will rule out other reasons for his memory loss but I think you are right to be concerned. What you describe is how my husbands Alzheimer’s began.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,259
0
High Peak
I think your niggling feeling is correct. Maybe your mum knows it too, though she will have seen the changes come about gradually so may see it just as him getting old/worse due to the deafness.

If you can get him to the GP that would be a good start. best way might be to keep a diary of your concerns then write to his GP and make it clear you are worried about his deteriorating cognition. The doc can't discuss it with you but could call him in for a general check-up type visit.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,842
0
leicester
Hello @SarahM79 and welcome to DTP.
The GP should be the first port of call as many things can affect memory loss vitamin B12 deficiency in particular so a general health checkups is a good place to start if you or your Mum can persuade him to go.
I hope now you have found the forum you will continue to post for support and to share your experiences.
 

HappyHive

New member
Jul 15, 2021
1
0
My Dad is 76 years old and is totally blind, with significant hearing loss (Ushers syndrome). Over the last few years, I have really noticed that he has become much more withdrawn and struggles to make conversation. He often talks about the same things over and over and doesn't engage with us like he used to. Now, I know that his hearing has deteriorated, so we have always put it down to that but I can't get rid of the niggling feeling that there is more to this. He is definitely not the same person he used to be (he did have a virus a few years ago, which also affected him and he hasn't really been the same since). He was always interested in motorsport, trains, planes etc and would always talk to my husband about them but in the last few years, this has almost stopped. However, yesterday, I noted something which really concerned me. My husband and I had been to the Goodwood Festival of Speed over the weekend. When we returned, we were telling my parents about it. My Dad asked if James Hunt was there as he always used to attend......for anyone not into motorsport, James Hunt dies around 20 years ago. He's well known and often talked about in our family (he's a hero of my husbands) so I know for a fact that my Dad knows this. However, he was quite insistent and almost surprised that he was no longer alive. He then kept saying, "Oh, I didn't know he had died". It rang instant alarm bells and I can't get it out of my head.

Now, I know that I may be overthinking this and it could be related to his other disabilities but I just feel something isn't right. He does often seem almost confused and struggles to make decisions. Recently, when his Guide Dog took ill, he just seemed completely oblivious to it and, even when he knew something was wrong, he was relying on everyone else to take the lead (which he didn't used to do). He relies on my Mum for lots of things anyway so it's really hard to know if day to day he is any different. I would like to talk to my Mum but she has a tendency to stick her head in the sand and ignore things and if I approach this with her, she will get really upset, as she has very low resilience for anything like this and has also lost her confidence over the years.

I'd really like to know what others who have dealt with this kind of thing think and whether I should speak to them and suggest he gets checked or am I just overreacting? I keep reading that if you have concerns, you should encourage them to see a GP but I know this will be easier said than done. I just know that things seem to be getting worse and whatever the reason, the niggling feeling just won't go away. Thank you for reading this and in advance for any advice you can give. S