1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. CocoPop

    CocoPop Registered User

    Feb 3, 2016
    2
    Hello. I'm new to this forum and I've come looking for some help and advice about my Dad.

    My Mum and Dad live together- she's 60 and he's 85. Over the last few years he seems to be becoming extremely paranoid. Mum works, she does long 12 hour shifts a couple of days a week. He needs her to ring him every few hours and is very suspicious about where she 'really' is. He checks her pay slips and has called her office before to check she's really at work. A couple of months back he got a taxi to her work to check her car was there.

    Last night she was due to finish a little later and told him. After work she tried to ring to say she was setting off but no answer. She pulled over a couple of times on route but still no answer. When she got home she got out of the car and suddenly the back for opened and he got out, laughing. He'd been sat in her car the whole time?!

    To my knowledge Mum has never cheated on him so I can't understand this paranoia. However I recently found out that he has children younger than me and has kept them secret from us all. In the back of my mind I can't help but think that this is what is causing him to be so paranoid? I haven't told Mum about this as I don't know how to.

    Additionally his memory is going- he will repeat himself and is generally confused by normal every day things (still can't use the sky remote correctly, forgets what I do for a living for example).

    Are these things suggestive of dementia? I don't think my Mum can handle it anymore.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,561
    Female
    Scotland
    That is downright creepy and involves a degree of planning and forethought that my husband with Alzheimer's would be incapable of doing.

    The earlier betrayal is just another very nasty aspect of his behaviour which suggests your mother needs to think hard about what she is willing to tolerate from an unpleasant man with or without dementia.

    There could be a mental health issue here which is not necessarily dementia.
     
  3. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    My OH was very paranoid pre Alzheimer's diagnosis and was one of the many reasons that caused me sufficient concern to seek help for him.

    His medication calmed things down for quite a while but since an upset after Christmas the paranoid has been rearing its ugly head again.

    He is suspicious of me about everything. He checks my emails, wants to know the details of all my texts and phone conversations, has accused me of stealing as well as other things, insists on seeing every little thing I have bought if I have been shopping and it goes on and on.

    Paranoia aside, I don't believe that he has the capacity to be as devious as your dad or that he would have the ability to have the premeditation to work out such a plan and actually carry it out.

    The behaviour you describe sounds a little more than paranoia to me and I think I would be moving in the direction of getting help sooner rather than later.
     
  4. Risa

    Risa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2015
    483
    Essex
    Looking back, when Mum had the disease in the early stages (when it was undiagnosed), she got very possessive of Dad. Mum got very stroppy if he ever did anything without her (even though they were both retired and spent a huge amount of time together) and got nasty towards myself and my sister if we spent time with Dad (and we have always been a close family). If a neighbour had a chat with Dad, Mum didn't like it either :(

    As Dad sadly noted, they had hardly argued during their married life but then suddenly there were non-stop rows over complete nonsense.

    Definitely get your Dad checked out. The earlier you can get a diagnosis the better.
     

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