Comunication Problems

[Ppod]

Can anyone offer any advice on this one. Dad is always telling me he can't hear me or can't understand. His hearing is ok (for an 84 year old) but communicating with him on the phone is nigh on impossible. He rambles then expects an answer but gets very frustrated when he can't understand what I say. I keep it really simple, yes, no, soon, but its very distressing when he is trying to find his way back to his room and rings me for help.

I also think that he is starting to invent reasons for me to visit immediately. Does anyone else get that?

Grateful for any thoughts you might be able of offer

 

[Noorza]

Can anyone offer any advice on this one. Dad is always telling me he can't hear me or can't understand. His hearing is ok (for an 84 year old) but communicating with him on the phone is nigh on impossible. He rambles then expects an answer but gets very frustrated when he can't understand what I say. I keep it really simple, yes, no, soon, but its very distressing when he is trying to find his way back to his room and rings me for help.

I also think that he is starting to invent reasons for me to visit immediately. Does anyone else get that?

Grateful for any thoughts you might be able of offer

I find it very hard to differentiate between what is bad behaviour and how much is dementia behaviour but am sure there is a mixture of that going on.

If he is trying to get you to visit immediately, then why? Is it the dementia? Is it loneliness. My thoughts are to offer to get him in a befriending service in my area we have Crossroads Care and it's only 90 minutes a fortnight but it makes a difference.

There are also charities in my city who look after their own ethnicity groups in the elderly, carribean, Irish are two I know of who also offer befriending services for people with links to those ethnic groups. There are others too.

Have you got any day care centres they could attend or even to try out, they are not for everyone. I would never abuse the emergency services but on ONE SINGLE occasion out of innumerable requests for emergency care, I just could not go. She had been particularly nasty for a while and I felt it was manipulation but she is so physically unwell I couldn't take the chance.

She kept phoning and breathing heavily without talking and I was at the end of my rope. I called 999 who were very happy to call and do a health and welfare check.

I would never use this service with a "check on mum as I can't be bothered" but her dementia had made her so vicious I just couldn't take any more that day so I did use the 999 to check she was OK. They were fine about it. The emergency services know I am always there, the ambulance crews know us by names we call them so often but I'm there and only call after I've assessed the level of emergency.

I think there is no one single answer, there rarely is with dementia and AD but a several pronged approach, to reduce the calls whilst accepting you'll never eliminate them.

Sorry for the tome.

 

[garnuft]

I often think it's fear. Simply of oneself.

When you are on your own, the thoughts and feelings can become so large it fills the room, all it takes it for someone, a reassuring, known person, to come in and the feelings, fears and thoughts go back to their normal size.
Even a stranger can help the feeling to shrink.

It's not lonliness or neediness, in my opinion, it's the expansion of thoughts in a contracted/stressed brain.

I had a breakdown myself when I was younger and I well-remember the illogical feelings and the comfort the presence of another human being brought.
Not comparing it to Dementia, only saying I know how freaky my own brain was for a while.

How sad for your Dad and you.

I have a feeling my mother is enduring some of these feelings but like us all, her home is her last bastion of freedom, I am as loathe to take it away from her as she is to surrender.

She makes calls that seem to make no sense, or have any purpose, it seems as if she is ovewhelmed by suppressed panic, then it all boils down to what seems like nothing....but I know it is a feeling of worry and stress, a drive to 'do' something, to break the chain of the feeling.....

I hope this makes some sense to you.